|Reviews for Bedtime Stories|
| EagleWings21 chapter 1 . 9/5/2019
Please please write more to this. I’m literally begging you. Lol.
| Martin III chapter 1 . 6/25/2018
Now this is one of those fanfics which makes me think, "Oh, geez... How can I top this?" The story is an emotional gut-punch, and the writing is excellent, not just by the lower standards of fan fiction, but in the big picture. I sincerely hope that when you referred to this as your only fan fiction, you didn't also mean your only fiction period.
Picking up the continuity from Beatle Bomb's "Uniforms" is a nice touch, and this is much less of a mixed bag than that fic. For the most obvious comparison, Eiji and Sayomi are much more developed and interesting here. They feel like more than a blend of their parents' personalities and some generic kid mannerisms, and have their own particular interactions with their different family members. Seriously, it makes me wish I'd read this years ago; I could have used it for pointers with writing my own fan fiction teen-romance-turned-married-couple-with-kids, Deanna and Natasha, in "Ten Years Later" and "Shining Cloud". (I am proud of much of what I did with that, especially since I was ambitious enough to give them nine children, but I always felt there was room for improvement.)
The one problem "Bedtime Stories" inherits from "Uniforms" is the failure to address Haruhi's powers, the people observing Haruhi, and whether all that was resolved, though you do at least acknowledge that her powers exist in the flashbacks. The fact that Kyon and Haruhi now have kids would be expected to make those issues much more of a problem (imagine having to worry every time your wife gets aggravated with the kids that you might wake up childless the next morning).
While on the subject of potential negatives, I advise against using all-capitals and underlining to place emphasis. All-capitals should be reserved for yelling and underlining should pretty much only be used when recreating text from the fictional world. "She had said yes" stands out by virtue of the statement itself and its placement in its own paragraph; underlining it is unnecessary and distracts the reader with the format when they should be thinking about what is being said.
I like how you throw in the interruptions. The first one is particularly great, because I had the exact same question on my mind as Sayomi did. But Haruhi's "I like this part of the story" is delightfully cute, funny, and sweet as well. The interruptions provide a natural way of switching back and forth between past and present, which is a key ingredient for several reasons. Among them, the fact that Kyon has a family with Haruhi in the present emphasizes just what the stakes are in the scenes from the past.
Kyon having mental issues during high school is one of those shocking ideas which actually fits. There are a number of ways one can interpret Kyon's attitude in the source material, but whichever way you look at it, it doesn't make sense that he'd go along with the SOS Brigade idea, much less stick with them for so long, if he were both as genuinely disinterested in Haruhi and as adverse to the club's activities as he affected to be. Either one could be true, but not both. So either way, it makes sense that he's at least a little emotionally repressed.
And hoo boy, Koizumi's speech is something. It tackles a sticking point in the source material, which is that it can be seen as an unhealthy male fantasy. Kyon is "chosen" by Haruhi, beloved by Mikuru who can't date him because she's from the future, and protected by Yuki, which adds up to three relationships with attractive young women and no need for Kyon to put effort or commitment into any of them. The source material succeeds at being much more than a male fantasy, and probably isn't male fantasy at all by design: Haruhi choosing Kyon is vital to the plot and characters, since it provides Haruhi's one link to the real world and one honest relationship with another human being. Nonetheless, it's easy to perceive it that way, so your rejecting the notion that Haruhi can't possibly lose interest in Kyon, that she is in effect his to take or leave for as long as he likes, is an important one. It's also not just commentary; it fits Kyon's character that he would be resistant to facing the inevitable change in the status quo, it fits Koizumi's character that he would try to break that resistance, and the scene is an emotional one.
The confrontation with the first-year is terrifically tense. It's funny, because despite what Kyon thinks, I suspect Haruhi would have turned him down. She implied that she gave up dating before she came to North High, and there's no reason why she wouldn't still be carrying the torch for Kyon at this point. And of course, the reader already knows the outcome. Despite this, I really felt this scene from past Kyon's perspective, seeing his chances with Haruhi seemingly hanging by a fraying thread. It's satisfying, too, to see Kyon finally take action, even action which must have been extremely humiliating to Haruhi (though she probably subconsciously enjoyed it too).
That tension continues into the scene where he finally asks her out. I like how he forces himself to be direct, but then has to backtrack and tone things down for fear of scaring her off with his emotional intensity. Also, "I don't need to go on a date with you to figure out if I hate you or not." is a perfect, characteristically Haruhi confession of love. Nicely done.
And through it all, you have very naturalistic dialogue and great wit. Again, I sincerely hope you're still writing stuff.
The line "But, as we all know... I was an idiot back then." makes a terrific summary statement for the story. It is a little unfair; like the story as a whole, it presents the matter of Kyon and Haruhi's stagnating high school relationship as strictly a problem for Kyon to solve, when the source material makes clear that Haruhi had even bigger issues than him. While he merely failed to make a move, she actively pushed him away by being irritable, insensitive, and distant, and generally treating him the same as she treated everyone else, like dirt beneath her heel. But the unfairness is on Kyon's part, not the author's. From his perspective, looking through the rose-tinted glasses of love, compounded with the lenses of nostalgia, everything Haruhi did in high school was right and beautiful. Which is perhaps where this story gets much of its charm.
I second Tsu Zu Mia's recommendation that you complete this as a one-shot. The first date would be an anticlimax, and is a part of Kyon and Haruhi's story that is best left to the reader's imagination anyway.
| Crepscularity chapter 1 . 9/13/2014
Well, its been a long time since you've updated. Fret not, someone's still reading your works! Do hope that this will be updated 'relatively' soon. Really enjoyed the premise, and looking forward to Kyon's antics!
| n00dl3gal chapter 1 . 9/3/2014
Oh my gosh this is amazing you need to finish it! I love this!
| Tsu Zu Mia chapter 1 . 4/28/2014
I, for one, am not disappointed that you chose to abandon this story. And not because it's not good. Rereading it a year later, I now think it's perfect as a one shot. Adding chapters would only weaken it. In fact, I think you should edit the parts that allude to a first date chapter and polish it off as a one shot.
The scene where Kyon picks on Haruhi's suitor is classic. And his confession to Haruhi is great as well.
Though I'm not disappointed that you abandoned the story, I am disappointed that you haven't written any more HS stories. Of course story writing takes time and inspiration. Hope you find both of those things in the future!
| Hikari chapter 1 . 1/20/2014
Wow. As far as I see the whole story flows nicely and the characters where very much in character. I find Kyon and Haruhi's kids funny. I've never read someone making this type of story with them and putting it together so well! (I've seen one once or twice but not as good as this one.) Keep up the great writing! But please please put up the second chapter!
| Anony84 chapter 1 . 1/10/2014
Why hadn't I already read this? I'm KyonxHaruhi 100%, and this now one of my favorite TMoHS fanfics. Any situation with Kyon and Haruhi actually admitting that there's something there and proceeding with a date/romantic involvement/etc is pretty tough, since Mr. Tanigawa goes to such great lengths to avoid being straightforward about it, but I feel like you really nailed that interaction between them.
And do I detect a nod to Meet the Suzumiyas? Nice.
My main complaint is that we don't get to hear the story of their first date. D: NEED MOAR.
| MC-kun chapter 1 . 11/19/2013
This is amazing! I really want to know what they did on their first date though! I would prefer to see more of Nagato and what she thought about all of this but that didn't derail from the experience.
| Galaxy1001D chapter 1 . 9/1/2013
This fan fiction took me by surprise until I realized that in cannon Haruhi, Kyon is an unreliable narrator. Nobody can lie to himself (and us) the way Kyon can. Considering what I know of the Haruhi universe this story seems the most likely way it ends.
| smogbike chapter 1 . 8/29/2013
I'm really glad you posted your "shameless self-promotion" at the board ... I guess I've become complacent in keeping track of new Haruhi fanfics.
Anyway ... "Bedtime Stories" was a lot of fun ... I thought you managed to pay respect to Tanagawa's style of writing, while at the same time updating Kyon's and Haruhi's "voices" in a very credible and/or believable style.
I find that Haruhi fanfics are, on average, both smarter and better-written than fanfics in other categories; I am delighted to say that THIS story stands above-average, even among Haruhi fics.
I very much hope you will continue the "Bedtime Stories."
Yr friend in the aether,
P.S., if you like Star Trek 2009 fanfics, check out my wife's first fic (ongoing) ... search here for author WolfLibre.
| smogbike chapter 1 . 8/29/2013
Please forgive double posting.
I'm really glad you posted that "shameless self promotion" at ...
VERY enjoyable story ... you did a good job of emulating Tanigawa's style, and the "voices" of Kyon and Haruhi felt "just right" for this situation ... if K and H are to avoid murdering each other, they both would have to "grow up" and "grow into" the quietly passionate love that you portrayed here.
I eagerly await more bedtime stories.
Yr friend in the aether,
| pajamawolfie chapter 1 . 8/27/2013
I'm enjoying the story so far and would like to know what happens next!
| Crazy Packers Fan chapter 1 . 8/3/2013
| JonBob0008 chapter 1 . 8/2/2013
Before I begin this review, I wish to state that I'm incredibly sorry for not reading this sooner. I've let anxiety get the better of me, and I've done a lot of procrastination as of late. That being said, I knew that I had to eventually commit myself to reading this, especially since you so kindly asked for my two cents on it. Thankfully by the time I finished the second paragraph, I knew I was reading a piece of quality work. The rest of the chapter did not disappoint.
I'll start with what I liked. Kyon's narration seemed appropriately in character (with one minor nitpick that I'll get to later). The two children (I'm not sure if they're your character or BeatleBomb's) appeared to be good characters that seemed realistic and relatable. The flashback scenes with Koizumi and Haruhi were really good and had me sucked in. Very nice! Lastly, spelling and grammar were spot on, so far as I could tell (I'm a terrible proof reader, though).
Now for some constructive criticism (they're all nitpicks really): It would have been nice if Kyon had mentioned at least one historical, scientific or pop cultural reference in his narration, as he tends to do those in the light novels. Second, during the scene where the first-year confessed to Haruhi, I don't think it was in character for her to ignore him initially. In the later novels, Haruhi had been shown to have opened up to her classmates and other fellow students and was less dismissive of their presence. I'm not sure if you've read the light novels or not, but I highly recommend them if you haven't.
That's all I got. I thoroughly enjoyed the one-shot. Curiously, are you planning on going into detail about the date itself? I think I'd like to read it.
Before I go, I leave with this: "Have you considered the possibility that her parents might move away? Or maybe it will be your parents. What will you do then? Do you think her parents will conveniently let you move in with her so you can stay in North High? This isn't a teenage romantic comedy. Real life doesn't work that way, I'm afraid, and the current status quo only guarantees us inevitable goodbyes." I laughed when I read that. Touché my good friend. Touché.
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/27/2013
It was really good. I'm just waiting for it to continue.