|Reviews for Dying From the Exit Wounds|
| Guest chapter 1 . 1/3
Can you please make a sequel?
| Esther Huffleclaw chapter 1 . 11/19/2013
Oh wow. That was incredible. I feel like there's a hole through me now. Ow, my heart.
I especially loved the extended metaphor of Sherlock-as-bullet ripping through John's life. The way you carried that throughout the piece is masterful. And Sherlock giving John lungs? And now he can't breathe because he's taken them back? Wow. Amazing. Simply wonderful.
| Ersatz Einstein chapter 1 . 11/15/2013
This is riddled with grammatical errors and typos, which is endlessly distracting, but it doesn't seem to matter. The lack of dialogue helps give the narration that disconnected feel you were going for. The ending was a tad weak given the strength of the part before it. However, you have some amazing imagery and you use run-ons exceedingly well. (I particularly loved the paragraph right after the one describing Holmes' jump.)
| starlight.moon.princess chapter 1 . 10/30/2013
This - this was gorgeous :)
I loved the analogy of the bullet that you've used here. I think it's not only fitting for the situation, but also just as fitting for John to use it, seeing as he is a military man.
You've described his emotions beautifully here - you've explored his friendship with Sherlock to what I believe is near perfection, and you've explained every emotion he feels without outrightly stating the sheer amount of grief and rage.
I particularly liked the part when he confronts Anderson and Donovan. While I, probably like you, have some slight sympathy with the two of them for the way Sherlock treats them, they're just dislikable characters on the whole. There's no reason that two grown people should hold a grudge so childishly, and for so much amount of time, and I can definitely see John losing it at them once the dust settles and the truth begins to sink in.
This was, as I said, gorgeous. You've filled in the gap between Sherlock's "death" and the scene in the graveyard brilliantly with this piece - well done! :)
| Carson chapter 1 . 10/24/2013
This story was a bullet.
It was beautiful, but it hurt.
| Heather Snow chapter 1 . 10/3/2013
I think this first foray into Sherlock is very good. I think you carried of the stream-of-consciousness sort of perspective from John extremely well, and his state of mind was very believable, very gripping. I feel that you absolutely nailed his characterization.
I loved the explanation about the bullet's entry vs exit wound. I think you explained it well, and it not only fit in very naturally but greatly enhanced the piece. Wonderful metaphor.
The only criticism I have about the whole story is a bit of a nit-pick. The lungs analogy just didn't work for me, because I couldn't move past the fact that you wouldn't even exist without lungs, so there can be no before and after. But, I'm a bit overly logically minded at times, so that may not bother most readers.
Overall, very, very good story. I hope that you will write more in the Sherlock fandom, because this is top-notch.
| Browncoats and Floral Bonnets chapter 1 . 9/9/2013
This is one of the best depictions of John Watson that I have ever read in my entire life. He was so spot-on. And Greg! I was really impressed with your characterization of Lestrade. He's one of my favorite characters period and you really did him justice. Besides just getting the characters down, I love the whole comparison of Sherlock to a bullet and the exit wound and WOW, bloody brilliant!
There was a small portion of time when I was confused as to where the characters were location-wise, but that was soon cleared up and probably no fault of your own. I'm a little daft sometimes.
I really, really enjoyed this fic and will probably go back to read it many, many more times! Keep up the good work!
| StrawberryDuckFeathers chapter 1 . 7/14/2013
It's great that you researched before you wrote! I like the tidbit of information at the beginning, since it's not a huge info-dump, but a concise description to further the readers' understanding of the piece. [But… well. He didn't see this coming, but he maybe should have.] This was a brilliant enticing sentence. :) I really like that even something as shocking or extra-ordinary as what has happened has greatly worried Watson, even though he's very skilled in the said field. It really gives it that dramatic edge. I also like the twist of the exit wound being a metaphorical one, rather than a literal one.
It's excellent how you've described Watson's feelings about Sherlock- you really clearly show how his life has felt like nothing up to the point in which Sherlock entered his life. I loved the comparison between him not being able to breathe before Sherlock arriving, since it's like he feels he's able to live when Sherlock is around. I also liked the comparison to his life before metting him being like a black and white film. :)
Wow, I loved the shock of Sherlock standing atop the roof. I can bet that was just like a bullet through the chest for poor Watson, so sudden and yet so painful. I like how he's so lost in his grief that his journey from the scene to getting to Lestrade has been mostly forgotten. It's a huge part of his life that's been taken with Sherlock, and now he can't breathe- because Sherlock was what kept him breathing.
I think one of my favourite lines is this one: [where once he'd had skin and bone and muscle but where now he only has an empty, bloody, agonising hole.] I love how it shows that he used to have skin, bone and muscle- three things which I believe are vital to life- and now there's nothing there but a hole, and it's like Sherlock's death has made him feel like he has no life in him anymore.
It's so cool how you've described John's punch in such soft words, as it really gives the vibe that John really doesn't care how much he's hurt Anderson- he's already hurt enough. And I really like how Watson seems to be so hostile towards many people at this point, as if he just wants to get away from it all. I also like how well you show his confusion, as he is only 'pretty sure' that he's yelling. And it's so awesome, the way you describe the rest of the public not knowing Sherlock for who he really was, unlike Watson did.
The ending was so sad, since it seems as if not only Sherlock is dead but, in a sense, so is Watson without Sherlock by his side. :(
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Here is my critique/suggestions for you. :)
. (ok, it wasn't ) 'ok' is better written as 'OK' or 'okay'. :)
. (Stone pavers slams painfully ) Since 'pavers' is a plural, 'slams' would be 'slam.' :)
[ A stone paver slams]
[ Stone pavers slam]
. (Sherlock walked into John's life and gave him lungs and then he jumped back out of it and took the lungs away again ) Since it is mentioned in the previous paragraph, this could be omitted. :)
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This piece really tugs at your heartstrings and so powerfully shows how the death of a close one, or a suicide, or even an attempted suicide as well, can really kill one on the inside, too. It's something that, whilst I cannot relate to it, many others who have lost a dear one will be able to see exactly how Watson feels, and a piece being relatable just makes it even better, since it seems to pull you in more. :)
Amazing work! :D :D
| Hurlstien chapter 1 . 7/13/2013
[How could he have guessed, when Sherlock fitted in with him so perfectly it was like he was always meant to be there? Like they're two strangely shaped puzzle pieces that make no sense on their own, but that when joined together somehow make a whole that not only works, but works brilliantly and flawlessly and beautifully.] From what I know of the Sherlock series (film and TV) I can totally see where you are coming from with this and you described their relationship really well!
I really enjoyed the comparison of Sherlock in John's life to a bullet wound and the bullet getting bigger and bigger before it finally leaves in a bang, obliterating all around it. All in all, I enjoyed this. I don't know if any of this is canon or not, but either way, it's interesting to know that Sherlock committed suicide, or at least, appeared to. And for what reason? Eh, that's besides the point. This was an excellent one-shot (I didn't find any misspellings or grammar errors, well done) and I'm glad I got to read it :)
| Madam'zelleGiry chapter 1 . 7/10/2013
It was a really great idea to start out with the more technical side of John's medical knowledge. I found that it drew me right into the story, and that it really did make me want to keep reading. I like the way that you make us imagine what it must be like to have such detailed knowledge as you lie there bleeding to death... almost worse than not knowing at all what's really happening to you.
I absolutely loved the puzzle metaphor as well. All of these thoughts going through John's mind are absolutely perfect. Your characterization is brilliant.
This is such a dark piece, and I love the way that you're handling the angst here. I love stories like this, and I have to say that you're doing a fabulous job. Excellent characterization of all the characters, particularly John and Lestrade. I loved the bit about punching Anderson, because we all know that he really did deserve it. And the last line was absolutely perfect... I really have no words... amazing. I really enjoyed this piece.
| riaser chapter 1 . 7/10/2013
Warning: I am completely fandom blind.
I really love how you narrated this piece, and how it seems to span a few different years. It had a very rhythmic vibe, like I was listening to someone talk, and that really made the piece better for me, because, like I've already stated, I'm completely fandom blind.
I think your writing is very descriptive, but it gets a little prose-y sometimes, like when John (?) is telling us how Sherlock made a bullet hole in his life, a tiny entry wound. You state this multiple times with different descriptions that are a little unnecessary.
Otherwise, I think I did enjoy this, it was well thought out and orchestrated. Very well done!
| Great Angemon chapter 1 . 7/9/2013
let me just say this; I know absolutely nothing about this fandom. That being said, I did, greatly enjoy this story.
I could feel John's anguish at losing his best friend. It's never easy to lose someone you're close to. Writing about someone who's going through such turbulence is just as difficult, in my opinion.
I don't know if it was intentional, because it seemed to me that you changed halfway through, but the story was written in the past-tense, and while it's a perfectly good way to write, I've always found it harder to follow than other types.
Overall, it was a great story.
| MessengerOfDreams chapter 1 . 7/8/2013
I ship John's Fist x Anderson's Face.
You managed to take one single metaphor, one little golden thread, and make enough out of it to build a gigantic blanket which soaks up all of my tears from reading this story. It started slow and cold, and then when we broke into present time, it all boiled over. Your third-person-but-not-really narration of John losing his cool is simultaneously chilling and fiery, and the amount of detail and emotion and passion put into that is about as real as it gets. I especially liked this line.
(Really though, he shouldn't be surprised that they fell for Moriarty's game, because Donovan told John where she stood on the enigma that is (was) Sherlock Holmes the very day she met the detective's new flatmate. "One day we'll all be standing around a body," she'd said. "And Sherlock Holmes will be the one who put it there." And that turned out to be true, in the end, only the body that Sherlock Holmes put there is himself, and John can confidently say that no one saw that coming.)
That was the lynchpin of the story. And what an excellent line that is.
There are approximately 1.5billion Reichenbach Fall stories roaming around the world wide web, yet you still manage to rise to the top. Excellent work.
| The Real F'n Scorp chapter 1 . 7/8/2013
For starters, I know bats all about the Sherlock fandom :) What led me to reading your story was your summary. What kept me here though was this line: ((A bullet makes a smaller hole going in than it does going out.))-Just an absolutely fantastic hook. I found myself intrigued and decided to continue reading. And then you expanded upon your hook in your second line:
((Upon impact with the target, the tip of the bullet will fragment and curl back on itself, widening further with every millimetre it travels, and by the time it tears out the other side, depending what sort of bullet it was, it can leave a wound three-to-six times larger than that of the entry point.)) -done deal. I was in for the long haul. Creating gripping hooks is difficult, keeping the momentum flowing eve more difficult. I never felt like you lost the flow at all. And even knowing bats all, I was able to keep up swimmingly well...another mark of a good storywriter :)
Other lines I want to point out:
((And that turned out to be true, in the end, only the body that Sherlock Holmes put there is himself, and John can confidently say that no one saw that coming))-I really felt this line summed up the mental mind frame of Sherlock Holmes. Any version of Holmes I have ever seen always depicts an intellectually gifted genius with an arrogance and flamboyance to him that strikes a picture of eccentricity that you find charming more than annoying. But there's a psychological dark side to Holmes as well, and I feel you captured it brilliantly here. I can see Holmes doing this to poor Watson without ever once stopping to consider just how much it will tear John apart emotionally.
((John's pretty sure he's yelling – at Anderson and Donovan, mostly, but also at all these people who are hanging around and gawking at the bloodied smear on the pavement where Sherlock's head hit the ground and at the photographers and paparazzi who are clamouring for a picture or a statement or the latest update on what happened here, and at every damn person who never saw the amazing man that Sherlock was and who only saw the stories that had the potential for selling newspapers and at the idiots who only ever believed the lies that the twisted, flawed media told them.))-This is just the most statement in the whole story. You've summed up John's feelings and his internal angst, where he's directing his thoughts and churning feelings beautifully. I also like the subtle criticism upon the social media and society in general here. I happen to find the social media to be sensationalistic sharks that need to be hunted for the crimes and hurt they've caused/committed in the name of the press... but thats just me :)
Another point I wanted to bring up: I love the theme of John not having lungs until Sherlock came into his life and gave them to him. And when Sherlock exits John's life, he takes his lungs away, leaving John unable to breathe. It just ties them together as more than just partners, more than just friends, almost like brothers really (because I am not detecting a lovers vibe, but maybe there is one that I am not aware of(?)).
A few minor criticisms:
This line: ((How could he have guessed (that) Sherlock (would) fit with him so perfectly? (It was almost as if) he was always meant to be there. Like they're two strangely shaped puzzle pieces that (made absolutely) no sense on their own, but when joined together somehow (made) a whole (puzzle) that not only works, but works brilliantly and flawlessly and beautifully.))-It read strange to me in the original context which is why I have suggested some changes that might eliminate that feeling for anybody else (or I could be the weirdo...which is possible).
Punctuation: ((Mrs. Hudson))-not a biggie, I know, but I like when people point out these mistakes for me, so I try to offer it in kind :)
Also, the areas in parenthesis... ((Really though, he shouldn't be surprised that they fell for Moriarty's game, because Donovan told John where she stood on the enigma that is-was-Sherlock Holmes the very day she met the detective's new flatmate. "One day we'll all be standing around a body," she'd said. "And Sherlock Holmes will be the one who put it there." And that turned out to be true, in the end, only the body that Sherlock Holmes put there is himself, and John can confidently say that no one saw that coming.))-I'd lose them, all of them. While it does not serve to stem the flow you have going, it is a tad distracting.
In all, I really, really enjoyed your story. I never felt lost or confused for the most part and saw the story for what it was-a man mourning the loss of someone he greatly cared for. The equating of Sherlock's arrival into John's life to a bullet wound was just brilliant and added an element of introspective richness to John that made him seem even more alive. Wonderful job!
| Tune4Toons chapter 1 . 7/7/2013
There's such a lovely metaphorical essence to this that you get from the very first few lines that you have an idea where it's going, dreading what will happen to poor Watson, but you know there's this growth he goes through that you're just gonna break out hearts with. ;_; And you did. My heart's on the floor from all this poetic [yet precise due to that surgical nature of describing something like a bullet hole, but it's a fantastic blend of] imagery you bring in as we can see all of Watson's experiences flash at us (though not overwhelming us). I love how deep into his mind you bring us—with a —to the point where we feel a lot of /him/ and how torn apart he is.
I noticed this is a very stream-style piece too, with the way John's thoughts go hear and there. The only thing is the brackets; brackets within brackets would be differently shaped? ( [_] ) But that's beside the point. The pacing to this is what got me the most, I think. You can feel that rush of emotion as you read through the more emotional narration (like it speeds up within those long sentences).
Fantastic piece you have here! Thank you so much for the read! Cheers!