|Reviews for Fight or flight|
| microscope chapter 10 . 4/30
DAAAANNNNG I LOVE THIS! YOU ABSOLUTELY NEED TO WRITE MORE ASAP!
| The Wayfaring Strangers chapter 4 . 4/29/2014
Okay. It's been a while since I started reading this story, but this chapter helped me get back into it.
First off, I really liked your characterization of Bruce Banner. He came across concerned, careful, anxious, and completely out of his depth, which I'm pretty sure is what you were going for. The sentence about his eyes flashing green at the end was a nice touch as well: showing, not telling. Although, while Bruce certainly isn't 'that kind of doctor,' I think he's bit more perceptive toward - and therefor less terrified of - mental trauma. We know that he had suicidal thoughts at some point, so I think he would understand a bit more of what Tony's going through. What reaction Tony's words on the subject would elicit is up
for debate, but I think he would have a t least some empathy and understanding of 'not seeing a way out.'
I thought you handled Tony's ...issues alright, and he made sense for where you're taking his character. That said, I'm not sure his mental troubles are so extreme in the actual canon, so you seem to be extrapolating a bit, but once the reader understands that, it works. One thing, though: Tony had quite a few f-bombs in his dialogue, which were jarring to me because they were so unexpected. Technically, that should up the story's rating to M...
It looked like you were using Steve primarily as a way to have Bruce explain more about Tony's mental state, which is fine; dialogue can be used to advance the plot. But I think that Steve's reaction would be more extreme, and that he would go to Tony and try to talk sense into him then and there. Steve needs to save people and he's a doer - he doesn't just sit around worriedly when things go that far wrong.
All these things said, it was a pretty good chapter, though there were a few small grammatical hiccups. I suggest carefully proofreading your chapters before you post them, or even finding a beta reader to help you catch comma splices and the like. Keep writing!
| Kuma the wolf alchemist chapter 1 . 4/26/2014
I’m a pretty big Iron Man and Avengers fan, but I don’t read many fanfics on either, so I was pretty excited to see this story was an Avengers story. I really like the way you handle Tony’s character and how important it is to realize how his experiences through the Avenger and what has happened in his past has affected his present life and relationships. He’s suffering from PTSD which is extremely hard to cope with, especially when the person doesn’t really want help. I also like how realistic Nicola is as a psychiatrist and how she clearly knows what she’s doing and is very professional.
Your writing style is very clear and structured in a way that is very understandable. You have done a great job editing this! The reader isn’t stuck trying to mentally correct words or trying to piece together sentences they make sense. I also liked the way you started off the story by putting the focus on Tony. You got straight to the point of where he was in life and what he was suffering from.
“Thank you Dr. Taylor [,]” Gemma turned around and…-Just a slight grammar error. Simply add a comma and you’re good!
‘Dr. Sullivan had reassured her that he had made arrangements for all his patients and [;] all he had asked was that she kept an eye on his precious office plants’—The two commas aren’t very necessary within this sentence, however I would suggest taking out the ‘and’ and replacing it with a semicolon.
“A glass of water then [,]” She corrected with a smile. -I was taught that in sentences like this where you don’t have more of a body paragraph after the speaking line that you should put a comma at the end instead of a period. However, maybe in another writing style that I haven’t been introduced to yet that is correct- correct me if I’m wrong. Or I this doesn’t make sense you can message me.
Overall, I really liked the beginning of this story!
| Angelz of Light chapter 2 . 4/23/2014
Okay I tagged you again cause I'm loving this story of yours and it makes me want to read the comics of Avengers. It just seems really good. Pepper waking up Tony was so sweet. I love how concerned she is and you show all this so beautifully without actually stating that she is concerned about Tony.
Tony's attack in the kitchen brought tears to my eyes. I really thought he was beginning to feel better but it doesn't seem he is with that attack. Bruce seems like a really good friend, acting quickly. I love how they realised what he was going through and how quickly Natasha acted.
This is a shorter chapter than the last one so I'll comment on the things I loved once again. Tony and Pepper's short moment with her supporting him was really well written. I could feel waves of concern coming off Pepper. The friends talking loudly in the kitchen was also a good trigger for Tony to lapse back into whatever incident that's traumatising him and lastly I love Bruce's concern for Tony as well. Are they best friends? Keep up the good work!
| Angelz of Light chapter 1 . 4/23/2014
I know a bit about Iron Man so I'm not completely fandom blind, though I've only seen Movie 3, so I'm mainly familiar with the characters of Tony and Pepper, who make an adorable couple by the way. Ok so you start off by telling us Tony is exhausted but try to avoid telling. I'm not one to talk as I'm unable to do this myself very well, but I'm slowly learning.
Ok from the next lines, it appears Tony is traumatised by nightmares. Using my little knowledge of the fandom, I assume he's living with Pepper in this. If so, why doesn't she provide some comfort? Of course that's just a suggestion. It seems whatever has happened has affected Tony deeply since he's reliving the experience.
I'm glad he's willing to see someone though now as I read further. The way you go into detail about the complication and his asthmatic situation as well as his problem with the flashbacks is well-done. I award you points with realism on that one as I wouldn't be able to do something like that.
The Tony and Pepper moment was really adorable. I think the two of them had really amazing chemistry in the movie. Not really sure who Bruce is but seems he has Tony's best interests at heart. Hope Tony doesn't give up trying to be better.
| Madam'zelleGiry chapter 6 . 4/22/2014
I like the way that you're portraying the therapy here. It feels very realistic and matter of fact so that Tony doesn't have to deal with people beating about the bush and treating him like a child. The start of any kind of therapy is really hard or both the therapist and the one being treated, so it's good to see them starting to settle into their roles and to see that Tony isn't quite willing to put all of his trust into telling her what's been going on in his life to spark his mental health. The way that he gets to ask the questions rather than have to deal with flashbacks works nicely here, and I think that Nicola will be able to help him out a lot, if he allows himself to relax and submit to her. It's a long, painful road but there could be a light visible at the other end of the tunnel.
"...some other time" Missing the period
"...how well qualified..." should be "well-qualified"
"What could possibly go wrong?" Having that line after him sighing in "resignation" makes me think that he's thinking that question seriously, like he's going along with what everyone's saying, rather than being sarcastic and panicky. Might want to take another look at that.
"Clockwise, anticlockwise..." Here, you want to use the American version of anticlockwise since this is taking place in America, from what I'd gathered. So you'll want to say "counter clockwise"
""So how does..." This should be on the same line as Tony's last bit of dialogue, or the formatting makes it look like Nicola is now the one speaking.
There were also times that I felt like Tony's emotional state was you telling a bit rather than showing. You might want to consider going over and looking at it again.
Characterization was very enjoyable here, particularly the way that Nicola was viewing Tony. His little quips came across very well, and it's nice to see some of the old Tony back. I'll be interested to see where you go with this. Very realistic portrayal of the therapy session, particularly how slow a process it's really going to be. Another interesting chapter!
| CrimsonEyedKitsune chapter 10 . 4/19/2014
Love the story! Please continue soon!
| GeorgyannWayson chapter 1 . 4/19/2014
I'm going to be very honest right now: I did NOT see Iron Man 3, but I was still attracted to read this due to the fact that PTSD is mentioned. As someone who suffers from PTSD, I can identify with some of what Tony is feeling.
I don't know why, but I really laughed at the secretary that was wheezing. Probably because it made the situation a little bit lighter. Nice touch.
Your description of Tony's panic attack was very accurate. Especially when you said that the office was disappearing around him and the intrusive flashbacks were moving in; I sometimes feel that way, too when I'm having what I call so eloquently a "moment".
Although I haven't seen Iron Man 3, I can tell that you've really thought about best to develop the story and stay true to Tony's character and his experience without making it grotesque. For that, I thank you. Suicide can be a messy and difficult subject to deal with.
| Blex Luthor chapter 1 . 4/19/2014
Just a warning, I've seen Iron Man, Iron Man 2, and the Avengers, but not Iron Man 3.
I really like the idea of this story, showing the psychological ramifications that all those heroics can have on people.
Your opening is pretty strong and I liked your OC, Nicola. Calm, competent, with just a bit of cheek to her. Also, Black Sabbath is ALWAYS a good choice.
I loved how you made Tony seem like, well, Tony, but it wasn't overbearing or anything. It was little things ("Too much fuss," "Brucie-boy," the way he parked his car) that show he's still a bit of a smug SOB and pretty much lives his life by the code of Screw the Rules, I Have Money. You kept all the ways he, basically, thinks he's an exception to most rules, but didn't feel like you had to beat the reader over the head with it. Good job on that.
My main critique of this is that the writing style feels a little clinical and impersonal, but for a piece this, you should be all up in his feels.
"Reliving the experience as if it was happening all over again.": This sentence is a little redundant. Reliving something implies that it feels like it's happening all over again.
"on his desk and amongst a pile of papers": You should add a comma between "and" and "amongst" or just split this sentence up, with the first ending with "desk" and the second starting with "amongst." The way it's written now is a little confusing.
"PTSD research": This is purely subjective, but I think you should actually write "post traumatic stress disorder" out here. I can't say why exactly, it has a certain je ne sais quoi, but it feels stronger that way. Plus, since you're talking about field of research and whatnot, I think that'd make it seem a little more official to write out there, you know? And, although I doubt any of your readers will be unfamiliar with the acronym, you usually want to write it out the first time you use the term in the body of a piece.
"which to Tony": Needs a comma between "to" and "Tony."
"Thank you Dr Taylor": Needs a comma between "you" and "Dr Taylor", because she's being addressed as that. "Dr" needs a period. I know y'all folks across the pond tend not to throw the period in after an abbreviated honorific, but everywhere else you kept the period in, so it should be done here for the sake of consistency. And then the whole sentence of dialogue needs either a comma or a period between the last word and the quotation mark.
"a busy hospitals": Should be "busy hospitals" or "a busy hospital."
"walk-in's": Shouldn't have an apostrophe.
"6 months"/all other cases of writing numbers as numerals instead of the word: The way I always learned it, unless the number is above 10 or in a date, the number should be written out.
"you' ll": Get rid of the space.
"also gotten up": The "also" doesn't quite make sense here, because, as far I can tell, no one else has gotten up.
"ball into fists to calm": This seems like it's missing something. "...calm himself down," perhaps?
"walls .": Space again.
"Small world isn't it.": Should have a question mark at the end and a comma between "world" and "isn't".
| Better a Freak Than A Fake chapter 1 . 3/24/2014
Fandom mostly blind
Right off the bat your portrayal of Tony was very deluding and mysterious. I wasn't sure what was going on but not in a confusing way more of a suspenseful way. I know that he is Ironman assuming it's the same Tony so I can assume it's something having to do with that but I don't know so that really set me up to want to keep reading.
With the part about New York or Afghanistan I assume I'm supposed to know what that means if I were a fan, which I'm not. Though pretty much throughout any Fanfiction it's best not to assume that every reader knows the Fandom well and try and add a little more detail to that.
From what I do know on Tony Stark now I'm getting a little confused with these flashbacks as described as him basically blacking out everything. Correct me if I'm wrong but that seems a little out of his character.
The young receptionist seems to be an OC no? Either way you worked quite a bit of characterization just in the first paragraph she was in. Which is a difficult skill to learn so good job.
By the end of the first section (as divided by your page breakers) I am thoroughly confused. First of all, with the sudden scene change without really much of a buildup.
Straight into the second part I’m not as confused but you still pretty much lost me. Also quite a few people reading this probably won’t know what a pulmonologist is besides that they study something given the suffix and which could only worsen the aforementioned confusion. Confusion is generally bad and I probably would have stopped reading here if I wasn’t stuck for the Review Tag so I’m guessing I’m not the only one who feels that way.
My computer is absolutely refusing to let me copy any of your quotes here (It’s annoying I know) but with the ‘billionaire walk-ins’ thing… did I miss something? I feel like I’m missing something. Is he staying somewhere else for some reason? This is why I hate going in fandom blind.
I see no reason for this page breaker here. They’re supposed to be for changes in setting, time, or POV and I see none of that there. Probably best scrap that one.
So, wait how will his breathing get pins and needles all over the place? Are there just pins and needles lying all over the place and he’s huffing and puffing like the big bad wolf? Why is he breathing like that anyways?
Now they’re at a normal rate. I read through that quite a few times and have yet to see how he suddenly got better. Also, collateral damage to her employee? When exactly did that happen? I want to see that.
What is this doctor place or whatever in Peru? With is it so unbelievable that he had just drove there. Suspicion is cool with superheroes but the character needs an actual reason to be suspicious.
Oh look, not just breathing but shaking hands, dry mouth, and a headache. Seriously, what’s wrong with this guy? So here we are I guess, through the third section and I still have no idea what’s going on.
So, what did this child go through, don’t bring something up like that if you have no plans on explaining it. That gets extremely frustrating to readers. So Tony… Ironman… does what? Uses heavy metal to block the screaming out. Lovely. So this little girl mutilated the dolls because of whatever trauma she had gone through? Now I REALLY want to know what happened but you seem adamant against telling us.
Now I have officially finished the chapter and am no less confused. Clearly this chapter needs to be looked though and cleared up on some of the important clarifying details.
| Madam'zelleGiry chapter 5 . 3/23/2014
Interesting way of portraying Tony as a drunnk. Although I don't remember him being that combative of a drunk in the first Iron Man movie (granted, the only one that I've seen.) Seems a bit OoC to me, but YMMV, I guess. Still, Bruce definitely has his hands full here with everything going on. Makes me feel sorry for him, just because he's trying his best, and Tony doesn't seem to be receptive of the help at all. Not an easy position for either of them to be in at all. So much mutual angst. Even the caregiver gets tired sometimes.
"...of bourbon, glorious as it..." I would recommend splitting this into two sentences at the comma, since it's a run on sentence as is.
"...you've had enough." comma instead of period
"...such a kill joy..." should be "killjoy"
"... pulled back harder," period instead of comma
"...me, damn it." comma instead of period
"...get no where except..." should be "nowhere"
"...to poor the drink." should be "pour"
"...could think about" The perspective shift here in a little weird, and seems out of place, since you really don't focus on Tony's internal thoughts any other place in the chapter. I'd recommend keeping it all in one POV (Bruce's) for the chapter, unless you intend to take Tony's narrative and extend it. You really seem to have trouble keeping the POV straight throughout the story, so that's just something you really might want to look over and fix up.
"I wont be..." should be "won't"
"It was the following..." I'd suggest putting a line break of some sort across the page here, so that we know there's been a time jump.
Ah, good to see Nicola again and how she's trying to help on her end of the situation. I like her relationship with Bruce, and how she's able to lend some of her own expertise. The job of a psychiatrist is truly never done. Let's hope that they'll be able to come up with something that'll be able to help Tony out.
| celticank chapter 10 . 3/4/2014
| Tusjecht chapter 1 . 2/22/2014
I'm not too familiar with the Ironman-verse, so I won't comment on characterisation. Still, I found your work to be a pleasant read for the first chapter, if albeit dry in some places.
Dry, I mean to say in the sense that your writing style does well to describe the situation, but leaves little else for the imagination. Phrases like "Tony stared absentmindely," and "Tony mustered up the courage to go," communicate to me, the reader, Tony's thoughts and actions very effectively, but isn't as effective as letting his own actions and musings speak for himself. He could spin a pen in his fingers to express boredom, or stand up from a sitting position and let the reader read into his actions and make a conclusion. I understand that writing isn't your forte, so do practice with new styles to gain confidence.
Other parts I found wanting was your use of ellipses (the three full stops ...) to indicate pauses in speech. If a comma doesn't suffice, then I'd use a full stop, and no more than that for most situations. So the use of ellipses in dialogue such as "Dolls, drawings, soft toys, the works..." isn't appropriate, but "He...needs some space." is. And as for the former quote, it's where I'd use a full stop.
Last but not least, you make five scene changes here with not much to indicate the change of scene besides the line; perhaps a sentence or two describing when and where the character is question is will help smoothen the transition.
Otherwise, I take it that this is a good attempt, and I look forward to reviewing future stories from you. (:
| T. Alana M chapter 1 . 2/16/2014
For the RLT.
I liked this story very much. The idea is interesting, and it is a welcome change for Tony to act like the traumatized person he is, rather than the funny guy all the time. People tend to ignore that in the third movie, he was extremely traumatized, and would probably not start working together with Loki as a comedic duo any time soon. The portrayal of Tony Stark in a more serious situation is both refreshing and captivating, although somewhat depressing...
I recommend that you do more research on PTSD, though, because the story would have more impact if it was more descriptive. Apologies in advance for criticism that you might consider harsh or unfounded. :P
You can PM me if you find anything problematic. :)
The overall writing was great, but I think that there are some things that could be improved.
I'll set up a per-paragraph critique to be more thorough.
Paragraph 1: there should be a comma between possible and dreading. I also think that it would be better to have some form of transition before 'he'd wake'. Maybe something like 'he knew that' or 'it had been proven time and time again that he'd...'
Paragraph 2: I really liked the idea of the calm and collected Tony having flashbacks of his traumatic time almost-getting-nuked. I think 'figments' would work better than 'products', and 'the short duration that it lasted' could be deleted. It makes the sentence rather convoluted, and is redundant.
Paragraph 3: there should be a semi-colon between 'difficult[;]even' because it's a separate sentence. Or a transition would do. 'difficult[, for] even'
Paragraph 4: It would be better to start a completely new sentence before 'Amongst'; lengthening sentences make them more tiring to read and usually lessen the overall impact.
Paragraph 5: There shouldn't be a comma between 'thought' and 'that' seeing as the phrase was not finished yet. I also think that Tony would still start off with a smart comment, no matter how traumatized he is.
Paragraph 6: You could change 'with' with a comma.
Dialogue: "Thank you[,] Dr. Taylor."
Paragraph 7: She probably should have been more surprised at Tony's appearance; he did save Manhattan four times, and going with 'Iron man' or 'a billionaire' would probably be better than 'celebrity', seeing as he's not an actor or a singing sensation.
The rest need the same thing, basically. A better location for commas, better word choice, a bit more sassiness from Tony, and you're good to go.
The last line, though, seems a bit odd. JARVIS is an extremely formal AI. He wouldn't use incomplete sentences. Stopping it at "Of course, Dr. Banner." would be better. Or adding "I already am."
I hope this helped.
| avengurl chapter 3 . 2/4/2014
Hey there! I am so sorry for the late review, I got called for a performance when I thought I had the day off! Anyway, here's my review of Chapter 3!
I like how Bruce doesn't call the doctor after all, not wanting to disturb anyone else with Tony's medical problems so late at night. Everyone's responses to Tony still being unconscious were in character as well. Thor was completely normal about it, though, which I find humorous. Tony's reaction once up was totally in character, too. He's definitely a drinker and I like that you captured that.
The snark at the end from Tony was also nice. The change from Bruce to Tony and then back to Bruce's perspective though was sort of startling for me at least. I think you should have kept the chapter in one perspective since it was so short and to the point. I know you want to express Tony's whole process of dealing with what happened, but yeah.
Anyway, it was a nice and short chapter that was to the point and I'm sure it will lead into chapter 4!