|Reviews for Oblivion Walker|
| Guest chapter 1 . 2/1/2014
The grammar was nice and the plot overall fits, but something about the way of writing I kind of disagree with. The way it's in spurts of two-five sentences makes me feel like I'm not really reading a story and more like I'm reading a script. It's not too bad to borrow things from in-game but it's a fantasy setting. Make up your own rules and lore if you need to. Don't feel bad if you make certain races break tradition. For example, every Dunmer clan has their own form of tradition. Hell, some even worship Aedra. Every Nord family has their own story. Etc. Make a thing up or two, have fun with it. If I wanted to just play Skyrim I would.
| UruExplorer DTC chapter 3 . 6/22/2013
Welp. That went "well." XD
| M. Rosenkov chapter 2 . 6/18/2013
I haven't read anything quite like this... Cant wait for an update, it's very intriguing and your writing is very impressive, as I said before. Good job.
| M. Rosenkov chapter 1 . 6/18/2013
Your writing is very professional and you hold the characters well. Im really impressed
| fen'harels chapter 2 . 6/3/2013
Probably the worse chapter in the entire story my ass. I’d say it’s right up there with your first, and you know I really liked it.
Dream sequence was short but very well done; you touched on some similar themes I glanced over in (poor, deleted) Dysthymia, but I think you handled them a lot better. Your writing is clearer, more concise, and you get your ideas across quicker without nonsense paragraphs. I guess I’m saying I admire the “economy of your writing”. There aren't any wasted scenes, descriptions or dialogue. Everything serves its purpose in both characterization and pushing the plot forward, and that’s one of the first things I look for in a story before I decide to follow.
In the twelfth paragraph you wrote ‘cyrodyllic’ when I’m ninety percent certain it’s ‘cyrodilic’, but you were right about the jarl thing so…
Paragraph thirteen you’ve written: “She had expected them to be like the rest of the mages, cloistered and frail, but he charges into battle with the confidence of a veteran.” I think you mean ‘him’. All good from then on, though.
I love the bant between Indrele and J’zargo. Such perfect foils for each other, with enough personality to keep me interested. Indrele’s seriousness and almost reverence is intriguing, and J’zargo’s J’zargo-ness is a nice little relief. You write him really well; his “voice” is spot on. I’d cry and beg for a romance now but dignity’s a hard thing to earn back.
Overall, really liked it. I hope you know who I am or all those little nods are going to seem creepy. Can’t log in to my main account, and I can see from the review way below that that bitch changed my username too.
| Klicesgirl chapter 1 . 5/31/2013
Hi! You wrote a review for my Skyrim fanfic, "My Little Ever Wind", so I decided to investigate some of your stories. Not to attack, just to compare.
I really like your work so far. It's clear to me that you have a lot more knowledge of The Elder Scrolls games than I do. Your writing style is borderline professional, and exactly what I'm drawn to normally: dry humor delivered among complex description. I would say that at the moment, you've earned yourself a fan!
Since I'm new, my private messaging is disabled for the moment, so I feel the only defense I can give for my story is here. I'm not going to say it's perfect. By no means is it. However, I do get a LOT more vague with the dungeons (don't worry!) and the sentences without punctuation were a style choice of an interrupted thought. I think it would do me good to add hyphens, which I will do.
I plan to play the other Elder Scrolls games this summer, so maybe I can come back to this and improve Emerind to be a "better Bosmer". Right now, I'm not entirely sure what you mean.
Thank you for reviewing my piece and not completely ripping it apart.
| Assy Asserson chapter 1 . 4/13/2013
Ass*ass*ass*ass*ass*ass*ass*ass*ass*ass*ass*ass now make that bitch POP!
| SpecialAgentOrange chapter 1 . 4/8/2013
I don't think I had went over Indrele's reaction to Lydia's death; at this point, she seems very affected by it. Looking back it looked like that she considered the Housecarl her responsibility and charge, and that the events that followed seemed more like failure or a blow to her ego than seeing someone she respected die. Seeing her pray to Azura - as if she had any power to affect the fates - tells of how distraught Indrele is with things. On another note thank you very much for those snippets of her personal history; they amend the reluctant hero archetype from your previous story and make her into someone I can relate with. After reading this entire chapter through, I can sympathize with her and see where she's coming from, while long ago such empathy was vague and bare-bones.
It's interesting to see how she already had a relationship with some of the mages in the College, and how she considers Savos Aren akin to a father figure. Whatever had happened that time deserves some degree of touching on in the future; in fact a lot of Winterhold - and to an extent Morrowind - feels like stories all by themselves. I do have a minor nitpick with one statement: "once-great House Telvanni." It's not like the House had fallen from grace as far as I can tell, so part of me wonders what either you or Indrele mean from that.
Going by the flavor text, the choice raises questions about whether or not she's afraid of absorbing the dovah's soul and memories. I know you've explained Dragon souls work in your PM, but here it's implied like she had thought the matter through herself. Her pursuit of Daedric artifacts makes me wonder if it will take her to Solstheim and pit her against Miraak for the knowledge and artifacts she believe will be safer. The interpretation feels like it's something that other writers may have considered, but not really explored like how you're going to do it.
In terms of her commitment to be the hero that Tamriel or Skyrim needs, the expedition feels like baby steps compared to your other story; she's walking forward without dragging her feet. The excursion into Saarthal is well crafted; the characters are nicely developed, the combat and magick feels inventive compared to the game, and the premise and conclusion is whimsical without feeling forced. Then we have the subtle allusion to the Gauldur amulet quest; well played. Character-wise, I get the impression you were being experimental with some characters; J'zargo here feels like he has his own agenda to fulfill, while Brelyna seems more certain than the game would have you believe. They're not bad ideas though I hope they don't derail what we may already know on those two.
Will be looking forward to the next chapter and where Indrele's search for power will take her.
| oppasyeobo chapter 1 . 4/8/2013
So I have a very odd protectiveness of this community and I really want to tell you how awful you are, prancing around with your head up your ass and discouraging authors with comments only slightly less offensive than outright flames, but for now I'll make an exception (not that you deserve it) and simply bite my tongue. Because this was bloody well done.
It had to be anyway, otherwise I'd tear it apart.
I'll settle for skimpy nitpicking: Jarl is a title, so capitalize it, and you seem to be overly generous with commas which can disrupt the flow (reading your sentences aloud should fix this).
Basically nothing at all.
I'm also glad to see Indrele returning; I liked her well enough in Wahlaan and thankfully she's one of the less annoying OCs I've read about- here's hoping she stays that way.
And your writing really is good. Perhaps if you weren't so blunt you'd be a more favoured writer on this site.