|Reviews for Off by a Single Degree: Part I|
| NorahB chapter 10 . 8/1
I'm only halfway through this, but I have to say how much I love this. I like the concept - change one tiny detail and have the cards fall in very different places. The changes all make sense. It's interesting to see Damon with his human turned on from the beginning, well on to some extent. It's interesting to see Stefan not treated automatically as the "good brother." It's interesting to see Elena find out about vampires because she tries to save Damon, and told about them by her parents. And to see her entering it this crazy supernatural stuff with more logic and reason - when she accepted Stefan's vampirism so quickly on the show, it was because she was grieving, and desperate for something that would give her life purpose. It wasn't well thought out. Your Elena just approaches this from a totally different perspective, and it's refreshing.
You're gotten all the voices on pitch.
But what I love most - Grayson and Miranda Gilbert. I've wondered what Elena's family was like before the accident, but haven't been able to picture it. I can totally picture your version. So I feel like you've created two fully fleshed out original characters, even though they were named on the show.
Well done. Can't wait to finish this and move on to the sequel :)
| deepwater1978 chapter 19 . 7/15
This is a great story! Well done!
| AlwaysElisabethian chapter 3 . 7/13
Poor Damon. He seems SO innocent in this and I'm loving it. All he wants is Katherine. You've made him look far less sinister than he did in S1, which of course doesn't give him the chance to change like he did in TVD, but I also think that's the whole reason why he can become friends with Grayson later on. He doesn't seem as revengeful.
I love the way he takes care of Elena and helps her through her heartbreak. I loved the references to him being a vampire. The double meaning is hilarious.
And the relationship with Edgar has finally begun! Yay! Who needs cats and dogs, when you have a raven, hey?
I love how Grayson would basically do anything to keep his family safe. He knows all about Damon, how ruthless and dangerous he can be, and yet, he's still gonna go after him, for the sake of Elena. Oh, if only he knew!
| AlwaysElisabethian chapter 2 . 7/9
Dam dam dam dammmmmm !
I love the introduction part where they find out she's been hanging out with Damon. I wish they didn't jump to conclusions, though!
I don't know why, but I always thought that Vicki was Matt's little sister. I always thought she was younger than him. I'm probably wrong ( since I know you do your research) but that's just the way I thought it was.
I loved Delena's playful banter and God I wish they had kissed, but Damon was being sooo sweet. I just wanna push them together, lol. It had been a very different story if they had ended up having sex on the couch.
I hate season 1 Caroline. She's the most annoying and obnoxious person, and then she turns into this amazing person. I can't wait to read through that transition again.
| AlwaysElisabethian chapter 1 . 7/9
I loved loved loooooved the very relateable "probably gonna find 200 pictures of my pockets" thing. Honestly, who hasn't tried that?
I love how Damon totally gives her chances, only because she looks like Elena and I love their playful banter. I do wish I'd actually read Pride and Prejudice (it's on my shelf, but I haven't gotten around to it yet), but I can sort of get it anyway.
I already told you I was hoping Miranda and Grayson would get killed off soon, when I read this the first time, but knowing what's in store, I'm so glad they're still alive.
Jenna's life is about to get a whoooole lot more complicated!
| Guest chapter 14 . 7/7
IceQueenSnowDragon! Lol! :)
| Guest chapter 14 . 7/7
Elena's struggle about whether to admit she was with Damon reminds me of Dirty Dancing, when Baby has to tell that she was with Johnny all night! I love it!
| Guest chapter 10 . 7/7
Ok, I live near Dunham Lake!
| creativebug1988 chapter 19 . 7/2
I really enjoyed this story. I've always wondered how things would be different if Damon didn't compel Elena to forget their first meeting. I love the slow burn, although it can be frustrating at times. I actually got teary-eyed at the end because Damon ended up compelling her anyways. I really don't like Tyler's father, and I feel bad for Tyler. I'm hoping the second part will be just as good.
| xWinterDreams chapter 4 . 6/27
It's getting very exciting... Looks like Stefan might be coming back to town. And I hope Elena will find out the truth about Vampires soon.
| xWinterDreams chapter 3 . 6/24
I'm really enjoying this story, it's well written, and it's cool seeing how different things potentially could have been. And Miranda and Grayson still being alive really does change things.
| xWinterDreams chapter 1 . 6/23
This is so good! I've always loved this premise, and after reading chapter 1 I'm really interested to see where you've gone with it.
| Guest chapter 7 . 6/18
They were turned in 1864 not 1865
| Hoegh chapter 20 . 5/17
hey there, great story so far love your writing style and the plot in general. keep up the good work because you are very talented!
| Eekhoorntjes chapter 2 . 4/7
Anonymously the rest of it, since you can only review once per chapter... Sorry for the cut off! .
“They were still standing very close to each other. Their eyes met, and the grin faded off Elena's face. After a couple of seconds, her gaze was drawn to his lips, which were still twisted in that smirk. If she just leaned a little closer, she'd be able to kiss him.” Chemistry! Or, how do I say it… If she and Matt have been dating a while, they surely got closer physically (I’m talking little things) and now that’s gone. Again from 100 to 0. And now there’s someone in front of her, quite close, who is physical by nature and just had an arm around her shoulder. I’m saying, I understand why she’s drawn to the person in front of her…
Then, they eat, make small talk about pickles and rings, don’t quite tease, otherwise a mention of ring would have flooded the gates op to Vegas again… Then the teasing picks up upon Jeremy’s return. xP Poor Jer.
“but he withdrew to a more respectable distance anyway.” Oh man, this friendship crashed through slow starts probably because of the turmoil of Elena’s emotions right now and Damon’s ease of getting close to someone. Or something like that. He shouldn’t have come any later in her life, though, ‘cause she wouldn’t have opened up so easily to him if her emotions were more than just confusing.
“Feeling slightly guilty for harassing him so much in the kitchen, Elena made her movie selection partly for his benefit.” That’s A sibling relationship shown in the details. I’m sooo here for this.
“Instead of taking the unoccupied love seat, he shot Jeremy a wicked grin.” Cocky bastard. He loves getting on people’s nerves (except for very close friends, unless he screws it up).
"Death cannot stop true love; all it can do is delay it for a while," there was something about the set of Damon's jaw that made Elena sure he was thinking about Katherine,” nice foreshadowing, and since Elena knows some heartbreak herself, she can notice that. Especially with what she knows about his feelings for Katherine. And this mention certainly gives the promise of not glossing over Damon’s strong feelings for Katherine.
“She suddenly felt like the most awful, selfish person in the world. What right did she have to be miserable?” Don’t crop up your feelings, don’t continue comparing your bad experiences to someone else’s. That, and he has the pro* of turning off his emotions, a ‘luxury’ Elena doesn’t have. Your emotions are allowed to exist!
*turning off emotions is probably not a pro, even though emotionless vampire says otherwise
"What do you say, wanna be my demonstration buddy?" Walked right into that trap, Jeremy. Now they’re back to teasing while the credits aren’t even done rolling. Aaaaand he’s left the room. Even sibling relations have a limit…
And then there’s no phone to hide behind, no food to offer a way out of the tension, and the build-up has been way too strong. Thank heavens that Damon has the restraint to stay her friend instead of short-lived fling.
“His posture was rigid at first, but quickly relaxed, and his grip on her tightened.” I probably need a bit more time to think about what’s going through Damon’s head—she’s having her emotional breakdown in his presence, turns to him for friendly comfort is… Unexpected because he has just turned her down and she isn’t shying away from him in embarrassment? Unexpected and unfamiliar because who knows how long ago it was that someone (somewhat) important to him sought comfort from him? I guess both and something that’s on the tip of my tongue. At least he knows that a proper hug needs a firm grip. .
"Wait," said Elena. "I'll introduce you.” Yeah, no need to stick to the safe side for Damon. Surely only Zach knows of his being a vampire… Where’s the harm.
"Have you been making my daughter cry, young man?" he said, his expression stern and a hint of a threat in his tone.” You WISH that was your biggest worry regarding this ‘young’ man. :p
*drum roll for the counting*
Short action: ~55 (ranging from ‘said Elena, smiling,’ to ‘said Damon, also getting to his feet.’ So like one action)
Big action: ~33 (‘came Jeremy's muffled response from upstairs, which made Damon smirk and Elena giggle in spite of herself.’ Like, long or multiple actions described.)
No action: ~46 (‘said Elena.’ So I didn’t count actions separated with a period, just actions [or lack of actions] tagged after a comma.)
A total of ~134 dialogue tags, with the preference of keeping them on the short side. When you separate multiple parts of dialogue, you prefer to do it with dialogue tags action instead of only action. 7 times you interjected with only actions. In the first scene, I already come at 11, so… you at least mostly use dialogue tags to ensure it’s not only monologues. :p Big actions are often reserved for their own sentences instead of being included after the tags. Which obviously makes sense. Don’t want run-on sentences.
Note: A lot of the texting stands on its own without dialogue tags and without describing any actions Elena does when the conversation picked up. It makes sense since the body language can’t make it clear to whom you’re texting, and so… only when it’s a really important text (where Elena has to ponder over) should the describing of Elena’s (or anyone’s) actions come into play.
Other note: Caroline takes the throne of ‘saying’ exclamations and questions, or at least in the beginning of her lines. Which is how it feels in the show actually. xD Caroline doesn’t yell, or shriek, she just. says them like she would say other sentences. Or maybe Caroline speaks in mostly questions and exclamations with her exuberant nature…
I think I caught an error: ‘He look over at Elena and waggled his eyebrows.’ I guess ‘ed’ escaped the document.