|Reviews for Death Wish|
| MoltenCheese chapter 4 . 3/7
It's truly a pity that this awesome story is abandoned. It really is a damn compelling read. I normally don't really like stories with first person PoV, but this one really pulled it off. Favorited.
| Balatros chapter 4 . 12/8/2014
I don't have much to say other than a "Well done", the story is short and the characters compelling.
Keep up the good work
| ForSer chapter 4 . 12/7/2014
It's Brilliant! Update plz!
| slept chapter 4 . 10/1/2013
| Marcus Livius Drusus chapter 4 . 9/22/2013
All I can say: It's fucking awesome. Read it.
| MasterRev chapter 4 . 8/29/2013
Very intriguing story. The inner monologue is excellent. I look forward to see the chaos that is about to reign supreme. Excellent work!
| Wayward Hero chapter 4 . 8/2/2013
very interesting so far...Looking forward to the next chapter
| JPElles chapter 4 . 7/8/2013
| Impstar chapter 4 . 6/22/2013
The timeline is tricking me up a little. I probably missed a line here or there that explained it. My guess is that in the present, Harry has caught Dolohov, while most of this is talking about how he reached there. That's the only thing I can think of that would explain why Dolohov is both imprisoned and killing people. Hmm.
| SomeGuyFawkes chapter 1 . 6/20/2013
Chap 1-4... It's got some good points: badass, ruthless, but still likeable Harry; some scenes and some better-than-average-steaminess.
But the, disjointed plot, repeatedly jumping backwards and forwards (and sideways, and out the window) in time; really brings the overall quality down. It makes the story harder to follow, disengages the reader, and feels like a cheap authorial trick. TV shows can get away with this on occasion (if they skillfully use visual and auditory clues). I've yet to see a novice writer make anything but a hash of this kind of disjointedness.
Also, it's unbelievable that Dolohov could be that badass - singlehandedly taking down good wards and defeating all those people. In canon, Flitwick easily beat him. Hell, a barely trained Hermione got him and would have beat him if she was just a scosh more experienced or ruthless (HP5). Hermione bested him in HP7. It's not even believably show that Dolohov could poison the Weasleys, or even get on their property without alerting the cavalry. Of course, Molly would notice if her clock started coming up "Mortal Peril", too.
Also, Dolohov was captured, possibly killed, in the Battle of Hogwarts. Lucius couldn't get him out of Azkaban if he wanted to (and why would he).
| Isaac Prewett chapter 4 . 6/17/2013
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YOURE GOING TO KILL Ben :(
You just doomed him, that so mean :(
But anyway I have a doubt, is this chapter located in the past? Since in an earlier chapter Harry WAS torturing Dolohov or was I mistaking?
Great scene with the Harry/Sasha at the end with, "you never know when you're going to die" it was pure gold!
| Lightsbane1905 chapter 4 . 6/17/2013
What i think is, damn this author makes my blood purr and my lips smirk into a feral smile. However way you run this is going to be good.
So shit, that wands alive? Or at least hungry? I love how you wrote the contrast between holly and elder, 'one takes out the trash, does the dishes etc and the other blows your head off quite nicely' sort of thing. Look forward to more and I would like a little fleur soon. The woman he would storm the gates of hell for.
| Guest chapter 4 . 6/14/2013
Ive been waiting for this and it certainly goes beyond all expectations. By far worth the wait. I love your flow and style and the story is fantastic.
| livin and breathin chapter 4 . 6/16/2013
Hii I thought this chapter was pretty great. It allowed a more cohesive tale to come through even though you did the scene-jumping just as well. I think your writing and characterization is impeccable and that the entire thing was written really really well with a fabulous plot. My only one critique is that towards the end when transferring between the italics to present tense font there were moments of confusion between the pov of the elder wand and that of harry's bloodlust. It was done minorly and it cleared itself up if you continue reading but generally the italicized peices should line up a little more fluidly. Honestly though otherwise the entire thing was written wonderfully. I'm really looking forward to more! You're a great writer
Livin and Breathin
| Oh I am Slain chapter 4 . 6/15/2013
the seedy Knockturn alley
the seedy Knockturn Alley
He sighed."Just be careful."
He sighed. "Just be careful."
"The realization hit me. This was the first time since the funerals that I'd smiled, hell laughed with genuine happiness. As soon this was done, I'd be there to show him the ropes myself. He'd make one heck of an Auror. The thought itself made me smile again."
[For trope-savvy readers, this is approximately as ominous of a sentence as it can get.]
any tv cameras
any TV cameras
A raven took to the clear sky
[Ravens always get the bad PR. :'( Sadness.]
there's was little danger
there was little danger
and I could see her the curve
and I could see the curve
Sasha made it way look effortless
Sasha made it look effortless [Btw, wouldn't it have been safer to conjure an illusion of Sasha, or put her under some form of mind control, while Harry stays invisible? Or he could just wander around invisible too.]
"No more, Antonin," Lucius hissed. "That's quite enough."
[On one hand, this feels like such a setup. On the other hand, Harry *is* on a potion that's supposed to be felix felices.]
eager to another mark to its deathly tally
eager to add another mark to its deathly tally
I felt a soft heat start to rub against my thigh. The Elder Wand was already stretching, awake from its short slumber.
Anyway, this is an exceedingly well-written chapter, especially the rich language conveying the emotions from bloodlust to regular lust. Technically, there are quite a few other things Harry could do to be more secretive (and easily get Dolohov and Lucius away), but I guess Harry's recklessness can mostly be excused due to Harry's mind being muddled. Dolohov and Lucius are being quite reckless too, to the point that I'm still convinced that those aren't actually them. If those 2 people aren't them, then congrats on sowing the seeds of doubt very well. Also, obvious conspiracy theory: someone (or Death him/herself) is manipulating all of these events to either screw up Harry or mess with Death/the Hallows. Or perhaps Death is just watching events unfold and there's no conspiracy, but that's not as fun to think about. Like usual, if there's anything in particular you want more feedback on, just mention it. Cheers!