|Reviews for EO Challenge- Wants and Wishes|
| Dizzo chapter 1 . 5/8/2013
This little drabble says so much about the Winchester family dynamic and how tragic it is.
Very touching x
| Woman of Letters chapter 1 . 5/2/2013
You very nicely express the needs/wants of all three Winchesters. It's very sad, actually, sad and sweet at the same time. I like the last part: "Dean wanted Sam safe and would do anything for it. John wanted Mary, and Little Sammy just wanted to be a local." I've never heard it expressed quite that way- "a local" - but oh yes, that does so perfectly describe what Sam always wanted.
I feel like this could do with some paragraph breaks, though. It just feels like it needs to be broken up. I'd suggest one of two ways:
1 - either put a paragraph break after each person when you first describe their wants and needs: one break after "his mommy told him so", one after "if the need didn't arise" and one after "trade his life for Mary's." That will leave you with four paragraphs all together.
2 - Put a paragraph break after "trade his life for Mary's" and have this as two separate paragraphs.
Which way do you think packs more punch? That's the way you should go.
And the end - after you say their wishes so poignantly in the last paragraph - it feels like there should be something else, some other statement, like some observation about the irony of their conflicting desires. But that doesn't have to be there - you may feel I'm completely off on that one. :) Endings are always the hardest to do.
So I know I've been giving you constructive criticism, but if you want me to do this privately rather than posting it publicly, please let me know. I could go either way.