|Reviews for Ice and Fire|
| Blank chapter 19 . 9/24
Your fanfic is awesome!. Hope some of it gets adapted to R3!
| Raiyoukai chapter 49 . 9/9
This was an absolute delight to read. I could barely stop, and in fact I think I might have missed a few meals to simply continue the enthralling tale that you weaved.
Certainly, it has its detractions; improper grammar in places, some run-on sentences, paragraphs that abruptly stop and other editing errors, over-elucidation in dialogue, and an occasional habit of going on tangential information dumps during the prose to name a few - but none of these are large enough to say that this work wasn't fantastic and deserving of great praise.
I now journey onwards to part two of your trilogy, where I will join the legion of fans that you have accumulated with this work in endeavouring upon the journey with you as you provide it for us.
Thank you for all the time and effort you placed into this work, it has certainly been a great time reading it.
| Ganheim chapter 49 . 9/2
If you do not know what you have done wrong, then maybe you have failed me
[I’ve always felt this to be a cheap line. “you make up what you did wrong, either way you’re getting the short end of the stick”]
with me. What
nor will I ever be
[this seems unnecessary]
He honestly knew he may have laid it on a bit thickly
[Head jumping – you started the scene from Cornelia. Also passive and dumping conclusions on us instead of showing us the signals indicating it, but you already gave the conversation. You don’t need to have him say he’s worried then tell us in narrative he’s worried]
dressed in a aristocratic livery
developing any of the sociopathy that may have developed
is she up to,
[Questions need their mark]
Too slowly…instincts desperately…subtly flexing
[way too many adverbs in one paragraph, much less one sentence]
eyepatch in which a single jewel dangled from it
[That seems more ornate than Lelouch would use. You’ve indicated multiple times he’s not a big fan of shiny dangling bits. Also awkward phrasing]
What did I do,"
I think i will
Lord V.V.," he
Is he alive,"
It had been at Andraste's insistence
[And here we go back into Author Intrusive Data Dump. There’s not even an attempt to shade it with the lens of a viewpoint character]
It had been…had come to an accord
[Passive. Also unnecessary – that they’re in the same place both working towards something SHOWS they came to some agreement. Stop Telling us]
The world was changing
[Telling. Show us, put us in a scene and walk us through as people DO things]
family was safe under
[Under protection is not safe, especially with as much SpecOps as your story openly has]
and combatting it
[combating. Also still Telling for this and several paragraphs]
trying to finetune it
Lelouch retorted softly
[Weak. The adverb undercuts the strength of the retort, but doesn’t really add any clarification]
Do it…but I want the prototype in position
[He just said he’d need to REMOVE it]
instance for the how might have fallen
[of how the mighty have fallen?]
dodged being executed…wasn't worth the effort
[How is an execution in this world where the nobility have negligible to answer for any harder than life imprisonment where he can later be freed?]
chains that had anchored him to the bench were severed
[I know hollywoodism includes shooting locks and not having the bullet ricochet, but I was hoping for a more realistic key or bolt cutter]
Winters to scream
not much you do
Wisely, he chose
[Telling. Just get to the action that SHOWS]
good at anything he applied himself at
[Almost to Marty Stu levels!]
I hate stopping before something’s done, but there is SO much Telling that I can’t manage the strain. You have many opportunities to Show, to give us the small details that indicate emotions or plans or duplicity or whatever, but you often instead bring a complete halt to the action, sometimes for multiple long paragraphs at a time, so you can Tell us something you don’t believe the scene can show on its own.
| IveGotNoIdea chapter 41 . 8/23
Wow... twelve missiles... Code Geas missile tech really have to suck to not be able to stop them without dozens of ships out there.
| Lolo John chapter 1 . 7/8
not Blood and Tears, Sweat and Pain
| River king chapter 50 . 7/7
| wraith54 chapter 49 . 6/23
This is one of my absolute favorite stories on this site, very well could be my favorite. Excellent job in general throughout it, also that ending was simply awesome. Very much looking forward to the rest of this trilogy.
| SomePerveGuy chapter 26 . 6/22
So I read up to this chapter and my review:
Some things just don't add up or just wouldn't have happened in your fanfic if we look at the canon and give it a little thinking.
Examples: Suzaku would never have become a knight or piloted a Knightmare. The reason being there is no reason for Lelouch, Euphemia or any other Royal to be in Area 11 before your Zero(Kallen).(I'll explain about Clovis after Suzaku)
Next what I read in this chapter just made me dumbfounded of Euphemia reminding Suzaku about him killing his dad but even more dumbfounding is the he would tell them. The guy went to the army for the reason to die because he sees himself as a sinner for his crime and for Japan.
Suzaku lovers and neutrals be warned a massive Shitzaku hater release.
I hate Suzaku so much. If I make a Code Geass fanfiction. Im gonna make him die. Fuck I want to torture him to death just for his idiocies in canon, I mean just how many had to die for him to get the fucking reality wake up call. I mean the people who died from the Flea warhead, the ones he killed not to mention what he did in between season one to two with him being the White Death of Britannia and helping Britannia conquer and enslave people. And don't make me started on his fucking spin fly kick. Truth be told I had a hard time seeing him and Euphemia together I'm even ok with LelouchXEuphemia just so he can be alone and suffer. That little ass wipe should just go crawl in a hole and die.
Hhhhhhhhnnnnn(inhale). Haaaaaaaa (exhale) that was a good release.
Clovis would not be the Viceroy of Area 11 because he in Canon choose to be one because of the "death" of the vi Britannia siblings.(but ok a reason can be made for him being there as V.
V.V. trying to kill the siblings also to ME doesn't seem like something he would do since he did hate Marianne. But it kinda seems like a stretch to me since they have no support , maybe he would try it after Lelouch makes a good enough reason for him self maybe then but still acceptable.
Marianne revelling her self to V.V. is kind of a hard stretch because he would try to kill her again.( Even if the Emperor new and maybe even kill Charles. But those are mine thoughs.)Also is a liability for him to know her Geass. It gives him info on how to kill her for good.
Hmmm not a big fan of OC or most of the Code Geass multiverse characters(can't remember them all)
You nailed the character mentally well for the most part. Euphy is a little to strange for me when I read about her here. Hmmm maybe that's just me being a stick in the mud. Of course not all of them will be like they were in canon since you changed the past. Hmmm there might be more stuff but these are the main things on my mind now. Good luck.
| harlequin320 chapter 49 . 6/12
great chapter, loved this story, it was great, I look forward to the next installment
| The King in White chapter 49 . 6/9
Dramatic end, haha. Looking forward to the sequel.
| Batta the Beast chapter 49 . 6/9
A pleasure as always. Kallen confirming herself as Zero? Very unexpected. I'll also say that it's very hard to believe that Renfeld had a higher title than the Stadtfelts since Caedmon was about to execute him in the invasion of Japan. And there's no way his subordinates will follow that command if Renfeld was a higher rank than him
| Batta the Beast chapter 48 . 6/8
People die when they are killed
| Batta the Beast chapter 47 . 6/8
Well then. I certainly didn't expect a swordfight.
| Batta the Beast chapter 46 . 6/8
Ahh Sir Renfield, what a nice man! been a pleasure to read this story and I do hope you complete it.
| Batta the Beast chapter 44 . 6/8
Very nice chapter and quotes!