|Reviews for Sweet Stray|
| nymphxdora chapter 1 . 3/6
I love the way you start the story off with a rather commonplace sentence and then use it to build the strangeness of Lily’s first contact with the magical world. It flowed really well and reminded me of the original series.
I also love the way that you characterize Lily’s parents through tiny little lines—like Lily’s mum crying and her dad taking to the whole thing well. I wish we could have seen more of them—and I also wondered where Petunia had disappeared off to—even if she didn’t come with them to the station, it would have been nice to mention where she was.
Love the interaction between Lily and the boy, and I like the way we see Lily’s confusion about the house. And oh, it’s Sirius! I love the way Sirius really quickly shakes off the fact that Lil’s a Muggleborn- it’s perfectly in character and beautifully done. It shows that he doesn’t really care. As usual, Voices, your Marauder’s characterization is on point so a thousand cookies to you.
Ofc James is such a flirt omg he was fabulous and then I love James suddenly going on about the uppity Blacks- so fabulous!
The Sorting was really nicely written and I love the little scene where the kiddos get back to the Great Hall. My favourite part was the contrast between Sirius and Lily when it came to the idea of home. Honestly, that was so well done because Sirius—who’s never felt home at home would obviously consider this place to be a form of home, kind of like Harry did. But then Lily still treasures her family, so she considers it just school- like how Ron or Hermione may have approached Hogwarts. Really lovely job there!
Ew Bellatrix. My only issue here is that Bella would have already graduated by this time, as she graduates a few years before the Marauders join the school. You’ve got her written perfectly though- the taunting dialogue was wonderful!
Really good job!
| The Lady Arturia chapter 1 . 3/5
Really sorry for the late review I've been sleeping waaay too much lately.
Anyway- I'm excited to see a story by you dedicated to just Lily.
Hm, OK right off the bat I thought the first paragraph doesn't flow very well. The sentences are pretty disjointed from one another and the transition from one to the next are quite abrupt and jarring. I'm not sure why; probably because you've used perfect past?
Mm also, the Brits don't use the period after Mr or Mrs as they're not abbreviations, they're only short forms.
Oooh I was literally sitting at the edge of my seat when the whole train thing happened. That was well done.
OH YES YES I AM SO HAPPY THAT THE BOY WAS SIRIUS. I actually, when I read the boy thing, I was like ugh no is this another one of those Lily meets James because he saves her right from the very beginning things and I am glad to see that it was Sirius. Actually after reading this I can imagine something happening between Lily and Sirius as well hm yes that would be interesting to write about.
I LOVE YOUR PORTRAYAL OF JAMES BECAUSE IT IS ON POINT AND INSTANTLY MADE ME DESPISE HIM. Fraking James Bigheaded Potter in all his idioticity...-grumbles-
I REALLY LIKE THIS. I really liked how you had James just come in, act like the ginormous prat that he is, and leave. And I like that you have Sirius and Lily building up a friendship. You know you're literally one of those writers who writes exactly what I want to read so congratulations for that.
Ohh of course stupid Potter comes back and acts like some high and mighty SOB. Siriusly AGH I just cannot stand him.
I really liked it though, except for the beginning, everything flowed really well, your characterisations were on point and I loved how you had Sirius/Lily together. Great job!
| GeekyLola chapter 1 . 2/2
Okay, so at first i didn't realize this was AU without Lily knowing Snape before they get their letters to Hogwarts. Once I got that in my head, however, i must say I found the descriptions of the way lily had felt about receiving a letter, and going to Diagon Alley and doing all the crazy stuff, to be very realistic. I can't imagine how surprising it must be for a Muggleborn to receive a letter to Hogwarts. Though I also imagine that part of them is relieved, suddenly all these things they can do are explained.
The first meeting between Sirius and Lily is cute. The first meeting between James and Sirius is...unexpected. But as James' family are known for not having issue with Muggleborns it's not surprising that he would have a dislike of the Black family, knowing how hateful they are. It's sort of funny to imagine, knowing that down the line James and Sirius are basically brothers.
I also found it funny that Sirius called himself a white sheep instead of a black sheep, it's very fitting.
Lily's lack of excitement towards any of the awesome stuff happening to her seems a bit unbelievable. Most people would love to find out they were magical,,,I mean I understand the shock and confusion...maybe it's just that I've seen how Lily is portrayed having reacted to her magical abilities and learning about Hogwarts and all this stuff so it's hard for me to see her not excited about all of it.
And there it is! I was wondering if you were going to give the moment James and Sirius started getting along better. I'm glad to see it made it in here.
I enjoyed this story. It was a very interesting take on the events that led to Lily meeting James and Sirius. I found it interesting that you created a friendship between Sirius and Lily first. i don't usually read stories where that happens. But it was well done, and that's the important thing. Good job.
| Summer Leigh Wind chapter 1 . 1/31
I think I should assume this world deviates quite a bit from canon? Because we know before Hogwarts, Lily knew Severus and he filled her in more or less on being a witch and what Hogwarts was like.
Though, I did like how in your story Sirius stepped up on the train and explained it all to her! It was a nice take on Sirius and it really did show how much he wanted to differentiate from his family by being friendly instead of sneering at her lack of knowledge.
The addition of Bellatrix at the end was cool, I like how they all came around to help Sirius out when they saw it happening. It seems like a very nice set-up for the forming of the marauders (with Lily instead of Remus, given the situation).
| fanfictionfan1990 chapter 1 . 12/12/2014
This was really good. I imagined this how li your any muggleborn would react. I liked her meeting with Sirius. This is quite different from how people usually portray her meeting with one of the future Marauders. I would be shocked by the prejudice as well.
| Kyepie05 chapter 1 . 4/14/2013
I like it! Wow, I wasn't expecting to see Lily and Sirius as original buddies before anyone else! I love that! This was great!
| Guest chapter 1 . 4/13/2013