|Reviews for Forward|
| BlackLioness chapter 1 . 6/29/2014
This story is simply wonderful, I enjoyed reading it immensely! Thank you very much for sharing!
| celine fraser chapter 1 . 6/28/2014
This is absolutely beautiful! I LOVED every word of it! Thank you so much for writing and sharing it! I especially loved your descriptions of the ship and of the interactions between David and Elizabeth - so real, so believable and so deep.
| MorbidEmoBarbie chapter 1 . 2/16/2014
I really enjoy this story. It's very believable and very in-character for both Elizabeth and David. There are not enough fics like this, so it was really wonderful to find this.
| Go0se chapter 1 . 12/4/2013
I appreciate this. I haven't thought of 'Prometheus' in a while since I saw it, but I love logical continuation stories, and you put this together beautifully. I especially like the bits of Elizabeth's childhood and how it always looped back to her current problems. And David was just creepy enough. Well done.
| Judy Li chapter 1 . 8/28/2013
Really Good! I can really picture them two together in my head. Wonderful
| puddingcup chapter 1 . 7/15/2013
This is absolutely fantastic! Well thought out and extremely well-written! So beautiful!
| reneemm chapter 1 . 6/23/2013
this was wonderful, beautifully written and very much enjoyed
| Conflicting.Opposite.Minds chapter 1 . 6/21/2013
This is glorious. The characters are remarkably in character, and the story is very believable. In fact, I'm like 99% sure this is actually what happened. I'm also really thankful you resisted the urge to make them into a couple.
Anyway, I wish I had more to say, but it would be shameless gushing so, thank you for uploading this! It's going straight to my favorites.
| EmpireX chapter 1 . 6/21/2013
I sincerely hope that you will continue this. You've got wonderful characterization here.
| Elliesmeow chapter 1 . 6/3/2013
Very interesting. Glad you didn't just flip a switch and have Shaw trusting him again. And I liked that David was afraid to be alone, though I think he likes her too and that contributes to his unwillingness to hurt her deliberately.
Thanks for posting.:)
| niniya chapter 1 . 6/3/2013
| Double Dog chapter 1 . 5/22/2013
Just wanted to say this is terrific, an excellent read, and that I really hope to see more Prometheus fic from you because I would read it in a heartbeat. Great job. :)
| freakgirlXD chapter 1 . 5/19/2013
I literally just watched the movie for the first time and then read your story, and it was PERFECT. It was like the movie just continued, it was wonderful :)
| Maiafay chapter 1 . 5/16/2013
"Trite, meandering, and a little pointless" is what one anon reviewer stated, and strangely enough, it made me read. I don't agree with everything in that review, but there are trouble spots I'll discuss later.
First the good.
Your presentation is well done - meaning I can concentrate on plot and characters without being distracted by bad punctuation or weird sentences. You may have one or two in there (who doesn't?) but overall, your execution of the material is well above average.
I really like how Elizabeth let David look at the stars. It fit her character, and the impression I got of her toward the end of the film: that she didn't despise David. But she doesn't trust him either, and you conveyed that aptly enough through her actions and initial reluctance to follow his instructions.
The comparisons of David's body awaiting vultures, and bloodless crime scene stood out to me, and again, seemed in character for Shaw. You filter vocabulary and details through her POV, which shows me you're in control of the narrative. One of my biggest peeves is author intrusion, but I found none of that here :) Some of the word choices I raised my eyebrow at (as the simplest word is usually better), but I found the POV solid and believable.
There are some nods in Shaw's narrative to the robot/android exploration, their morality and how they might perceive humans and the world. And while it's evident in the film, it's nice to know Elizabeth finally realized that David had been truly afraid the Engineer migh have killed her. It would be horrifying to spend eternity (or when his battery ran out) as a head on the floor, collecting dust. It makes me wish Ridley had spliced the deleted Paradise scene with the actual ending - if only to include that moment when David's listening to Elizabeth crying. His expression seemed full of remorse to me, maybe legitimately sorry for the pain he had caused. It gave me hope (after some questionable comments by Ridley himself concerning David during the fim) that David chance David might find redemption.
However, no one seems brave enough to have David acknowledge his "dislike" of Charlie. It was obvious in the film every time those two engaged in conversation. Weyland may have ordered the experiment, but I feel David sought Charlie out based on negative experience. While this isn't what fans what to hear, or what Elizabeth wants to hear - it's realistic, and proves that David was acting on a very human impulse. It's the negative emotions that are strongest sometimes, and for a "being" just learning emotions, or experiencing them - I feel David acted as a child would: you hurt me, so I hurt you back.
Anyway, the one comment about this plotline meandering...I will agree to an extent. I see one-shots as short stories. Which means they should have a hook, main conflict/goal and resolution.
I believe the resolution here got waylaid a bit. Granted, Elizabeth accomplished her goal: get to the ship, repair David, get medical help and rest - however, the longterm goal is incomplete. She hasn't met her makers and there's still a question of the journey. This is why I would suggest to expand this into a multichapter story, or tidy the plotline a bit with a solid problem and concrete resolution. You spend a great deal of time on the moon's surface, having Elizabeth philosophizing and trudging along with David in tow. But nothing...really happens. I mean, David is repaired, and Shaw rests, but nothing else. No real resolution.
The only reason I'm bothering with these suggestions is because I feel your writing is above average, and you seem to take pride in presentation. And of course, disregard any advice that doesn't help you. All because I tell you something doesn't make it law. It's your story. It's your choice.
The melodrama, yes, is present in the beginning. You do taper off with the gloom and doom later, but I think reiterating Elizabeth's injuries (that fans are well aware of already), on top of emphasizing the damage to her soul, and the "barest, raw scrapings of her very edges" could make certain readers roll their eyes. I didn't roll mine, but the language did distract.
You could trim a few details and limit your adjectives/adverbs to balance your prose. It's not the "Telling" of the gory details that wins sympathy, it's the "Showing". It's Elizabeth stumbling, trudging along, gasping for breath, trying to keep from crying. Introspection doesn't make your readers relate, and in most crits, I always suggest to limit introspection. It slows your pace and falls easily into the "Telling" trap. Don't "tell" me the character's feelings. Show me. Show thoughts in dialogue, or actions. And think "do I want many of my readers to skim?" when you're tempted to throw in some angst for angst sake. Many will, and to be honest, when Elizabeth's inner monologue started (at the beginning), I skipped it.
An example: In truth, she is in so much pain she doesn't have the words for it. She has never been hurt this badly before in her life. Her hands shake, her legs tremble, her stomach is a pit of fire that burns as fiercely as Charlie's body in her memories. She feels as if she has been beaten down to nothing but bruises, inside and out.
Try: In truth, she is in so much pain she doesn't have the words for it. Her hands shake, her legs tremble, her stomach is a pit of fire that burns as fiercely as Charlie's body in her memories.
And leave it as that (though, that first sentence could be tweaked for brevity/telling). You lose nothing from cutting that introspection. Less is more.
And here: Alone with a broken android on an alien world, injured and suffering, with Charlie dead and the whole crew dead, and every inhuman thing trying to kill her either directly or indirectly. It is the stuff of nightmares.
Reader knows this well enough. They have just spent the first quarter of the story reading it. Try not to beat your reader over the head with the obvious.
Note: Some introspection is OKAY. I want to stress that. Don't eliminate all of it, but be aware of it, and ask yourself is there's a better way to get large chunks of internal monologue across without Telling.
Some dialogue needs to be appended with the above, or below paragraphs.
Example: He blinks at her.
"I do apologize for the inconvenience."
Should be: He blinks at her. "I do apologize for the inconvenience."
David hesitates, for a moment. She honestly cannot tell if it is wholly an affectation on his part, or if he is genuinely uncertain.
"Once we reach the ship, we should be able to obtain some tools sufficient to the task of repairing me. There was such equipment available on the other vessel, though it didn't seem… appropriate, to suggest a full repair at the time."
Should be: David hesitates, for a moment. She honestly cannot tell if it is wholly an affectation on his part, or if he is genuinely uncertain. "Once we reach the ship, we should be able to obtain some tools sufficient to the task of repairing me. There was such equipment available on the other vessel, though it didn't seem… appropriate, to suggest a full repair at the time.
I do find Elizabeth dragging David's body all that way a little implausible. In the movie, she used the ATV she found tossed on its side from the Prometheus wreckage. And even if that scene hadn't been in the movie, I feel she still would have tried finding a vehicle before hauling David's dead weight with tethers. My opinion, of course.
This is a little pick, but some word choices seemed...off. Wherewithal? It usually is used to describe necessary by financial means. There were a few other words I raised my eyebrow at, and my advice is to use the best word that fits and not the fanciest. I struggle with this myself, but the smaller word is usually the better choice.
...wow, this review is huge. But, your story did resonate with me. I do like it very much even if there isn't a tidy resolution to the conflict. I think I might have faved it already, but in case I haven't I certainly will after I post this. Thanks for a pleasant diversion and a glimpse of what could have been for David and Elizabeth.
Good luck :)
| Frolicking and Fabulosity chapter 1 . 5/16/2013
Gah, this fic is perfection!