|Reviews for In the Red Water|
| ReadingBlueWolf chapter 1 . 4/22/2013
I like the visual of the gun looking cold in the light of the bedside lamp. I thought that was a truly lovely line and a great way to really kick description off. I’m interested to see why Taiki might have been murdering and what he’s going to do about the dried blood. I like the “tears are a desperate weapon”. That really shows where his mindset is and I really think it does a good job of giving a sense of where the character is mentally. It’s really lovely. I haven’t read your other two fics, but I’m wondering if Shoutmon really exists or if that’s a figment of Taiki’s imagination. Or apparently he is alive. I really like the attention to detail of his body. It shows that he’s just been through this big fight and it’s nice to be able to see what’s going on, so to speak. I like how in the midst of all this, he smiles because he does not want any other option. I think that is a really interesting way to go about this and shows a huge part of who Taiki is. It’s eerie in a way that he’s remembering all this horror and all he does is smile. I really like it. My favorite line is “His wounds hurt and they will drag him into nightmares no matter how well he bandages them.” I absolutely love that. It is amazing. I just… I have no words for that line. I’m in love with it. Awesome job!
| darkin520 chapter 1 . 4/20/2013
Wow, this was certainly an interesting take on this challenge. I didn't expect something so dark, but it certainly does fit in with Bullet, so I approve. How very sad for Taiki. I really love how you show how much guilt he has over the fact he must participate in the murder of children. I really love that while the others are arguing, he's sort of off in his own world, doing his own thing. The only one who really seems to notice there is a bit of a problem is Shoutmon, though I don't know if there's really much he can do about it. I really love how you describe how the blood was sticking to him so that he needs a shower. However, even after after the shower, I love how the memory still clings to him, that no water can really wash the sins away. That was really morbid and lovely at the same time. I really liked the ending. It was sad, but certainly warranted. It's not easy to do that and be able to be happy with yourself. I really enjoyed this. Well done. :)
| thats-a-moray chapter 1 . 4/19/2013
I did this challenge, too! It was a ton of fun. :)
[Also, being covered in blood and body fluid is something unrealistically disgusting.] I like the addition of 'body fluid.' You probably mean sweat, but a whole bunch of other, horrific things came to mind first. Although, I don't think you need 'unrealistically.' I'm not sure what its purpose is in this sentence. The more I think about it the more it seems to imply that it is unrealistic to be disgusted about blood and gore, which is quite the opposite of reality.
[He smiles like he is crying and heads into the bathroom...] This is freakin' brilliant and perfect.
[His legs are practically ribbons of skin and the realization of pain makes his knees buckle.] How deep are the cuts? The description seems to imply that they are quite deep, but if they're as deep as I'm imagining he should be having difficulty walking.
[The cloth is soon relatively clean and drenched and he drops it to dry.] This seems unrealistic. Blood isn't going to wash out that easily, especially if it's a white towel; he'll have to throw it away.
Anyway, I love this story. It's so full of raw emotion and despite having a Digimon it feels brutally real. I like the way you've written Taiki. He feels like an adult, but he feels like a kid, too. I liked him considering running upstairs to hug his mom and then realizing why that was impossible. Great work!
[The two arguing fall silent and mentally, Taiki is grateful.] Sentence fragment(?).
| Edhla chapter 1 . 4/19/2013
I kind of love this. I really do.
"realizes its blood" - typo. It's blood.
Once again I'm extremely jealous with how skillful you are at making present tense work for you.
"It is almost..." this line reads weirdly to me, but I'm not sure it's exactly a flaw. You have a very unique narrative voice (as I keep telling you!) Like absolutely none I've ever read before, and even when my brain keeps wanting to tell me there's something "wrong" with it, there usually really isn't. The only thing I can tell you about this is it sounds a little impersonal, like an essay rather than a piece of creative fiction.
"spills out chilly"- the repetition of syllables here is awesome.
"The popping of..." I LOVE YOU AIKO. And the wry humour of his body filing a law suit.
I was kind of hoping that "red water" wasn't going to be viscerally real, but it is and I love it. Honestly. Just about every line is a winner. The towel streaked with red. The smell of gasoline. AWESOME.
| Green Phantom Queen chapter 1 . 4/16/2013
First off, listening to the Mirai Nikki OP while reading this was NOT a good idea. Oh god, I'm gonna have nightmares of red water and pink haired girls trying to murder me in my sleep now.
Second, the descriptions are very very detailed. I loved your previous Bullet story and want to read the Jormagund manga as soon as I can. How and why Taiki gets involved with guns and war will be one I never know, but having to have his innocence shattered and kill innocent people and to HIDE that to his friends and family would pretty much kill off any kid.
"However, he is a special child." I felt shivers down my spine when reading that. This isn't special as he's gifted or having mental capabilities that exceed most humans, this is a broken kid who sees blood as life-giving rain. The whole thing reminds me of a Gamecube game killer7 where one of the main characters can reveal barriers by cutting herself and blood flows from her wrists. Yeah, it's a weird game.
I really don't know if Taiki will get a 'happy' ending, or as happy as one like him will get. But for his sake, maybe he'll die peacefully and his burdens will be over. Who knows?
| Browncoats and Floral Bonnets chapter 1 . 4/11/2013
Wow. I am not familiar with this fandom, and so was thoroughly confused, but even so I really enjoyed this. It's extremely well written. It's clear you know your characters well. Awesome!