|Reviews for Revelations|
| DownDeepSouth chapter 5 . 5/10
Nice action. Great pacing. Those are a given-they're your strengths.
You have a little bit of a habit of putting one word when you mean another. (ex: indigent for indignant) Again, a read through or beta should catch those mistakes.
| DownDeepSouth chapter 4 . 5/9
So in this chapter you gave us a bit of a data dump. One way you could have made the introductions and revealed the code names without throwing a list into a paragraph is to include them as each character spoke.
Another problem: Vulcan parents don't yell at their children and Admirals don't curse on the Bridge. If they did, there would have been a hell of a lot more cursing during the Fall of Vulcan.
That said, Thank You. A Mario Cart track on Vulcan needed to be.
(Vulcans *can* drift!)
| DownDeepSouth chapter 3 . 5/9
I love the creative code names, though at this point they are obviously useless (any Romulan listening in could have used voice recoginition software or identified Spock by references to Starfleet). And I'm generally a fan of Sybok being included in stories, as long as stick in at least some ways to his canon (which includes Star Trek V, which is an insane movie).
Again, another read through would really help. And while you go to great lengths to give Chekov and Scotty realistic dialogue, your Vulcans are too emotional. Sarek didn't crack when his bondmate died in front of him, and the Vulcans rescued didn't act emotionally after their world was destroyed and their population decimated-all that is to say that they are well able to exert control in stressful situations.
All of that said, I'll still be reading your next chapter! Keep it up!
| DownDeepSouth chapter 2 . 5/9
Did this just turn into the Vulcan version of The Fast and The Furious?
Again, you are throwing some crack!fic fun ideas out there, which definitely makes me want to read more. You also still have enough grammatical errors to serve as a distraction. One extra read through, or getting a beta reader, should help clear them up easily.
("a Bad Ass with a past!" For the LOLZ)
| DownDeepSouth chapter 1 . 5/9
Certainly this is an action-packed way to start off a new fic! The pacing was fast, and there weren't any lulls.
The concept is interesting too. You've clearly got a new and interesting view of Vulcan, its politics, heirarchy, and Spock's family. I'm looking forward to learning more about the Vulcan Royals, Youth, and the Empress. Your Vulcan constructs remind me of the TOS mirror universe, and I can't wait to see how it plays out.
As for a little constructive feedback, your work would really benefit from one more read through, or a beta reader. There are little grammatical errors, swapped words, and other small stuff that interrupts your flow. With action-packed pacing like this, you don't want the reader to have to stop and re-read a sentence.
| Guest chapter 1 . 1/27
could u finish this story please
| Guest chapter 15 . 11/20/2014
Please finish this story it is amazing
| kufanatic chapter 15 . 4/19/2014
Please updated. Great story.
| Guest chapter 1 . 1/3/2014
Please update this year I luv this story 2014
| Guest chapter 15 . 11/30/2013
Please update and finish this story. I love it!
| Guest chapter 1 . 10/30/2013
oh my goodness I can't wait for more story
| Jack lady chapter 15 . 10/18/2013
Love this story! I have added it on my bookmarks bar so I can get each new chapter.
| Guest chapter 15 . 9/29/2013
Yes yes I am overjoyed to read another chapter please do not waite
So long next time and also I enjoyed the little update we had. Lol
| Karen50 chapter 15 . 9/29/2013
Great chapter. I really enjoyed the happy interlude.
| Obsessive66 chapter 15 . 9/28/2013
Great to see another chapter. I enjoyed it, thank you.