|Reviews for Starting Over|
| RavenLilyLuna chapter 10 . 3/22
love it cant wait fo your next chapter
| gategirl15747 chapter 10 . 2/27
Please please update soon
| MusicalLover17 chapter 10 . 2/24
great chapter. plse update the story
| cerberus321 chapter 10 . 12/18/2013
I want to know their reactions
| Guest chapter 2 . 11/29/2013
| Guest chapter 1 . 11/29/2013
| KeegSlytherin chapter 7 . 11/10/2013
Hi! The story is quite good so far. You just might want to correct the name of the tournament in Fleur's letter as the Triwizard Tournament and not the Goblet of Fire which is the artefact that chooses the contestants :)
Also try not to switch the narration to "I" and "he/him" too much.
Other than that, it's quite good and the plot is interesting.
| PaC chapter 10 . 11/2/2013
There are a HUGE number of problems, I'll ignore most to just highlight a few examples to illustrate.
"...looking at the note in shock...Sirius would be there if he needed him but he shouldn't be in Britain. He could get caught... knew he couldn't change his godfathers mind. He would meet them..."
? THEM? There is NO HINT OR NOTE that THEM is going to be there, ONLY that Sirius is going to be there.
? "in shock...shouldn't be in Britain...couldn't change his godfathers' mind..."
WFT? You did write to Sirius: "Padfoot...need you more than anything or anyone RIGHT NOW. ...I'd rather tell you in person. I know it's dangerous but I need you and Moony."
So Harry demands and begs Sirius COME to him IN PERSON, and then blame him for taking a risk and coming!
Then Harry searches the attic, NOT because his aunt said the mysterious box from Lilly was there, but because traditionally that is where special boxes and trunks from Lilly are located, in the Dursley's attic.
...don't trust Dumbledore...Potter manor...has some of the best wards...unplottable...not even Dumbledore could find us...[[[but both of us being idiots we are still doing as the evil untrustworthy Dumbles wants and going to stay where he tells us to stay.]]] ...Black wasn't our secret keeper Peter Pettigrew is [[[wasn'tis, mixing tenses, past mixed with present, shitty grammar]]] ...Why didn't Dumbledore let his parents stay at Potter Manor..." [[[NO, WTF were your idiot parents "LETTING" Dumbles DECIDE where to stay?!]]]
And he knew Neville would be a better friend than Ron...Hermione and Ron...saw him as someone famous to hang out...as someone she could belittle...because she had better grades...[[[AND because we now inject yet more summary material of another typical obvious cliche used in fanfics. You don't CREATE a storyline where Harry learns or experiences Neville becoming a better friend, he just INSTANTLY is dubbed that via a summary of a standard cliche in Ron bash fics, dump Ron and insert Neville as a "better friend".]]]
"Used an unspeakable on me..." You mean an UNforgiveable...
With a million Potter fanfics, it is hard NOT to write cliches, but at least WRITE it out, into the story, Harry having a long introspective narrative with EXAMPLE EVENTS from the past as he comes to such conclusions. WHY was he ever their friend if he thought this, and he's only thinking this as if Harry has just now read a few typical Ron-Hermione bashing fanfics. Using fanfic cliches is not as bad as just tossing summaries of them into a fic, without SHOWING/creating "the cliche", just tossing cliches into a narrative-like summary is just...lame.
AUTHOR forgets OWN story line, asking Augusta about spells that make "someone hate someone else" [[[try just calling it a compulsion charm ]]] THEN Harry/Author seems to have forgotten that Petunia SAID Dumbles cast a spell on her to make her hate Harry...DUH
"...tournament...called the goblet of fire..." No, the Goblet of Fire chooses the champions and is not the name of the Tournament.
Whether you borrowed the penpal stuff from the fanfic "Letters" or not doesn't matter, as so far you're not "copying" that fic all that much. Could be you never even heard of it or read that fanfic. Neither that fic, "Letters" nor your fanfic creates very decent "letter writing" between Harry and Fleur. And this fic inserts several additional side plots thought up or borrowed.
Do review how BUSY you made Hedwig delivering letters to both Fleur and others a bit TOO rapidly to make sense if the owl actually FLYS the distances. Although JKR even makes such errors, with supersonic owls sometimes being needed, as no mention of portkeying of owls is ever made.
And, with no owl of her own, how was Hermione and other owl-less muggleborns to write to their penpals? Let their penpal owl them first?
I found it a bit odd that you made Dumbles involved, as if he was grading and managing the entire penpal "assignment" among all the students.
You've shoveled a lot of extra side plots into the story, good luck managing them so that they don't just become distractions/interruptions from a decent flow to the story.
That is probably one of the better characteristics of the fanfic "Letters", the FLOW of the story is pretty good, it flows forward at a pretty good even pace.
Augusta and Neville taking in the Malfoys is so super-trusting it was a bit hard to swallow, bit much blind trust and naivety here.
You've got a lot of problems and flaws with the story so far, but IF you can think up good and interesting plotlines it still might be good enough to read more...if you can create MORE story that is unique enough and interesting enough for readers to want to continue reading.
| Zaion Indulias chapter 10 . 10/28/2013
CLICHE CLICHE CLICHE CLICHE CLICHE CLICHE CLICHE CLICHE CLICHE CLICHE CLICHE CLICHE CLICHE CLICHE CLICHE CLICHE CLICHE CLICHE CLICHE CLICHE CLICHE CLICHE CLICHE CLICHE CLICHE CLICHE CLICHE CLICHE
And if you didn't read the fic 'Letters' before coming up with this I'll eat my hat.
| elizabeth.mary.stark chapter 10 . 10/27/2013
I can't wait to see Aunt Petunia soon!
| SlythrInHermione chapter 9 . 10/13/2013
hello ! I just found this story looking for fleur harry pairings .. I'm a bit behind on poll voting.. Could you let me know who was chosen for the pairing with neville and cedric? I also voted in this krum pairing but I made a mistake .. I picked hermione and frankly not knowing whether she is merely used and manipulated in dumbledores plans as a vessel or willingly taking part, well plays a huge role in debate.. Because at this point I would feel safer changing that vote from hermione to a friend of fleurs .. Frankly I'd like to see a hermione willing to do anything to move up in the world and being best friends with such an influential person like the boy who lived and having the confidence of dumbledore she couldn't resist.. Whether you want to say she was fed a potion is up to you but I dislike her character and wouldn't mind to see her in something other than the canon bossy book..
I personally love the evil dumble and snape fics .. I'm curious to see what molly does in her meeting to tell dumbles and how all the others react.. It would be excellent to see the court session and harry call for retribution with snape and have him kissed or something like blocks simlarly placed on him that harry had to work through .. Only these would be permanent .. I hope dumbles gets stripped of positions and
thrown in jail etc but I can't see that working well for this story for some reason ..
if nothing else .. As long as harry recoups all his stolen money plus interest, never interacts with these scrubs again and instead makes it his plan to destroy them.. I would like to see as tremendous change take place with his character, both physical/mental and magically once blocks are removed .. A trained new stud harry will have fleur drooling once she gets to meet him in person ..
the new comradery of harry neville and draco will be great, especially once the marriage to lucius is anualled .. With grandmother longbottom and sirius and even cissa they shouls be able to impart a lot of knowledge into the lads ..
definitely following this with rapt attention, I can't wait for the summer training and blocks removed especially .. Wishing you all the best!
| IsaBella Haven ElizaBeth Spear chapter 1 . 10/12/2013
Love the story. :D I find the paring of Harry/Fleur to be... new and interesting. Keep writing! Bella
| Penny is wise chapter 10 . 10/11/2013
Awesome chapter. Disappointed that Hermione betrayed him, why can't she be his twin or something and Fumbles likes to split brother and sister twins because he's paranoid that they will be too strong.
| jenn008 chapter 10 . 10/9/2013
| Avas1Fan0033 chapter 10 . 10/7/2013
This is good I really dont like Albus ron ginny and molly And i hate snape, I hope you go with Hermione was given Loyalty potion like Harry was. Becuse I like her I don't like her be bashed, as every body needs a strong hand some times .