|Reviews for I Killed Mufasa!|
| RedHoodLover chapter 1 . 10/29/2013
Wow, I love your take on this!
| CC-R2000 chapter 1 . 4/30/2013
I LOVE lion king.. Like really LOVE!
And I have to say... this is great! x3
| Chu10 chapter 1 . 4/29/2013
WAIT A MINUTE. Time out, time out!
Why haven't I seen this around?! XD this deserves more reviews my friend!
I loved it, all the way from start to end. You described Simba so splendidly from first-person POV. I think you do best in this perspective! It's dramatic, and I was feeling Simba through the story. His guilt which haunts and tortures him throughout the story is heart-wrenching and I could really see how he has been badly affected by the stampede from his youth. He is so overwhelmed by it that he only realizes it at the last crucial second.
Woah, but when he heard those three words...hell broke loose! His realization felt very real (no pun intended LOL) and I felt his will and his rage at the one lion that made him that way. MURDERER!
As I've said, you have a great ability at first-person POV because you make the reader feel as if he/she is inside the mind of the main character, in this case, Simba. :)
| T5Tango chapter 1 . 4/21/2013
Liked it? I LOVED IT! This was absolutely a wonderful one-shot. Honestly, one of the best I've ever read. Why you aren't writing full fledge fanfics is beyond me, but if you ever do, I'll definetly be reading them!
First of all, what really caught my attention is that this fanfic was in first person. Which, in my opinion is a bit more difficult to write because you don't have a narrator dicatating character movement and things going on in the setting such as weather. Well, let me just say that you knocked it out of the ball park from the get go. Not only did you create Simba's thoughts to be very natural and in character, but you were also able to harnass the power of the setting to amplify Simba's emotions! Bravo!
It's hard to write a one-shot for a scene where the emotions are high and the character's thoughts and feelings seem very obvious. But you took this scene to a whole new level and really brought attention to things that I'd never imagined could be going through Simba's head. Sure, we all know he's feeling guilty about his father and disappointing Sarabi and Nala, but the way you pinpointed the emotion made it so clear that every sentence was like a stab to the heart, one after another. And I could literally feel Simba's guilt suffocating him.
This was just amazing and should have ten million more reviews. I would say great work, but I don't feel like I have the right to tell such an obviously gifted writer that you've done a great job. Because this is clearly above and beyond good work. This is art in one of its most purest forms, so thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings about this powerful scene. Amazing!
Excuse me while I go to check out more of your work. Hope that you plan on writing more for the Lion King universe!
| mousemademedoit chapter 1 . 4/19/2013
Such an inspiration of this Disney film! lol
| KaltheBrave chapter 1 . 4/19/2013
Wow, it's a really interesting way to look at such a tumultuous scene, something I'd have never thought to write. It's nice to know the innermost thoughts of Simba when he hears the things that change his life completely around. Also that he still is plagued by his guilt and becomes accepting of his fate because of it.
Really well written, especially the impassioned thoughts when he finally realises the lie. Always wondered where that sudden strength cam from!
I wait for a story!
| Zero Unit RGB chapter 1 . 4/11/2013
Wanting to die is never good, thankfully that didn't happen. I really liked how we got to see Simba's inner thoughts during this scene, how he had felt, all the false guilt that had been piling on over the years and the anger he experienced after learning the truth. But he sort of had the rage take over him in the end, didn't he?
If you want some advice, do what every writer on this site does, read it over, because I caught a few istakes here and there. Also, it gives you a chnce to make it better. Overall, good job!
| Incarnate Firefly chapter 1 . 4/11/2013
Not bad, I like the way you emphasized everything Simba was feeling in this scene. Granted, in the film it happened much faster than this, but I suppose thoughts occur more quickly than words can make them out to.
The only thing I would disagree with in terms of the narrative was how quickly Simba succumbed to Scar's persuasion that Mufasa's death had been his fault; after all; Simba had just declaring before the beginning of this scene that he had put it behind them. Then again, it might have been hard for him to see Nala and Sarabi's reactions, so the guilt could have played a factor in his self-doubt.
One other part you might want to work on though is when Scar says "Now let me tell you my little secret" and Simba's reaction is "Oooh, boy! A secret! Maybe this can cheer me up!". It doesn't feel like quite the right reaction, considering that Scar was about to kill Simba. I personally would have opted to have Simba think something along the lines of "There was something about his tone that I didn't quite like", since he's not a cub anymore and isn't so naive as to miss the sinister tone that Scar is so fond of using all the time.
And as for when Scar says "I killed Mufasa", you may want to start Simba's reaction with plain emotion rather than a narrative. By this, I mean show what Simba was feeling, don't tell it (if you've heard of the saying "show, don't tell", you'll know it's a very important rule in writing). For example, instead of writing "I was wrong", say something like "My mind filled with shock" or "I froze as the revelation crashed down on me", or something like that.
But that's just my opinion, do with it what you will. Overall, this oneshot was well-written, and I hope you found my feedback helpful. Keep writing!
| TabbyBri chapter 1 . 4/11/2013
I was really impressed with this one-shot. The way you described everything was very well done, and Simba's thoughts were, quite frankly, written beautifully. There were occasional capitalization and spacing mistakes, but so minor I hardly noticed them, and they took nothing away from the story itself.
Simba's entire thought process, from feeling like he had let them all down, to feeling like he deserved this, that he was a murderer, was very convincingly written. Simba's thoughts on his mother and one Nala were sad, and it seems like he probably would be thinking along those lines at that moment in the movie.
The realization was particulary well done, and I liked his thoughts on Scar's betrayal, and how he had done all that just for a kingdom. I loved that Simba thought that he wouldn't fail his mother or Nala again, and I really loved the line he thought "I would disappoint you ever again, Daddy." That was both sad, but for some reason, made me smile. And I liked the part about it taking more than a forty foot drop and a fire to kill Prince Simba. How true!
I've always wondered how he managed to pull himself up that cliff, especially with Scar's claws digging into his paws like that, and it seems quite possible Mufasa had something to do with it. The part about redemption was nice, too. I'd never thought of it that way, but it fits. And yes, with that last line, the rest is history. Scar got what he deserved, and Simba is king, just as he should be.
I really liked this one-shot. I had my doubts when I saw that it was only a little over a thousand words, since I prefer long stories, even among one-shots. But this is definitely among the best one-shots I've seen in Lion King fanfiction. Well done!
| LionLover23 chapter 1 . 4/10/2013
This is good! Great Job! :)