|Reviews for Don't Leave Me|
| Saknussem chapter 11 . 2/5/2014
First let me say that I like your story line a great deal, being more than a little bit of the romantic myself. Your characters are well-spoken and your plot lines are clear.
Second, you need a copy editor. Your grammar is weak in places, and you need to consider how people really speak. Is English your first language? I don't mean to insult or be disrespectful, but your story reads as though you were translating it from another language, which is cool, and, in general, you did a pretty respectable job. Your dialogue needs some work, too. Sometimes your characters speak very naturally, but sometimes they're so formal I think they should be in a courtroom or on a stage. The other element I think you could do more with is your description of place. I LOVE your combat scenes, and the erotic scenes are also good. BOTH, though, could do with more description. Describe the place, the setting, the clothing, the weather, the weapons, or, in the case of your erotic scenes, what Liara is doing with her hands or her mouth or her head crests - are they sexy for her? Are her nipples hard? What color are they? What happens when they "embrace eternity"? See? There is a LOT more that you could use to set the scene.
Please don't take what I've been saying the wrong way. I LIKE your story, and I think it has HUGE potential, but it's short. You rush us through things to get where you want us to be. Relax. LOL. Take your time! Remember, the journey is at least half the fun!
Be well! Keep writing!
| Madgormley chapter 11 . 8/25/2013
Another Excellent story from start to finish
| NonOmnisMoriar chapter 11 . 5/14/2013
Thank you for writing and posting this story.
It was a pleasure to read and I can't wait to read more of your stories!
| MG4LIFE chapter 11 . 5/10/2013
I'm gonna miss this story :(
| Veyron722skyhook chapter 11 . 5/10/2013
That was simply brilliant.
Nearly shed a happy tear my self there for a minute. ;)
| NonOmnisMoriar chapter 10 . 5/10/2013
Areia is a great character. She is such a sweet and lovely girl.
Though this chapter was indeed short, it was still a great read.
And now... ...THE WEDDING!
Thanks for another great update.
| NonOmnisMoriar chapter 9 . 5/7/2013
Nah! No apologies are necessary. You delivered a great ending to their emotional turmoil and that's worth far more than a quick update.
And now...THE WEDDING! I can't wait to read how you're going to tackle that one.
By the way, I've played DragonAge 2 several times now and I Always choose Merill as my love interest. Isabella is a bit too...ehhh...let's say 'wordly' for me. While Merill is just so incredibly sweet and awkward. Her comments throughout the game are often hilarious.
Thank you my friend, for another amazing chapter.
| Guest chapter 8 . 5/5/2013
Omg! I want more so bad! I've been reading this since yesterday I fell asleep with it I never want it to end! If you would I would love to get to speak with you. If you play on xbox my name is comedicsteeler or funkpoppakewl. If you have ps3 my name is MG4_LIFE
| Veyron722skyhook chapter 9 . 5/7/2013
No apology necessary. :)
Long as we know they're still together, that's good enough for me. ;)
| MG4LIFE chapter 8 . 5/5/2013
I made an account today just so I can make sure I don't miss a thing! :) im so happy to find your writing. plz add me on ps3 MG4_LIFE. I would love to play mass effect with you!
| NonOmnisMoriar chapter 8 . 5/5/2013
Wow! I didn't see that twist coming. Normally I really don't like too much angst and drama, but I trust you so I'm curious to see how you will resolve this situation between Liara and Shepard.
Thanks for adding the scene where that would be rapist got shot in the family jewels.
I admit though that I'm more than a bit surprised by the severity of Liara's reaction to Shepard's actions. I mean when she was an information broker on Illium, she once threatened to flay someone alive with her biotics!
| Doombringer86 chapter 8 . 5/4/2013
Holy...didn't see that coming...
Nows that's a plot twist
| Veyron722skyhook chapter 8 . 5/4/2013
Here's hoping it all turns out okay.
Would hate for it to turn into a depressing ending. Got enough of that with ME3's ending. (Thank god for the happy ending mod)
| Veyron722skyhook chapter 7 . 5/4/2013
I'm tempted to say that this puts my story to shame because yours is so good. :)
Keep up the good work! Especially looking forward to seeing the actual wedding.
| NonOmnisMoriar chapter 7 . 5/2/2013
Again a very good chapter. I wouldn't have minded if Shepard had just shot all these would be rapists in the balls!
One thing though, you wrote somewhere early in this chapter that Liara's smile turned his heart to stone. But having a heart of stone actually means that someone is cold and uncaring . Someone who is simply incapable of showing any feeling! That's obviously not what you meant there. Perhaps you could write something like "turned his heart to mush" or "her smile never failed to capture his heart".
Don't get me wrong! I still liked this chapter a lot, I just wanted to point this out to you so you can change it.