|Reviews for The Future of Inaba|
| phatmon chapter 1 . 5/29/2013
Brace yourself incoming review here, don't take it to heart or take it as basis to stop anything but hear me out:
Well I like your idea sounds a bit like Fire Emblem's Awakening plot with the kids coming to the present to prevent a catastrophe in the future. The first chapters are kind of convoluted and complicated to understand. You have some sentence structure problems like "change your time.", should be change to "change your name so you wont alter the future'. You don't make a lot of an effort to foreshadow anything that much and that can be disappointing, some chapters seem very rushed like you cant wait to write it out then wait for people to review it. It doesn't leave much to the imagination I mean yeah eventually Kanji and Naoto and the rest of the team will know but it would've been better to wait this out or have the rest of the team figure out about the kids through clues about their shadows which was very good on what you did there. Linking Shiro's shadow to Kanji and Naoto's shadow's dialogue.
Also since they're from the future and needing their parents help and the team's help, I assume someone or something is threatening their existence or the future, like if its just an isolated thing like someone that they know or don't know is trying to stop their existence through interacting with Kanji and Naoto since they are their parents and sees their kids as a threat to them. I also think that the children shouldn't free travel at least not without some type of restriction I mean create challenges for them, what you did with Shiro was good with the handicap giving her a heart defect, its a challenge for her and puts her against the elements sort of speak. Also the heart defect. its called arrhythmia by the way. I thought it was perfect. I kind of wonder if it was generic through Kanji, no offence but in some fanfics he has some health problems just wondering.
Not all of it is negative, you still need help on the spelling, more foreshadowing of events making the reader intrigued rather than them being really obvious and losing interest. Not that they are since you have people reading this but this might've been the reason for the lack of interest in this story . The characters interactions is good and its well developed, particularly the parts where the children are interacting with the investigation team and Kanji and Naoto. I suggest you take your time to flesh out your ideas for the story and extend the chapters it doesn't have to be extremely long but a decent length just so that people can be more involved in the story rather than reading a oneshot. Um yeah i know its a lot but that's all i have to say again this is just my opinion. I still think its an interesting story regardless and i do and will be reading it. Good luck
| Drevnii chapter 11 . 5/23/2013
Well whoops, Hikaru nearly gave herself away. Again, surprised that only Teddie figured out her parentage. I am completely hooked on this story the directions that you have taken it is as addictive as chocolate.
| Drevnii chapter 10 . 5/19/2013
Ooo a date with Teddie, that made me giggle along with the fox. w The fox is so cute yet another great update can't wait until next time.
| Mr.88 chapter 9 . 5/14/2013
A cute story so far. I'm not sure why you set the story rating to "M" since I haven't really encountered anything so far that would warrant it. I suggest lowering your story's rating to a "T" so that more people will come across this little fic, unless you plan on including content that might be considered offensive in later chapters. Keep up the good work.
| Drevnii chapter 9 . 5/14/2013
Another awesome chapter, having Hikaru play sports after she felt like she could never play sports because of her condition literally brought tears to my eyes. It was very motivating and positive. It made my day a bit brighter :3
| Drevnii chapter 8 . 5/8/2013
Fewf now I can review using my user name. Again I don't know why people aren't reviewing because this is an awesome story. And of all people I never would have guessed that Teddie would be able to put two and two together and figure out that Shiro 'Hikaru' is Naoto's and Kanji's child. Very nice twist, can't wait until the next update.
| Guest chapter 7 . 4/29/2013
I can't believe no one else is reviewing this story. I look foreword to your next update with bated breath. I wonder if anyone will put two and two together about Hikaru's identity...
| Guest chapter 4 . 4/19/2013
Dude this story is amazing keep going with it