|Reviews for Federation|
| FORD B chapter 4 . 3/13/2015
Hope to see more of this to come!
| Phil Black chapter 2 . 12/13/2014
The chapters are a bit short for my tastes, but that's very personal and a lot of people don't agree with me their. I see the reason for it, so take it as a neutral advice. Maybe ad in just a tad more story per chapter.
You've got most of the dialogue down, but in some places the cahracters feel ... a tad rushed. I'd advise on going back again and adding in some details, break up the dialogue with action tags, just slightly, not much.
Also, try to show instead of telling. Your text impact a lot stronger if you describe feelings, visuals, sensations instead of just telling it. I've been subject to that mistake myself and let me tell you. Showing is a lot stronger. THis would also work out the problem that I haven't watched voyager for like forever. I need more details about the characters.
But overall you have a nice pacing and good pull going on. So good work.
| napsterman23 chapter 4 . 5/17/2014
i want to see this story continue for the eezo deuterium maybe the federation redatcts the info so people dont have to remeber the reaper war
| Someone chapter 4 . 12/21/2013
I think it is alright...
| kaemsi chapter 4 . 11/16/2013
Look, I think I can sorta see where this story is going in terms of the Voyager having gone into the past to the time of the Normandy. So making eezo deuterium in my mind isn't an issue. Deuterium does exist (as a di-hydrogen molecule) but as a writer I personally believe you have writer's license here.
Or maybe that's because I want to see how this story goes :) I made a few predictions and I'd like to know if they were right or wrong. And I just like the idea so far :)
Sorry if this is late, I only started reading your story now, and got to this review request now. And I think a time difference may play into it (I'm in GMT 2)
Hope you decide to continue! :D
| KeiraShep chapter 4 . 11/11/2013
Please keep it going! Your prose is one of the best on FanFiction - a pleasure to read, not to mention that you're a Shenko fan :). And now your're mixing my favourite Star Trek with my favourite game...
I totally agree - making a big deal about a fictional (hello!) element is way too picky and spoils the fun. If Janeway suddenly turned out to be Ferengi, well, that would have been a different discussion. Just please don't let the fear of all the Directives impede the interactions between both crews - I want to see Joker reaction to Seven (and maybe she can fix EDI?).
So yes, for me, eezo deuterium.
| Talon5Krrde chapter 4 . 11/9/2013
No, they are not the same.
Element 0 is like a catalyst. You don't go through it.
Deuterium is a fuel. Besides, it is the bases for a different technology base. That is a nice plot element...
| Multi Burst chapter 4 . 11/9/2013
I dont mind really, I just would like this story to be completed.
| finalsliver chapter 4 . 11/8/2013
If you wish to retain Lore then Eezo and Deuterium don't really equate well; one is very easily manufactured while the other is a native ore to various planets.
However, if you wish to alter or ignore these pieces of lore then by all means continue; your story, your limits.
What I find to be the biggest conundrum is the 'link' between universes. If you choose to represent Star trek as occurring long after ME then you will need to do some massive lore culling.
The result of which may lead to plot holes and lack of clarity in the story.
So basically if you wish to continue you may want to keep a story plan handy so you can better fill in the plot holes.
Goodluck regardless of which path you take!
| Amberion chapter 4 . 11/8/2013
It depends on what you mean by insurmountable, I guess. If you're dedicated to the idea that Voyager has resources that can easily fabricate Eezo, then you don't need DeuteriumEezo to do it. It's hard to say what your angle for the story is without spoilers. I would suggest something like: after scanning eezo, they determine that their replicators can easily fabricate the substance, with a few modifications, since replicator tech is 'cornucopia technology' by the standards of the ME universe, and is borderline magical how they can make virtually anything out of pure energy.
Don't let this discourage you from writing, as they say, there's more than one way to skin a cat. :)
| korrd chapter 4 . 11/8/2013
Yes it is. Deuterium actually exists, and has actual uses. Eezo is fictitious to the extreme. That's just the tip of the iceberg too, as in canon Deuterium is found literally everywhere to the point they started putting collectors on starships just to be able to collect it while in space. Eezo on the otherhand is so rare in ME that it costs a ton just make a single ship. If anything, you should replace your standing on deuterium with dylithium. Or even trilythium, as those two substances don't actually exist, and allow for a better transition.
| eXa12 chapter 4 . 11/8/2013
its a MAJOR scientific flaw, but easy to fix
one theory behind Voyagers canon perpetual shortage of it is that the show is slightly censored in universe, so most of the time when the say deuterium they actually mean some rare material the ship needs and the censoring changes it to something every ship needs
Just Italicise it every time you use it and treat is as a continuation of the censoring
| Chris1701ab chapter 4 . 11/8/2013
Places continue the storie. It's good.
| Amberion chapter 2 . 10/31/2013
"Well, it looks as if element zero has the same molecular configuration as deuterium. Amazing! I wonder how the name got changed? Also, the major…Major Alenko has deuter-I mean, eezo in his body. What does that mean?"
Deuterium is a form of heavy hydrogen and is one of two forms of stable hydrogen and can be found in natural abundance in Earth's oceans. Element zero is a fictitious element(not necessarily in molecular form) that has zero mass. Not much else is known about the composition of element zero except that it emits dark energy fields when subjected to electricity, and that it only naturally occurs in and around the remains of solar systems that have had their stars go supernova.
| Multi Burst chapter 3 . 10/30/2013
lol yay a chapter :D
Great story so far :)