|Reviews for Hellbound|
| Guest chapter 2 . 11/11/2014
I like it a lot. Keep up the good work!
| I'vebeenLOKI'Dyetagain chapter 4 . 1/9/2014
Again, I'm seriously enjoying Victor and James' brotherly relationship (I'm a sucker for bromance, if that wasn't already obvious) :) So my favorite part of this chapter was Victor freaking out when the guard slit James' throat, and then telling Stryker that if someone tries to kill his little brother he's going to fillet them like a fish - and also how they were fighting as a perfect team, just them against everyone else the way it always is with them. I'm guessing that they are really not liking taking shiit from authority here, and I'm kind of hoping they don't stand for it for too much longer...
And I love your portrayals of all the characters, actually - especially Remy. I don't know that much about him at the moment, but he's seriously cool in your story. And Wade is pretty funny XD
Although again you've been mixing up some homophones - for example in this chapter you used "leeks" which is a plant in the amaryllis family (similar to an onion) when the word you actually wanted was "leaks" one of the meanings of which is a disclosure of secret, especially official, information, as to the news media, by an unnamed source.
Also, I'm curious as to how James failed to run away in Africa...?
Anyways, I greatly look forward to seeing where you take this story! :) You will be continuing, right?
| I'vebeenLOKI'Dyetagain chapter 3 . 1/9/2014
I've only read one comic with Deadpool so far, but from what I gathered from that he seems pretty in-character!
Enjoying the story so far :)
| I'vebeenLOKI'Dyetagain chapter 1 . 1/9/2014
I wasn't too enchanted with the Wolverine Origins movie the first time I watched it. The second time was better. I'd had to return the movie to the library, and then just thinking about it I started thinking that liked it more, but I just checked it out again the other day because I figured I couldn't really form a complete opinion of it until I've watched it at least three times XD (I just recently got into this fandom and fell in love with Wolverine)
And well, I'll certainly continue reading this story, if that answers your other question ;3
I have a question though: how much faster does James heal than Victor? Is there like, a canon for the speed of their healing abilities?
And from what I've gathered, James heals faster but Victor is the better fighter...?
| Shezka Foxe chapter 4 . 9/2/2013
As the whole I really like the story. I like the interaction between the characters, especially between Victor and Logan. I think you're rewrite is MUCH better that the movie. In all honesty I could not stand the movie at all. It drove me insane. This version, while there are some details I personally don't like, I do enjoy this immensely.
It fits in very well with the characters finding out about mutants and wanting to help them out. Deadpool comes off perfectly, but also with a serious edge which is very refreshing considering how he can be nutz all the time. I also like how Gambit has come about pretty much ruling the whole place by cheating at cards.
| Shezka Foxe chapter 1 . 9/2/2013
Well damn, everything went off with a literal bang didn't it? I didn't really like Wolverine Origins myself. In the movie I thought it sucked they made Sabretooth Wolverine's brother (but then again I"m a die hard comics fan) but I like your new take on it.
This new Remy I'm not used too since he's younger, but I can definitely get to love him. Now I shall have a moment of silence for Logan's bike.
| Princess Unikitty chapter 4 . 8/9/2013
looks great so far.
| The Urban Spaceman chapter 4 . 8/4/2013
Good chapter. I liked the tension that was present through the fight scene, and how dangerous the brothers were even here. Your Logan is much less weighed down by the burden of command than mine, and it was nice to read such a (mostly) carefree Logan for a change.
The scenes didn't seem too disjointed to me; I thought the pacing was good, and going from a fight to a chewing-out left that tension hanging, but in a good way, as it makes the situation still feel very volatile.
Hope you update again soon. Following so that I get the notifications.
| The Urban Spaceman chapter 3 . 8/4/2013
Good chapter! I thought you captured Deadpool's voice very well,and I enjoyed the little monologue he had with his reflection; very typically Deadpool. I suspect things are going to go downhill for him from here :( If things do go the way I suspect, I might have to bail on your story for a while, until I've finished writing my Deadpool sequel, but if that happens at least I know I have your story to come back to after I'm done!
So, the mystery deepens. I like how you seem to be pairing the characters up a little, with Bradley confiding in John; different to how I've done it, but it really works. The strip-poker game was hee-larious, and overall I enjoyed the lighter tone of this chapter. I can sense some impending DOOOOM so I do think a little light-hearted fun is needed. Typical that Zero doesn't join in the fun, I thought.
Overall, great chapter, and some good interactions. Part of me wants to rush on and read your next chapter, but I think I'll save it for tomorrow as I'm feeling a bit review-drained at the moment. This way I'll have something to look forward to reading tomorrow, and can review with fresher eyes!
| The Urban Spaceman chapter 2 . 8/4/2013
Another good, solid chapter. Nice to finally see Bradley awake!
I thought there was a real nice mix of action and dialogue in this chapter, and I think you've done a good job on Gambit's dialect; I can really hear the cajun tones to his voice (probably helps that I'm reading it and mentally hearing the VA from the 90's X-Men cartoon).
One technical thing I'll mention before I forget; in sentences such as this one:
"Didn't you hear his brother, Doctor?" Stryker said, slapping Logan on the back, "This kid can take a hit."
There's no need to capitalise the t in "This" as it is a continuation of the previous dialogue despite the question mark which seemingly separates the two parts of the sentence. Other than that, just a couple of typos which could be picked up with a final proof-read, but not bad for somebody who's battled the dreaded dyslexia beast, and better than a lot of what I've seen on .
I think the changes you've made are interesting and have potential; not too jarring, and I'm eager to continue and see what else you've done.
| The Urban Spaceman chapter 1 . 8/4/2013
Good start so far! I like how you started out with immediate action and chaos, and then had the team reacting to that. Sucks that Bradley got knocked out but I'm looking forward to reading some of your take on him in the next chapters.
I know you said this is AU, which allows for a little more artistic licence, but there were one or two little anachronisms which I struggle to get my head round and come to terms with. Just little things like Stryker being a colonel (he's a major during the events of Origins) and Logan, Victor and Wade having their code-names (in the film, Logan only gets his after meeting Kayla and hearing her Wolverine story, whilst Wade is commissioned 'Deadpool' when the experimentation begins, which does deviate somewhat from the comics). I would have preferred them to remain code-nameless, but hey, 'tis your story and I think once I've got it into my head, I'll be fine with it.
Additionally, I have to give you props for the Kwak. As the happy owner of a Kawasaki ER6 myself I always get fanpersonish when I see them appear in other works (like Max's Ninja in Dark Angel). That said, I do see Logan as more of a cruiser/chopper fan—I reckon he'd much prefer a Harley to a Kawi but I still thought it was a fun little bit that showed why Logan really loved that bike (saddest part of this chapter was seeing it blown up :()
I spotted a few little typos which your spellchecker probably didn't pick up because they're real words (steel instead of steal, sent instead of scent) and I mentally amended 'recognizant' to 'reconnaissance', and I think you meant Casablanca rather than Casa Blanka. These are pretty minor things, and I know most people wouldn't think twice about them, but they do interrupt the flow of a story for me (much like my info-dumps do for you) as when I find incorrect words or typos, my inner-editor stops me and has a full-blown conversation with me about how it should be. Anal, I know, but I haven't found an off-switch for it yet. I think with a bit of spit and polish (maybe a final proof-read with the aim of catching these things in mind) you could make it technically perfect.
Your dialogue was really good, very easy to follow, and it seemed to flow very well. Glad to see you don't make the mistake a lot of writers do, in either adding "he said/she said" to every single line, or leaving it so vague that you can't tell which character is speaking. I do appreciate a story that explains itself, and doesn't leave me wondering who the hell's having a conversation.
On Deadpool & Zero; Interesting to see you made Wade human. This is far more in-keeping with the comics, and I'm looking forward to seeing where you go with that. Will he get cancer and offer himself up for an experimental cure, to become the mutate Deadpool as we know him? Or do you have another fate in mind? As for Zero, I agree that it's pretty much nothing like the Maverick from the comics. I touch on a tiny aspect of his history in my own chapter 4, but don't elaborate on it as I didn't have chance, so I'm looking forward to seeing where you take him in your story.
| Jeanniebird chapter 3 . 5/29/2013
Why aren't you getting more reviews for this? The story surely deserves more. Don't let the missing feedback drag you down, I would hate to see this story end on a graveyard unfinished.
Well, I don't think that's quite the comic Deadpool but I think you captured Ryan Renolds Deadpool very well, I like it.
Hehe, I can see the Remy doing just that. Funny that he is cheating under the two best noses in the entire base. Apparently he and Remy settled on something like a truce?
Both Wade and Bradley appear to be sick, that can't be good. Just the flu or something worse? I put my money on something worse...
Well, they apparently gave Viper the powers of a snake (not Husks powers as I first assumed) Not sure how I feel about that, I'm trying not to judge the movie before I've seen it. I try to keep my excitment down to spare me a disappointment, but I'm doing very well in that department.
PS: I saw your drawing 'Spring Awakening and I think it's awesome. You captured Wolverine's expression I had in mind myself so well, it's amazing!
| Jeanniebird chapter 1 . 5/11/2013
Oh, you better not get me started on Wolverine Origins, too many plot holes and Weapon X were a bunch of sissys compaired to the comics. I hate the bullet thing as well, a bullet (even an Adamantium one) would ricochet when hitting and indestructable skull. Plus it makes no sense medically...
Okay I didn't want to go there, but I just did, you where asking for it! :)
Anyway, think that this is definitely worth a rewrite, because the source material is great, I generally like Team X and BWS Weapon X, so go for it.
As for the chapter itself, it is very intriguring. I like the dynamic in the team. You captured that very well. Moreover you are great at writing fighting scenes, I loved the confrontation with Gambit. I hope the guy survived the explosion, I really want more of him.
To sum up, this is an awesome start and you should definitely continue, it's a zillion times better than Wolverine Origins :)