|Reviews for In the Hawk's Shadow|
| narutofanficlov321 chapter 8 . 1/21
PLEASE UPDATE PLEASE ITS SOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD
| StolenPotato chapter 8 . 9/1/2016
I honestly liked where it was going. I also understand that leaving canon is also very hard to do in terms of how weird it is. I'm bothered when things go off canon without warning but I generally don't mind as long as it makes sense in a full plot. I admire you for sticking to it, I can't wait to see how this turns out! :D
| Skitty4 chapter 8 . 8/14/2016
I love your story.
But I do think you should try to write in Serena, Clemont and Bonnie into the story too. Since they ARE the current companions and the Kalos saga ends soon as well.
I'd love Ash show off Ash-Greninja in his battle with Hawk.
Thank you for the story.
(I think Ash is gonna win the league this time. I can't wait for the next Japanese episode. And after that the Flare Arc starts.)
| The Young Detective chapter 7 . 8/14/2016
I have just read the story till now and I commend your ability to retain proper grammar and pacing.
It is good to see an OC once in a while but I oppose a few things. The character is Mary Sue/Gary Stu. If you do not know those terms, search them on the internet. It is very important to know those while making any character. Take this as an honest opinion from somebody who has read hundreds of stories, especially some of the best.
First things first, you made this guy have a nickname. Why? No apparent reason. It also seems like he has more. That doesn't make much sense does it?
He is a cloaked man, has a hood and can walk without making any sound. Is this some combination of a Bruce Lee movie with a character from Assassin's Creed? That description makes him look most weird. You have watched the animé. Nobody, I mean nobody at all, dresses up like that. You could make it a bit more realistic. You made him too good.
Starhawk? Another nickname? He is an awesome trainer who swept all the opponents? He has won all League Tournaments and yet ASH doesn't know about him? That's simply put, impossible. Ash is the greatest fan of Pokemon battling in the whole story. He may be shown naive but even he would know about anyone that good. Also, someone suddenly appears without any records and nobody investigates? That's not logical at all. Anybody would try and find out about someone like that.
He understands Pokemon? That's tad too much. You already made him too good. Also he can use Aura? What else? He's also a psychic and has abilities to produce attacks like Pokemon?
The tipping point that forced me to write such a long review was when Blaziken used Mach Punch and Close Combat. It doesn't learn either move. Also, Scyther and Scizor don't learn Cross Poison.
While you are able to hold the story together with good writing skills, the character unfortunately is breaking it. Researching well before writing down Pokemon moves can also help. If you give some Pokemon some odd moves, it should be justified logically.
Please don't take it personally. I am saying all this to see improvements. I love reading good stories and would love if it gets better.
You can try and find some of the best stories in the Favorite section of my profile.
| skyblu23 chapter 7 . 8/6/2016
re-edit , follow your heart! ... mostly because I wanna see greninja and other Kalo's pokemon and Bonnie, Serena etc.
| pikachewy1 chapter 7 . 8/5/2016
So far I really enjoyed this story (also liked the adorable Pearlshipping nod, it's one of my favorite pairings). In regards to whether you should wait and rewrite the story to match canon or simply continue as is, the only advice I can give is to pick which option you enjoy the most. What I mean is that it won't matter which you choose if you aren't enjoying the story you're writing. While getting follows and reviews is always a nice feeling and a chance for good advice, personal enjoyment is a major motivator and if an author doesn't have their heart in it, the story will suffer, or just die off entirely. So for you, the question is whether you liked your original idea more or if your "pet peeve" about canon would hurt your motivation too much. As far as the romance, you need to decide which you like more: the pearlshipping you started with, the amourshipping that's apparently canon (I haven't seen most of XY so I can't say on this one) or either no pairing or an entirely different pairing. All that being said, I'd personally keep the story as is, maybe find an alternate way for Ash to get his Kalosian pokemon if you want to include them. After all, it's fanfiction, which is all about putting our own spin on existing media, canon is what the licensed material is for. That is just my personal opinion however, ultimately it's your decision, but like I said, whatever you choose just make sure you're having fun. Otherwise what's the point?
| Trainer Theta chapter 7 . 4/20/2015
Good chapter as always, friend!
As a whole, this was very well written. Couple spelling mistakes here and there but nothing bad enough to comment on. Just a couple typos is all. The general writing of this chapter, such as your use of descriptive writing as well as standard dialogue flowed perfectly to be honest, I was actually rather surprised; pleasantly so.
Though a couple things did bug me: firstly, while only being very minor, it was still there and it just seemed rather odd. This line:
"No, she's not." Said a strange voice. They all turned around, and were shocked to see Ash standing there, arms folded, watching the fight with slightly narrowed eyes.
Um, why was it a strange voice? It's Ash. They journeyed around the freaking world with Ash, I'm pretty sure they know his voice by now. And why were they so shocked to see him watching a battle that they've all been watching from the very beginning anyway? As I said, rather minor, but this line just seemed rather odd.
Secondly is not really a specific thing: despite Ebrethil suggesting heavily that it would be more akin to a contest style battle, since May was a coordinator, May rarely used any moves that would be fitting for a contest, such as combination moves. The moves that May used for the most part were just simple attack commands, lacking in originality. I liked how Ebrethil did that whole thing about flipping Venusaur over to render him useless. I also liked how Blaze used a fire move on his partner to protect him from the ice type moves. Those were the kinds of things I was expecting May to do throughout, but we very rarely saw any creativity from May. To be honest, this entire chapter made May seem like a complete novice, and not just because she's battling a freaking Pokémon god either; she just seemed utterly helpless.
But beside from that, as I said I thought it was really well written! You've definitely improved on your descriptive writing. Everything from the Pokémon to the moves themselves were described really well.
| Amalgam24 chapter 7 . 4/20/2015
Great to see your back with a new chapter, loved the battle. Keep up the good work.
| thor94 chapter 7 . 4/19/2015
ebrethil team is really full of pseudo legendaries and evolved pokemon.
and he can use aura too. your OC turning gary stu.
i don't see ash win with his team, except if a bunch of legendaries join his team and/or all of his pokemon evolve to their last stage and ash suddenly become a skilled aura guardian able to boost his pokemon aura and have them using badass amazing combo.
otherwise no chance ash could reallistic win again that OC OP team.
| great gospel chapter 4 . 7/6/2014
This has been a great and riveting story so far. Seeing Ash and all of his companions battle tournament-style alongside one another is simply a dream. And your battle descriptions are so vivid and keep the story moving. This Shadowhawk guy is an interesting character in himself. I can't wait to read more!
| Mieoak chapter 6 . 6/20/2013
Whoa I really hope Ash will win against Ebrethil, seriously, if not it would be heart crushing for everyone! O.o
| Diamante8 chapter 6 . 6/7/2013
This is such a great story with some amazing ideas! Please continue writing!
| HP-DG-SB-NR-RG-PN chapter 6 . 6/4/2013
Well, this looks interesting enough I guess. I'm hoping that Ash and Dawn aren't paired together but it's starting to look that way. Not good at all. Ebrethil is an ass, I don't like him at all. If you had Oak round up all of Ash's pokemon, then where's his Charizard and his Pidgeot? What about Primeape? Or Haunter? Lapras? I'm hoping to see them all again. Well, I'll stop here for now and see where you decide to go with this... Again, I'm really hoping that I'm not seeing traces of Ash/Dawn here. I hope that you'll update again soon.
| Pach31 chapter 6 . 6/3/2013
I would just like to say Great Job! I like where you are going with this story and how you got all of Ash's friends to meet each other. I have a slight suspicion about aura and one of Ash's closest friends, I won't tell anymore of my suspicions in case I'm right about it. If you haven't given any of Ash's friends the power to do so, it would be really cool to add to the plot of the story. Keep up the great work!
| Guest chapter 6 . 6/2/2013
Hawk should die