I was scared to read this. I'm always a B/E hea kinda girl, but something told me to read it even though I felt it wouldn't end that way. I knew Tyler would die as he did in Remembe Me, but the shock of Edward flling in love wih Bella's daughter years later, man that was tough! Bella had well since moved on & was gracious about it & Bella did get her HEA with Tyler in the end. You did a great job. Thank you for sharing it! :)

I have seen this story before, but have never read it? IDK why? I love Remember Me & obviously I love Twilight. 9/11 is a tender spot for a lot of people, myself included, that's ironic, I'm writining a story under my pen about it as I read this... well not at the "same" time. You know what I meant. Ok, I'm done rambling now.

I’m finding it so hard to review this story. It’s such a combination of terrific writing and plot choices that just rattle my teeth. Of course I’m not arguing with your perfect right to tell the story as you choose, or with your ability to grab me by the scruff of the neck and make me look at things through a different lens. But I also don’t want to be disingenuous by failing to bring up the things that bother me.

In the midst of a masterful description of what it must have been like to lose Tyler in that way on that day, I can’t quite get past my concern for Edward. If I were talented enough to write a fanfic about your fanfic, I’d write some EPOV outtakes!

So having gotten that off my chest, on with the chapter. [I’m also breaking my own rule and letting my review go over 1000 words – sorry if that’s obnoxious.]

OMG, that first paragraph is a heartbreaker. Particularly ‘To wake in a silence devoid of screaming, devoid of anything except her own terror—to wake in a silence devoid of the sound of someone else's breathing—this is far worse than waking in tears.’

‘…now stranded in the city’. Oh my gosh, I forgot how frozen NYC and in fact the whole country were, for days and days after 9/11.

Understandable both that she would isolate herself from family and friends (and Edward), and also that she would value connection with so many others in the city who suffered what she did.

‘When Edward left her in Forks what now seems a lifetime ago, she believed herself capable of comprehending the true depth of anguish; now she knows it was nothing more than a teenager's melodrama.’
I see your point, the difference between a fully formed adult relationship compared to an oddly stunted, limited connection with a vampire. However, in SM’s world, what surpassed teenage melodrama is the fact that two mates were separated, and neither coped well with it. There was also that whole “as if I never existed” layer that abruptly severed her from a whole family that she loved. At least now no one is wondering why she doesn’t just get over it.

This is truly different: ‘...the depth of despair she feels at losing Tyler, at knowing his beautiful light, his arresting smile, his considerable heat, no longer exist.’ When Edward walked away, she knew he was – and always would be – somewhere in the world.

How awful that Bella had to tell Tyler’s parents ‘that Tyler was trapped, that he didn't escape, that he isn't lying in a hospital somewhere just waiting for them to find him.’ Oh, and Caroline’s loss would be especially hard to bear.

This was kind of a shock, but makes sense: ‘An awful, jarring thought occurs to her: had [Edward] been there earlier, she might have asked him to save Tyler.’ At first I thought you meant by going up with his vampire strength and indestructibility to get Tyler out, almost Superman-style. But you also meant that if he had been too damaged, also turning him. Yikes.
I like that she decides she didn’t want that.

This set my teeth on edge: Edward’s ‘company has been deferential, apologetic, self-effacing…’ And she tells him “You can go now” without showing the least interest in or concern for what he’s experiencing.

Arrgh: ‘She's mildly surprised by the pain in his face, by the fact that she remembers the same expression flickering across his features moments before he walked away from her in the damp, dank woods behind her father's house. Equally surprised by the fact that she's unmoved by his misery.’

I’d say that she’s got nothing left to expend thinking about anyone else, but she is moved by the plight of everyone else who has suffered what she has, and of course everyone else who lost Tyler. She can’t even manage to say anything kind or grateful to Edward.

This was interesting, though:
‘He folds the towel, placing it carefully back on the lip of the sink. "That's my own fault," he says carefully, and she frowns. Was he always this precise, this careful, this pointed with his words? Did he always choose them so conscientiously? How did that deliberateness, that calculation, never bother her before?’
It really is a sharp contrast to the vivid liveliness of Tyler. Plus it does point out to me how exhausting it must be to be around someone who so carefully parses every word and action – it would make you feel like you ought to be doing the same thing.

Edward ‘didn't live. He existed. And now that she's seen, lived, felt the alternative, she recognizes the truth: it never would have been enough.’
I guess I have to respectfully disagree. Not in the form it took then, of course, but I (maybe unfairly) assume it would have matured. Smile, because I read too much fanfic! I concede, though, that
‘It certainly couldn't now, now that she knows what it feels like to sleep pressed up against a warm body, what it feels like to come apart beneath a body on fire, how soothing it is to listen to the steady thump of a heartbeat behind a warm chest, the soft lullaby of even breathing.’

This is exactly what he should have said in this situation:
"Bella, I'm not asking you for anything now. I just want to be in your life. If, at some point, you want something more, I'll be here. Otherwise, I just want to be here for you."

Well done: ‘She's throwing them at him like darts, these things of which he's incapable. Growth. Change. Progress. She doesn't say the fourth one aloud. Parenthood. She holds it close to her chest like a secret…’
I’m guessing that with vampire hearing, he might have heard the heartbeat.

And this is her bottom-line response: ‘[Edward] looks so, so sad suddenly, and if she had room in her heart for anything except the crushing pain of loss, she might have it in her to feel badly at that, but she doesn't, and she can't.’
She could have said “go away for now, give me some space”.

I hadn’t thought of it this way: ‘There is comfort in company, but thousands of other losses mean Tyler is just one more…’ Sigh.

Ah, so she does track down the “Bella shelf”. I was amazed she was able to walk into The Strand at all! So well said – when talking to his coworker ‘she knows that if she speaks, her voice will break, and the rest of her will follow.’

This just slices me open: ‘…she cries and mourns and aches and hurts and begs silently for a way out of the pain, for someone to step in and show her how she can possibly survive this.’

Oh my gosh: ‘Given [the book’s] location, she imagines that Tyler was the last one to touch it…’
And what a perfect time for the first flutter of baby presence.

Well imagined: ‘She feels like if she went back to Washington, this – her time in New York, her own growth, Tyler – would shrink to a blip on the radar of her life, a few short months of adventure in the big city before her return home.’
Maybe that’s another explanation for her coldness to Edward – partly loyalty, but also a refusal to open any door that might eventually eclipse what Tyler meant in her life.

Sniffle: ‘When her daughter is born on February 14, Bella can't help but believe that it's Tyler, sending her a gift the only way he can…’ Skyler – perfect.

Aww: ‘…for the very first time since her arrival in Manhattan, she felt suffocated by the city she loved.’

Oh no. The first time through, until I hit these words, I stubbornly hoped there might be a different ending: ‘This is that chapter.’

Interesting: ‘As if to prove he's no longer cramming his relationship with his son in between other, more important meetings, Charles Hawkins has scheduled Tyler first thing – 9 a.m.’ Perhaps he did learn something from losing Michael. Makes me wonder too whether the infamous battle over Charles missing Caroline’s art show happened in this time line – presumably while Tyler was with Allie, so before this story began.

Oh my goodness, she doesn’t go up with him for fear of aggravating her nausea with the elevator ride. Clever: “…generally I am not okay with you cheating on the Strand.”

Sweet: ‘For the thousandth time, she's slightly stunned by his obvious joy at their situation, his complete lack of panic about the fact that they're going to be parents before either one of them has a college degree.’

Beautiful – he’s turning from writing to Michael to writing for the baby and Bella. Have you read Marilynne Robinson’s breathtaking book “Gilead”? The structure of that novel is a similar idea.

What a dilemma for Bella: ‘She wants to know every little thing about him, even the dark, difficult things, and not for the first time, she wishes she could confess to him the darkest, most difficult things in her own past. Maybe someday. Somehow.’

Good for her: "But remember: you don't have to do this for me, or for us. We'll be fine, no matter what. So…if it doesn't feel right, don't do it. Promise me."

What a lovely final image of him: ‘he grins as he tilts his head to one side, morning sunlight bouncing off the crisp, white shoulders of his shirt and making him look almost as though he's glowing.’

I just can’t comment on your narration once the first plane hits. Great job, great job.

I remember back then being struck by the story of people trapped in the towers, not knowing whether they would somehow miraculously make it out, but being in touch with their loved ones by cell phone. I wondered what that must have been like, a blessing or the worst possible torture? Shudder: ‘there's a flat note in his tone that she's never heard before.’

Hard to think about: ‘Wrapping her arms around her body, she begins a steady litany of near-silent prayers, begging with a desperation she's never known in all her life.
Please.
Please.’

Devastating: “Loving you is the biggest thing about me."
And "I'm so sorry, Bella. I'm so sorry you're going to hurt again because of me."

But this is kind of the bottom line, isn’t it?
‘"Would you let me love you all over again, knowing everything?"
"Of course I would," she replies instantly…’

Genius:
‘Bella closes her eyes, listening to the sound of his breathing, trying to exist just in this moment, to exist in the same world as him for as long as she can, before she can't anymore. She tries to focus on now, instead of what comes next. On Tyler, instead of a world without him.’
And a few minutes later:
‘Sobbing, she tries to return to her pleading prayer, but she can't muster the hope it would take to beg for the impossible.’

The first time I read this I was stunned that Edward shows up to save her life. But of course it’s perfectly consistent with everything we know from canon. The reference to ‘watching her with concerned, golden eyes’ was truly startling. It's a testament to how vividly you've established Bella in Tyler's world, that Edward feels like an alien from another universe.

Your author’s note at the end: ‘I know it might feel like it's over, but it's not yet. Stay with me.’ I’m glad you said that, because it certainly did feel like it was over. The first time through I couldn’t imagine where you would take this.

Well done. Heartbreaking, of course, but stunningly imagined.

A good point re Charlie: "Well, he knocked my mother up when she was eighteen, so I guess we had that going for us."
Nice moments showing Charlie’s supportiveness of Bella and grandbaby.

Aargh, I hate hearing her due date and knowing he won’t be there.

But when they hear the baby’s heartbeat, ‘she knows that, as long as she lives, she'll never forget the awe in his eyes.’ Sniffle.

Great observation re Tyler’s mom, about how life experience can open your heart (if you let it): “Bella, she's been through a lot in her life – divorcing her husband and having a kid commit suicide are just two of the highlights. My mother isn't someone who could ever see a baby as a bad thing."

And from Diane’s point of view, how entirely opposite to Michael’s choice!

Sweet idea about the subway token.

Interesting that Tyler chooses to tell his father by himself. But the job offer? Shudder: ‘Bella remembers the barely-contained bitterness when he recounted what working for Charles Hawkins had done to his brother.’ But then, ‘Bella's heart hurts at the childlike wonder in his voice, the surprised incredulity that his father might actually value his company…’ It would still terribly worry me if … you know.

Good description of Aidan, from Kelsey: “He's…actually sort of sweet. In a completely awkward, usually inappropriate way."

Your evocation of the movie images from Labor Day weekend made me smile, even knowing how short time is now…

Sweet: ‘she's never really felt like she put down roots anywhere; now, she thinks she wouldn't mind so much where she was if Tyler were planted right along with her, their roots intertwining like a thousand little knots.’

Whoa, flashback moments between wanting to apologize for the blood from the cut on her foot, and riding on Tyler’s back. Nice, light-handed job of drawing contrasts to what it was like to be carried by Edward.

Well said: ‘…is it just because she spent months in love with someone whose default mode was resistance? Tyler always seems to want to be touching her: casually, absently, passionately, affectionately – regardless of the context, he wants to be as close as he can, touch her as much as he can, love her as physically as the situation will allow.’

It’s hard to remember that Bella’s been in NYC about a year already!

Oh my goodness the book Caroline and Tyler made together – so wonderful! ‘it flirts perfectly with the line between ghost and imaginary friend’ – amazing. And wow, how healing for Tyler too: ‘The hope his words have given Caroline, the comfort they could give an unknowable number of other kids, the fact that he's exposed perhaps the most raw of his nerves not only to his sister but, potentially, to the world.’

Fabulous that she got this:
‘"I love you so much. You have no idea."
"Yes, I do," he says immediately, and while he's always teasing, always joking, there's something serious, something deep, something raw in his eyes, and for perhaps the first time in her life, she feels like the protector, the strong one, the magnet. "I do," he whispers again, and it's every promise she's ever needed, every reassurance she'll ever want.‘

Oh, dang, we’re already halfway through this story. And sheesh, I feel gypped to have missed out on all of HollettLA’s wittiness!
OK, this is a pretty nonchalant way to drop a bomb: ‘There was Christmas. And then I had a baby.’ Well, congratulations! And yikes, unassailable excuse for lack of time or energy to write!

I like the image of NYC postcards on the wall above Bella’s bed.

Really significant dialog with Charlie:
“Haven't seen you this happy since…" He waves his hand in the space above his empty plate, and Bella takes it to mean, "since that Cullen kid skipped town and broke your heart and essentially made you a shell of your former self."
Respecting his courage for sort-of bringing it up, Bella pauses. "Happier, actually."

So well described: waiting for Tyler to emerge from the jetway, ‘Bella can feel her anticipation mounting, the soda bubbles of excitement intensifying in her stomach until she feels like she might burst.’
What a sweet reunion.

I was glad to see both Jacob and Charlie rattled by Tyler’s resemblance to Edward, though Bella claims “But honestly, I've sort of…forgotten."
If there’s one hitch in my enjoyment of this story, it’s skepticism that she could have so quickly gotten over being haunted by the virtual reincarnation of Edward’s face and body. Or, might she have unconsciously “used” Tyler to get what she could never get from Edward? But your premise is that she has come to love Tyler entirely for himself, and has been loved in return in a way miles healthier than with Edward. And I love your Tyler so much that I’m willing to just go with it…

Jacob gets a snicker: "Well, he certainly smells better.”

Also earning a chuckle: ‘Bella is debating the merits of dragging him into her childhood bedroom versus tackling him on the living room couch when she pulls into her street and spies Charlie's cruiser parked at the curb.’
Damn.

Oh … clever twist on the alarm raised by the tampon box. And of course Tyler’s reaction is perfect.
This has got to be true: ‘…the realization of how much she doesn't know hits her, sending another spike of fear through her heart.’

Aww, later that night she asks what he’s thinking: ‘"I'm…honestly, I'm not really sure," he admits, and the small chuckle that follows his words does more to lift the weight from her heart than any words themselves could have.’ Yes.

Well said: ‘…while she has always seen Tyler as older, more mature, more experienced … in this moment, she feels like they're both teenagers, equally clueless and dumbfounded.’
And no Carlisle to come to the rescue.

What a lovely phrase: ‘…everything he's offering her sitting between them like an unopened gift.’

This is kind of amazing: ‘she tries to imagine what she'd be giving up – school, friends, the tail end of her adolescence…’ A little like the list of what she’d have given up to become a vampire – a list she adamantly refused to even consider. She has matured a bit!

Excellent: ‘"I want this," she says finally, and the admission, the acknowledgement, takes away a chunk of her fear like an outgoing tide clearing the beach of debris.’

Sniffle: ‘…he slides her out of her clothes with such tenderness that she feels more cherished, more beloved than she has at any other point in her life.’

I also smiled at Bella’s creaking bed, which in all those nights with Edward never had a reason to creak.

This is lovely: ‘"I'm going to take care of us, too," she vows, determined never again to be the lesser party.’

Oh my gosh, Tyler finds Edward’s stash of photos etc. Kind of startling that Tyler never knew his name before! He catches on quickly though:
"Well, that's pretty dickish."
"Huh?"
"For him to decide what's best for you like that. You're a smart girl. He sounds like a controlling, egomaniacal asshole."
By contrast with Tyler, certainly true.

Fascinating point:
‘…the depth of Edward's self-loathing isn't something she'll ever be able to explain to Tyler, but what she hadn't realized until now was how much of that revulsion was something that she had inadvertently absorbed – the guilt she always felt at the temptation of her blood, the insecurity that was borne of his inability to read her mind, the remorse at the danger she caused, not only for herself and Charlie but for the Cullens, by falling in love with him.’
Wow. How poisonous it must have been to be around those undercurrents all the time. No wonder she feels more free now.

Whoa, what a turning point:
"I'm so glad he left me," she whispers finally …"I'm so glad I get to have you."

This is kind of the acid test of the physical resemblance, Tyler’s reaction to Edward’s photos: "He dresses like a catalog model and looks like he's never seen the sun."
He even figures out that’s why she “bolted” the first time she saw him in The Strand.

Hmm: “But the second time I really looked at you, I saw all of the differences immediately. And I haven't thought about it since."
Shrugging, still not buying the second sentence.

Aww: ‘"But you don't…I mean, there isn't still any…" He trails off, uncharacteristic uncertainty and a vulnerability that makes her want to hug him swirling in his eyes.’
Loved her bottom line answer: “My heart is completely full of you."

Sigh: ‘…despite the fact that she's an unwed pregnant teenager with no game plan and that she's had vampires and werewolves and an entire police force protecting her in the past, she has never felt so protected, so cared for, so utterly safe as she does in this moment.’

Interesting explanation from Jacob about the nature of his problem with Edward.

Yumm, the phone call with Tyler: ‘…she closes her eyes, trying to envision him lying in his own bed, sheets low around his hips.’

i know you wrote this almost 3 years ago but this story is appalling. it broke my heart over and over. the emotion in it made my heart ache literally. its was beautifully written. amazing story! its amazing how many emotions the human psyche can feel. i feel like you gave me a rollercoaster of a ride. thanks!

A wonderful sentence for so many reasons:
‘They spend their days orbiting each other and their nights wrapped around each other, and she tries not to picture her summer in Forks as a seemingly endless stretch of time in which he'll be here, without her, a piece of flotsam riding the current of this beautiful city she has come to love while she sits, stagnant, on the opposite coast, in a town in which she feels suffocated.’

How did he know Bella overheard the conversation with the flirty tiny-pursed customer?
Well said: ‘She doesn't say anything, and the residual amusement bleeds from his face.’
He’s so good about making sure she’s confident that he wants her and no one else.

How hard did you have to work to figure out who was the girl of the hour at the time of this story? Jennifer Love Hewitt indeed.

Great line:
“I don't really want to ask my pediatrician back in Forks for a [birth control] prescription."
"Yeah, that's probably not the best idea. I'd hate for the Forks Chief of Police to have to fly all the way out here just to shoot me."

Oh, I’m glad she was able to contribute this regional perspective: “…stories about tribal ancestors who fought for their country and various other tales about how Native Americans are proud Americans, despite the fact that the holiday is more about freedom for some than liberty for all.”

What a positive observation: “New York can eat people up, or make them hard, or change them in ways that aren't for the better. You…since I met you, you've…bloomed."

Interesting that he thinks this:
"You're part of that, you know."
… "It might seem that way, Bella, but it's all you. It would have happened even if I hadn't been around for it."
It’s hard to imagine her having so successfully climbed out of the Edward crater without Tyler’s love.

Funny, from Kelsey:
"Yeah, I don't think I really belong in lumberjack country."
"You really don't.”

How clever!
"To Bella, who leaveth us for rural pastures."

You really reminded me of how this felt, arriving at the airport:
‘Tyler's fingers are warm in hers, and she tries not to succumb to the melancholy that has been looming since his alarm went off hours ago…’

It was kind of shocking to be reminded of what airline travel used to be like before 9/11… which of course is a very unwelcome reminder of where we’ll soon be going.

Hard to imagine Bella ever doing this in Forks:
‘He lowers his mouth to kiss her, and she ignores the fact that they're at an airport gate, a swirl of travelers around them, and focuses instead on the heat of his mouth, the softness of his lips, the taste of his tongue.’

The trip from the airport to Forks with Charlie sure reminded me of that initial one in the first book. Blessedly less awkward, though.

Interesting: ‘The truth that her heart belongs to someone else is, for the first time, something she doesn't feel the need to apologize for, and for the hundredth time, she marvels at the freedom she has found in, as Charlie himself once put it, loving what's good for her.’
Yes, Tyler is that.

Ooh, we’re going to find out the answer, right? ‘…she can't help wondering if he's phased recently, and what the pack's life has been like since the mass exodus of vampires from the immediate vicinity nearly two years earlier.’

Good for Jacob: "Bella, I haven't seen you smile like that in two years. I hope you don't expect me to believe it's because you get along with your roommate."
And then "Jesus, you have no poker face."

A sudden heavy twist in their conversation:
"What about you?"
"Me?"
"Imprint on anyone yet?"
Vivid illustration that Jacob is still under the yoke of the “mythical creature”, while Bella has escaped. Sad. And unfair.

Wow:
‘The simple act of slipping into the cab of her truck brings with it a cavalcade of nostalgia: damp hair and mittens, the windshield fogging up as the ancient defroster struggled to keep up... A pearl-skinned, ethereally beautiful boy in the passenger seat.’

Well-done awkward conversation with Angela; they manage it well.
Sobering: ‘…her friend – perhaps her only true human friend in Forks – was worried that, beyond the watchful eye of her father and the concern of her small cluster of peers, that she'd fall down the post-Edward rabbit hole once and for all.’

Wonderful: ‘…a smile she doesn't even have to reach for breaks across her face.’

I liked your idea that in Bella’s dream her second night home, Edward appears as insubstantial as he did in her imagination after he left. “watching her like a ghost”

Aww, I didn’t expect Tyler to be so constant about sending her mail. Brought back memories of when my Significant Other left for college a year before me. The note in the journal was particularly touching.

Whew: ‘Her days are eerily reminiscent of her time in Forks after the Cullens' departure, with one notable exception: her heart is whole.’
It’s easy to imagine that those oppressively familiar surroundings might have dragged her back toward the rabbit hole.

This sounds so Tyler: ‘…she imagines him out with Aidan, downing just enough beers to get giggly and pink-cheeked.’ And so younger Rob, for that matter.

What a good girlfriend, making the connection that Michael killed himself on HIS 22nd birthday. She’s right though, no point bringing that up on the phone from across the country.

Perfect distraction:
‘"Well, what do you get off on?"
There's a brief pause, and she can just picture his faintly dilated pupils, the slightly befuddled look on his face as he attempts to decipher her meaning.’

Your description of Tyler’s attempt to convince her “don’t go” was just luscious.

This made me smile: ‘Bella tries to imagine telling Charlie that she's shacking up with her boyfriend for the summer; she finds it easier to imagine telling him that her previous boyfriend was a vampire.’

Ha ha: ‘"And this Jake character," Tyler says, the way he faintly sneers the name reminding her, ever so briefly, of Edward.’

But then as your stories sometimes do - just like real life - it turns on a dime and we get the sniffles:
"Jake was the one who saved me when my heart broke."

Yeah, I was pretty sure she had no chance of actually getting up and leaving to go study!

Boy, this is a critical moment with Charlie, telling him she wants to stay in NY an extra week. ‘There's a long silence, the only sound the faint buzz of the line, and she's about to cave when she hears him sigh.’ She did it!

Amusing that Bella needlessly outs Tyler’s arrest. She should have paid more attention to police procedures in Forks!

This is interesting: Charlie’s ‘unspoken approval of her relationship with Tyler makes her feel stable and comfortable in a way she never did with Edward.’
Partly it’s just a more adult relationship because she and Tyler aren’t high schoolers living with their parents. But it’s also because there’s isn’t a ginormous secret she’s having to conceal?

Aww, Tyler's insistent “interruption” in her relentless studying strikes just the right note. Clearly he has been there himself.

Sweet:
“…if you're looking for action, you're in the wrong room."
He laughs, pressing a kiss to the crown of her head. "I'm just looking for you."

Funny: “in Renee's world, Greenwich Village is en route from Florida to Ohio."

Wonderful dialog, re Renee’s ‘good-sex lecture’:
"Try hearing it for the first time when you're twelve."
"Jesus." After a moment, though, the familiar spark of mischief that she adores appears in his eyes, and he licks his lips before taking a sip of his coffee. "And?"
"And what?"
"Have you taken your mother's advice to heart? Have you found a…'truly giving lover'?" His eyebrows waggle, and she rolls her eyes.
"Yeah, but I dumped him to date you instead."

Lovely: ‘…when she finally turns out the light and feels him curl his body around hers on her tiny twin mattress, the love she feels for him burns nearly as hot as the solid weight of him against her back.’

What a fun image, Bella leading her mother through NYC as easily as a native. And then the Yankee/Red Sox game – I’m almost jealous!

Excellent:
‘"Charming your mother is my own personal final exam," he says, and flattery washes over her like a tide.’
I really, really doubt he’ll have any trouble.

And after her phone convo with Tyler,
"The Yankees?" Phil breathes at the same time her mother almost screeches "Love you?!"
The trip to the game dovetails so nicely with Phil’s profession. In the stadium, ‘as Bella watches Renee watching her husband, something warm and understanding settles in her chest.’

Cute: ‘Bella gently reaches out and pries her mother's fingers from around Tyler's hand.’
It’s kind of sobering to realize that in this time line, her mother never met Edward.

Glad to see Bella casually stand up for herself to both Tyler and Phil:
"Shut up, both of you. I'm trying to learn!"

Nice:
‘"Maybe I'll wear just [the cap] and nothing else later." … It might be the boldest thing she's ever said in her life, and his obvious reaction makes it more than worth it.’

Good job on Renee’s insistence on oversharing re B&T’s sexual relationship. Valiant attempt to shut it down:
"He knows what he's doing. He's great. We're great. It's phenomenal. Can we move on now?"

A stunning line: ‘And, for a brief, fleeting moment, she allows herself to be thankful that she was never given the option to choose a life that would have taken her relationship with her mother away.’

Ha ha:
‘"Let's just say I thoroughly impressed her with my assurance that you know what you're doing in that department."
She can't tell if the look that crosses his face is more mortified or more preening, but she finds it endearing all the same.’
Maybe equal parts of both.

Hilarious story about the infield maintenance crew and the YMCA song.

Sweetly awkward miscommunication about Bella and her mother: "Maybe you both found the guys you were supposed to keep around when you were eighteen." Eventually it settles into "I just want you to know I'm in this. That's all." And her reply "I'm all in."
Sigh.

Fun speculation about his proposed trip to Forks:
"Do you really have intentions of sneaking into my childhood bedroom with my cop father down the hall?" Yikes if that doesn’t cause loud echoes of Edward. And still this sneaks up on me: ‘She forces her mind not to travel back in time to memories of a boy as heavy as marble.’
And of course at the end, Tyler knows perfectly well how she sleeps now. And perhaps more touchingly, vice versa.

Hmm, it’s interesting to think about Bella coming in contact with the uberwealthy Cullens and then the very wealthy Hawkinses. The “cabin” sounds like a place the Cullens might have chosen.

I enjoyed this take on her changing feelings toward NYC: ‘the sense of ownership she feels toward it, the complete absence of the intimidation it once instilled in her.’

Your brief description of Tyler driving, a few words, a few brushstrokes, is delicious. Then their playfulness over radio station choices is so refreshingly normal.

Interesting thought about her apparent lack of klutziness: ‘Is it possible that … something that seemed so definitive of her, something she'd been carrying around for as long as she can remember, can simply cease to be true?’
Encouraging.

Ah, what a delightful time out on the deck, cuddling under the stars wrapped in a blanket. It’s good to see her savor it: ‘Bella lets her eyes fall closed, trying to commit the moment to her sensory memory…’

Loved this: "Okay, you're killing me. Do you want that? Or not? Because it's fine either way, but knowing one way or the other would help me out."
Still sweetly Tyler, but a real guy.

Terrific: ‘"I want that." The minute the words are past her lips, she feels like she's free falling, and it's infinitely more thrilling and only slightly less terrifying than her literal cliff-dive of a year ago.’

A moment that conjures up the ghost of Edward’s strength, when they get up from the chair: ‘...making a move as if to stand while still holding her.’ But Bella doesn’t seem to go there at all.

Yumm: ‘As he slides [her jeans] down her legs, she steadies herself with a hand on his shoulder; she can feel the solid heat of him in the shifting muscles beneath his shirt.’

Nicely said: ‘she finds comfort in his kisses, familiarity in this ever-rising tide of the unknown…’

Your Tyler is a champ at communicating:
‘"Okay, I've never…done this before with someone who hasn't done it before. So you have to tell me, okay? If it hurts, or…something. You have to tell me."
She's mildly reassured by his obvious nerves…’

Later he insists that she explain her overreaction to his ‘I have to … go”.

Wonderful: ‘Pulling back to look down at her, she can see his blue-green eyes darken in the half-light, and before this moment, she thought that was an indicator of hunger reserved for immortals. But the desire to devour her is evident in his eyes...’

I love her unabashed curiosity about his body, and that he encourages her with ‘a gentle affection’:
‘Despite the fact that she feels stupid, naïve, inexperienced, she can't help … taking in every part of him with her eyes, fingertips itching to touch every inch of his skin…’
And ‘There's a part of her that wants to do this all night, wants to touch him a million different ways and memorize every reaction he has, but there's also a part of her that's desperate for what comes next…’
Luckily, she’ll have time to explore later.

I was a little surprised though that someone as experienced as Tyler didn’t bring her to orgasm first. And wow, I was surprised at the mental echoes of the honeymoon with Edward (which of course didn’t happen in this time line, and wasn’t in the book!). This was a well imagined and described first time. Made me particularly sympathetic to young guys – how difficult it must be to hold back and wait while an inexperienced girl’s body adjusts.

Aww: ‘…she tells him the truth … that is screaming along every vein in her body and ballooning in her heart and mind with such enormity that she can't feel anything else. "It feels like I'm yours."’

Awesome: “I didn't want to tell you when you were in pain, but…fuck, you feel incredible.”

And ‘needing his words nearly as much as his body’. Yes.

An excellent observation: ‘She wonders if everyone's first time works the same way, or if the truth in her heart is what makes it easier for her body to surrender, the emotional knowledge that she's his paving the way for her body to follow suit.’

I liked how she reassures him that she’s OK with not coming this time. And a luscious description of watching/feeling him come.

Definitely made me smile:
‘…a beautiful, unexpected laugh that seems to chase all ghosts from the room. "Mind-bogglingly good? Really?"’

Boy he has no idea what a home run he has hit:
"It was exactly what I'd always hoped my first time would be like. Exactly."
He has leapfrogged right over the ghost of Edward.

Oh my gosh: when she wakes in the middle of the night next to him: ‘…she realizes the truth of her own earlier words: she's his now.
Everything else is just memory.’

Oh, yeah, Tyler in a suit! I’m kind of lost in that image…

Wonderful description of the restaurant. I enjoyed Bella’s contrasting description of the Nevada water tower. My small CA town had one too.

Great comparison: ‘She thinks about New York, and all of the dangers her father had spent the summer months after her high school graduation warning her about... Then she thinks about her short time in Forks, and all of the dangers that small-town living had brought across her path: vampires, werewolves, an immortal boy with the power to very nearly break her.’

A beautiful observation – Bella thinks of Charles as “commanding”: ‘She wonders fleetingly if Tyler realizes he possesses the same gift, but that he chooses to execute it with a disarming brand of charm rather than a businesslike brand of intimidation.’

It’s telling that once Charles leaves, ‘she can see the exhaustion in [Tyler’s] posture, read his desire to get out of his father's space and back onto more comfortable turf.’

Fun teasing at the end: "You're more alike than you think, you know."

Great story really! I'm glad you didn't bring Bella & Edward back together. The ending was just perfect. Thank you for writing it!

Fun, when Tyler suggests they ditch visiting his mother because she has to love him anyway:
“She doesn't have to love me, though," Bella replies…
"True," he says, stepping back. "You, she could hate on sight."

Nice: Bella wonders ‘If his lack of desire to wear designer is an attempt to shrug off where he comes from – a direct contrast to her desire to wear her roots like body armor. Or scars.’

What an intriguing view of Tyler: ‘he at once relaxes in the presence of his family, but also steps into a protective, almost paternal role. He treats Les like a peer, not a surrogate father figure, and he's constantly checking to make sure his mother and sister have what they need.’
Promisingly grown-up.

Wow: "It's as if he's made a promise to himself that he'll never let Caroline down the way Michael let him down.”

Tyler’s family makes her think of the Cullens:
‘She realizes, perhaps for the first time, how much she's missed all of them, and acknowledges the family-sized hole they'd briefly filled in her life before vanishing. Somehow, in the wake of their exodus from Forks, Charlie's small house had felt even emptier, even lonelier, even though she'd spent her entire life the only child of one single parent or the other.’
Sigh.

Good observation: ‘not once was she referred to as Edward's girlfriend. Never was such an innocent, seemingly innocuous, happy term applied to their relationship. Every single reference to her in regard to him painted her as a possession, or something to be resisted: his mate. His singer. His heroin.’

Smile, there’s something disorienting about the idea of Tyler going to Forks to meet Charlie.

Yumm: ‘The kiss he gives her melts her, scorches her, ignites her, and when she finally slips into bed hours later, paper saved on her hard drive, she can still feel the warmth of him coursing through her veins.’

I liked this: ‘It's nearly ten o'clock, and she can't help but wonder what her father would think about her walking around the city alone after dark, eating dinner at nine-thirty at night. … She wonders if it will be obvious when she goes home…’

Cute: "Sorry, ma'am," he replies. "No doomed love of any kind to be found here."

What an honor to be offered some of his writing. You captured his shyness about it perfectly.

I love this halting bit of dialog:
"Valentine's Day. What we...almost did. After the bar. …
Was that…I mean…am I…will I…would I…be…the first?"

Oh, boy:
‘"Because you're the kind of guy who has one-night stands with hot bartenders, and I'm the small-town virgin who had never even been in a bar until that night. I just…I don't know why you like me." Realization is a brick wall she hits full-speed, cracking defenses like rib bones: it's the same question she never had the courage to ask Edward. The familiar wave of insecurity is nearly enough to make her feel sick.’
Now’s your chance, Tyler!

Wonderful: “One of your firsts might be with me, so I'm giving you one of mine.”
And although it’s only words, it must feel just as risky to him.

Quintessential Tyler:
"You can trust me, okay? I don't have the greatest track record, and my family is sort of a mess, and I'm sort of a mess, but…" He trails off with an apologetic shrug. "I'm basically in love with you, so it would be great if you could just…believe that." His voice goes soft. "I won't hurt you. I promise." A cloud passes over his features. "I won't do to you what he did to you."

And then,
"Do you still…am I still competing with him?"
She's surprised that her head-shake is instant, that she doesn't even have to think about it. "No," she says honestly. "You haven't been for a while."
He has no idea what a milestone that is for her!

Snicker: He offers her sweatpants and a T-shirt ‘from a pile of what she hopes is clean laundry’.

Painful: “Caroline and I saw a child psychiatrist after Michael died. She suggested I try writing to Michael to help myself sort out some of my feelings about his suicide.”
At least they had that support. Their parents had to be pretty devastated themselves.

Oh my God: "I saw him that morning… He seemed so…happy. That morning. So alive. …it doesn't make any sense to me. Either he knew when he was sitting across the table from me what he was going to do, in which case how the hell could he act so happy, or he didn't know, in which case what the hell went so wrong between then and a few hours later when I found him hanging from the ceiling?"

And of course how awful that Tyler was the one to find him. I can’t imagine Michael would have wanted that.

Ohhh… “And I'm so pissed off that in the last memory I have of him, he wasn't big at all."
I just want to give him a hug.

Wow, insightful and comforting reply:
“Maybe that moment – having breakfast with you, just being happy in the moment – maybe that was just how he wanted to feel forever. Maybe he wanted those last, perfect moments before he did what he did. And maybe it's special that he chose to spend them with you."

It’s hard to imagine Edward ever opening up his own griefs like that. She gets to experience a whole different kind of intimacy with Tyler.

Aww: ‘She didn't say it back, but the reality of it is thrumming steadily in her chest, buzzing behind her ears, and she feels as if she's bursting with the euphoric truth of it. It bubbles up in her, heady and all-consuming, an inferno similar to what she feels when he touches her…’

So sweet: ‘His eyes don't open again, but a small smile curls the corners of his mouth.’

This chapter was just lovely!

Sometimes, I ignore trigger warnings when I see them. Sometimes, I don't know what triggers are there, because I haven't seen the movie. Sometimes, I bust out crying in my office because I suddenly realize, when Tyler tells her to go to the bookstore on world trade 5. I read the rest of the story through a haze of tears, and o still cannot believe I am so affected by something that happened so far away from me and was never a trigger for me before. You make feelings grow wings. Thanks for sharing your talent with us.

Sweet: ‘all she sees is blue-green eyes and auburn hair, the cream-pink expanse of warm, soft, blood-flushed skin.’
Although I still can’t believe she wouldn’t have frequent Edward flashbacks. Maybe she's past that.

Wow: ‘despite her intellectual misgivings, she feels uncharacteristically free, as though there's something about having been broken to the depths of her soul that has left behind a kind of reckless optimism, a "been there, done that, couldn't possibly be worse" sort of mentality.’
Much better than fearing / assuming the worst.

Yaay: ‘She rarely gets lost these days, even in the maze of the Village…’

Whew: ‘The parts [of her past] that don't bring her comfort, she's relieved to see, are slowly fading like scars, becoming simple scenery on the road map of her life instead of the once massive, disastrous detours that threatened to derail her every day.
… She hasn't woken screaming since September.’
Hmm, so she has managed to put those months with Edward in perspective – which would have taken forever if she’d stayed in Forks.

Laughed out loud at Kelsey’s thoughts about Tyler: "I mean, his clothes sort of make him look homeless, and the boy could use a haircut, but still."
And this:
"So," Kelsey says to him easily, as if she wasn't just imagining and discussing his bare ass. "What's with the notebook?"

Fun:
"Really, though. [Kelsey’s] a trip."
"Again, I refer you back to the wonder that is Aidan."

Uh oh: "Caroline asked about you, and my mother overheard, and now she's on a mission to meet 'the famous Bella.'"

Charming: ‘He grins, and Bella's not sure what it is about this boy's smile that can reduce her [to?] this: a quivering, nervous, besotted puddle of a girl.’
A little different from vampire dazzling. Edward did not grin or smirk anywhere near as freely as Tyler.

This sounds like Bella: 'I'm-serious-and-studious-but-sexy-as-hell' hot.

Another definite difference from Edward – Tyler’s room is ‘chaos, but she sort of likes it.’ Although they do have the journal thing in common.

I love this: ‘…recalling the intensity of writing-Tyler: the furrowed brow, lower lip caught between teeth, non-writing hand balling into a fist and releasing before curling up tight again, as if he's freeing secrets from one empty hand into the pen of the other.’

Yes, what an improvement: ‘…one of the best things she's discovering about Tyler is that whatever emotion he's feeling cannot be hidden. … She is confident that, if she oversteps, he will let her know, and with that certainty has come an amazing amount of freedom.’
Whereas with Edward, all his years of hiding what he is have made him extremely guarded.

Ouch: “I promised Caroline I'd stop [smoking]. …She already has one dead brother."
Yeah, in the movie we heard a lot about how Michael’s death affected Tyler, but of course it would have hit Caroline hard too.

A marvelous new experience for her:
"Hey, Bella?"
"Yeah?"
"Your hands on me?"
"Yeah."
"Awesome. Beyond awesome. But also driving me crazy, and if you keep them there, we're not going to be celebrating Valentine's Day anywhere but in this bedroom."
Nice phrase: ‘his utter disinterest in pretending he doesn't want her.’

Aww, at the bar ‘he smiles down at her, a warm blend of amusement and affection in his eyes.’

Good line, Bella, re Tyler’s one night stand with the bartender:
"Guess your days of free drinks are over, huh?"

Yummy: ‘…something about the way he simply reached out and moved her makes her heart beat a quicker rhythm in her chest.’
You do a great job portraying the fun and excitement of a quickly escalating connection.
‘He makes her laugh, and when she lets her head tip back to really guffaw, he covers her mouth with his, catching her by the best kind of surprise. And even though it's only a half-kiss, given that their mouths are both curled upward in smiles, it might be one of the best she's ever had.’
‘…she wonders if it's the liquor or just him that she's drunk on.’

A great Aidan moment: ‘she glances over to where Aidan appears to be recounting a circus act or some other remarkably acrobatic story for his date…’

Wow, quite the encounter with the pushy guy wanting to buy Bella a drink. Glad you didn’t make him look like James. Tyler really does seem “too quick-tempered and volatile for my own good."

A big moment: ‘…the rather jarring realization that everything about Tyler makes her feel stronger than she is, rather than the opposite.’

I’m impressed – she takes the next choice into her own hands:
‘"Can I stay?" she asks finally, feeling as though she's standing on the edge of a cliff – and she's been on the edge of a cliff before, and why is this scarier?’

Excellent: ‘Tyler burns. He burns like fire in the places she became accustomed to ice.’
I like your use of the Frost “fire and ice” theme, too.

A lovely phrase: ‘his hands trace heat along previously uncharted parts of her’.

He’s the right kind of guy for her:
‘"It's okay," he says again. "Not tonight." He doesn't push, doesn't elaborate…’

This killed me: ‘she falls asleep to a lullaby she's never heard: the slow, steady, beautiful thud of a heartbeat.’
How much greater contrast could there be?

Whew, deep breath: ‘The last party Bella went to ended in very literal disaster…’
It would be impossible to keep that memory from shadowing her present experience.
‘She didn't even attend any graduation parties…’ Yeah, I bet.

How refreshingly un-Alice: ‘Regardless, she wants to feel like herself, wants to be comfortable, and she opts for clothes that will let her wear minor familiarity like body armor…’

Love this:
‘"Hi," he says, and she feels a bubble of something that isn't anxiety or uncertainty well up in her chest.’
Yaay!

I enjoyed Tyler’s tortured metaphor for wanting to kiss her at the beginning of their date, and that he recognized that. A nice little flicker of Allie, too.

Whoa: ‘This isn't the tortured, ill-advised attraction of a self-loathing teenage vampire or the awkward, unwelcome attention of a pubescent boy intrigued by the shiny new girl in his homeroom class; this is the devastating flirtation of a man who knows exactly what a sly smirk and a casual touch can do to a girl. Tyler Hawkins is exactly the kind of boy who has never paid attention to her, and it's at once terrifying and exhilarating.’
Really, she’s never even known anyone like Tyler. Lovely that she finds his attention exciting.

When Bella tells Tyler that Edward ‘always went to great lengths not to kiss me’, I loved his answer:
‘"Well, I don't know him, but I can say without reservation that your last boyfriend was an idiot." Pleasure rises in her like a soap bubble…’

Wow, how interesting to watch Bella navigating the dating-history conversation. She ‘wonders how much of [Tyler’s] curiosity is an inner debate on whether or not he's willing to dive into murky waters.
"He made me willing to sacrifice everything for him, and then he sacrificed me."’
Whoa, seriously murky waters. From the moment when she fled from him at first sight, he’s had to be brave to pursue her.

After she laughs at her “once bitten” comment, ‘… she is tempted to explain, a pull she has never felt since she deciphered the Cullens' secret, and that, in itself, is telling.’
Yes, it really is. She’s not as submerged in that world and its rules as she was.

Huh, I half-expected the bikini-clad “greeter” at the party to do the blatant-drooling thing Bella always had to put up with in Edward’s company. Again, it’s refreshing to deal with ordinary human attractiveness, without the vampire lure.

Good girl, telling the truth that she’s never been to a party (well, not this kind) before. And good for him, requesting a “light” daiquiri.

Another refreshing “welcome to the real world”:
‘She understands, suddenly, how a girl could get completely swept up in cute boys and sweet drinks and wind up too hammered to stand.’
Maybe she even understands Jessica Stanley a little.

Your Aidan was note-perfect. Funny about both Allie and Bella being cop’s daughters. I especially liked this line:
"Well, my work here is done. Unless you'd like to hear more of Tyler's sordid history?"

So true:
‘…something about this boy whose existence is a good eighty years shy of Edward's seems more knowing, more worldly than her vampire ex.’

Good moment re James’ bite mark, too. She handled it well.

Another good observation:
‘”…you're not currently in possession of all your faculties."
"I'm in possession of enough of them," she replies without missing a beat, and thinks that if this type of courage is what comes with alcohol, she understands why people might make a habit of imbibing.’

Ooh, this is totally believable, misunderstanding Tyler’s hesitation to kiss her:
"I've been here, okay?" she says, tears and humiliation climbing her throat. "With someone who didn't want me.”

His reply was just perfect, resulting in
‘She has spent so long doubting her own appeal, retracing her past missteps and mistaken assumptions, dissecting details to find the flaws, that to have a boy so openly admit that he wants her – to surrender to the desire instead of always keeping a white-knuckled grip on the reins of his self-restraint – very nearly knocks her on her ass.’

Excellent:
“I compare how you make me feel with how I felt when I was with him, but that's more about me than either of you."

Good description of Bella’s musings as they walk back to her place. She enjoys ‘The fact that the way he purses his lips when he's thinking isn't because he has poison pooling in his mouth as a result of his barely-harnessed desire to kill her. The fact that she knows what it looks like when he drinks something and swallows it.’ Shiver.

Well observed: ‘His shoulders are hunched, the question mark posture of a teenage boy who sprouted inches faster than he could figure out how to carry them.’

Yummy, the next morning ‘her mind keeps coming to rest on the same [memory]: Tyler, hands against the wall behind her, mouth hot and soft on hers.’

What a charming moment, after she tracks him down at the bookstore:
‘"Do you remember me kissing you?"
She is focusing on the red tag around his neck, his name spelled out in all caps as if it's shouting at her. TYLER! "Yes," she says to his chest, and she hears him chuckle.
"Usually it's the guy whose focus is somewhere south of eye level," he muses…’
…followed by her first kiss pushed up against the shelves in The Strand. Likely not her last.

Sigh, entirely believable that when Allie found out why Tyler first approached her, it ended their relationship. I still miss her – which is dumb, because then he wouldn’t be dating Bella!

And then that lovely line that you chose for your story summary. Bella’s answer at the end was wonderful too: "Catch me."