|Reviews for The Second Coming|
| Aiko Isari chapter 1 . 6/15/2013
the exact opposite of the strange and mercurial man who lay beneath it.- This was my favorite line in this. Just the way that this is done shows how John thought-thinks- of Sherlock. The somberness isn't him, nor is the straightforward. Sherlock was like a knot, a complicated, unidentifiable knot like the ones in long hair. He knows that, and seeing the opposite just makes the hurt worse. He knows that it's Sherlock, in his heart, and that the graveyard is messing with his head is absolutely horrible.
taking a sledgehammer to broken bones- I like this comparison because love is never easy. A lot of the time, it can be very, very painful and nobody enjoys it. And the going through the grief is worse because he knows he can't let it go no matter what the therapist says.
except as a fraud... Jim Moriarty.- This was probably my favorite part of season 2, the way that whole part with Moriarty was handled. The way John says that kind of sums up the world's feeling on the matter and i was just like: Yeah, that's the right way to explain Jim.
The one time you needed me- Ow... that hurts. really. That really hurts. I like that.
spicy, just-rained air- I love this description. This is really great imagery here. It helps that it just rained here a moment ago.
gritting his teeth with every other step.-I wonder if Sherlock in this piece, was, for John at least, like losing another limb, a limb you took for granted more than most of the strength in your legs. You didn't realize how valuable that limb was until it was gone.
Or maybe I'm just reading too much into things. This story caused me to stop and think about it for a while. I liked that. Thanks a lot!
| ReadingBlueWolf chapter 1 . 4/30/2013
I like how you immediately start with the grave and how you compare the stone to the man under it. I think that gives an immediate wow factor. The fact a storm just rolled through I think is a really nice touch to the scenery. I really enjoy the attention to detail in the cemetery. I don’t think it distracts from the story at all. I think the fact you touched on it really enhanced it. I like the touch about the therapist and how John feels about that. It’s a great way to explain what John’s mindset is. I love his thoughts. The fact he blames himself is really well put. His train of thought was great. My favorite line was “The one time you needed me, I failed you and you’re dead because of it.” That’s beautiful and sums everything up especially since it’s followed by “I’m sorry.” Aww, the fact that phone call keeps replay in his head was really sad! I loved that he ended up on someone else’s grave. That was a twist I didn’t expect. It’s sad in a lot of ways that he ran. I thought this was a good one-shot. I like the depression and emotion you’ve put into this. Good job!
| Edhla chapter 1 . 4/27/2013
Why the EFF doesn't this have more reviews?!
Yes, all those punctuation marks were necessary.
This is absolutely beautiful, Kitten. The level of earthy, realistic, painful detail you always manage to put into your fics never fails to astound me. I could seriously go and quote the whole thing in terms of "parts I liked", but in no particular order: the well-placed F-bomb, the "crunching thud", and the entire last paragraph. Dear Lord. This is amazing. xx
| mrspencil chapter 1 . 4/25/2013
Edhla pointed me in this direction, and I am delighted that she did.
You have kept this simple and in character, with a lot remaining clear and unsaid, rather than overdoing the angst.
| thats-a-moray chapter 1 . 4/25/2013
Love that you started with the description of the headstone and used it as an ironic vehicle for Sherlock's personality.
[John nudged aimlessly at a corner of one, watching the grass roll up and flop back down with a dull pluff, hands shoved deep into his pockets.] I think this would be stronger if the sentence ended with 'pluff.' You could move 'hands shoved deep into his pockets' to go after the first comma or remove it entirely. I'm leaning toward keeping it because I like it.
[... all dusk and gloaming and loneliness.] 'Gloaming' is such an awesome word.
[... by some bloke who'd never known him, except as a fraud because of fucking Jim Moriarty.] I feel like this sentence should end at 'him' and 'fucking Jim Moriarty' should be a separate idea. You've got two powerful ideas here: 1) that the headstone was carved by someone who knew nothing about Sherlock, thus why the headstone is so unlike him, and 2) that Sherlock's public image has been corrupted by Moriarty. Since these are both such powerful ideas I feel like they would both be stronger if they were described in separate sentences.
[He was far way away from the grave, propped against Rebecca Lawson, Beloved Wife and Mother. ] Took me a couple readings to realize that he had run away from Sherlock's grave and collapsed against a different tombstone. I wouldn't change it, though. Once I got it I liked it a lot.
I liked how you used the last line to call back to John's bad leg you mentioned earlier. There are a lot of call-backs in this story that make it better the second time I read it. Great work!