|Reviews for A new begining|
| Nicole chapter 5 . 9/8/2013
Please update soon, I really love this story! Keep up the good work! :D
| ChantalXavier chapter 5 . 8/11/2013
I like it! I hope it will be a bonesXsky story by the way ;)
| HeyItsTaylor chapter 5 . 7/15/2013
OOO! They found out! Update soon!
Just a little word of advice, just run through spellcheck! Otherwise it's not bad at all I thoroughly enjoy this story! :)
| waikiki23 chapter 4 . 5/28/2013
So loving your story so far. Please update soon!
| HeyItsTaylor chapter 3 . 5/28/2013
It has potential but I would suggest getting a beta or at least running this through spell check. It's hard to read when there are so many grammar mistakes.
But don't worry! I am saying it takes away from your writing which is not bad but it needs more plot your story! Like what planet were they on for the jellyfish. Why is she on the enterprise?
I could help you out with a plot and help you edit this if you want just PM me. With some work this could be a great story! :)
| Zoe chapter 3 . 5/19/2013
Awesome! Keep updating soon! Can you bring spock into it more?
| Guest chapter 2 . 5/15/2013
| ButterflyFirefly chapter 2 . 5/13/2013
This is awesome! Are you gonna have spock find out about the scars? It would be an interesting perspective from him.
| BlueNeutrino chapter 2 . 5/13/2013
Hmm, the story itelf isn't bad, but the writing's a little off. It's cliched and your writing is inconsistent, to say the least, but you aren't hugely off mark on your characterisations. What it lacks is a plot, or just some kind of context as to when these events are taking place, or a little bit of background info on Sky. She's just kind of sprung on us out of nowhere and we're expected to just accept that she has this kind of relationship with the canon characters without actually really seeing it develop. There are parts when it looks like she's going to have significant interactions with other characters that would help flesh her out a bit more, but then it gets cut short. There's potential here, but you don't really get fully inside Sky's head or that of other characters to properly understand how they feel about each other yet. I get not wanting to do it all straight away, but there was room for it here that would have benefitted the story rather than slowing it down. Even if you don't tell us everything immediately, just showing Sky interacting with others a little more or maybe having a moment of reflection would help us get a sense of what she's like.
Your writing itself is all over the place. Parts of it seem nicely formulated, but badly punctuated. Other parts seem like they would be fine if only you'd used a spellchecker. I'd definitely recommend getting a beta reader, and also stop the POV switching because it disrupts the flow of the story, and I notice you yourself seemed to have switched to third person when it's supposed to be first person because you couldn't keep track. This is why you need to proof read.
The plot also needs clarifying a bit more, because the narration is a little fuzzy and rushed so I'm not too sure what's going on all the time, and there isn't much of a plot besides "girl gets stung by jellyfish". Something a bit more structured and purposeful would be nice, considering it's a Star Trek fic. What was this planet they were on in the first place? What were they doing there? Did they have a mission besides just taking a trip to the beach? You don't have to give it all away in one go, but at least give it more direction, because if the romance is the only thing you're going to focus on without anything to support it, the story will be pretty bland. Sky will only develop as a character if you show her overcoming challenges and give us a reason to like her.
As for who she should be with, you could pair her with Scotty's little alien sidekick for all I care, as long you develop her personality such that there's something about her that's compatible with other characters, because at the moment she's a little flat. Let us see more of how she acts and why Spock should be particularly concerned about her, or why McCoy should care about her in a capacity as more than his patient, and based on that, pair her up with whichever makes most sense to you. Make the logical choice, I suppose.
| ButterflyFirefly chapter 1 . 5/12/2013
It was very well written and good! I just wish you'd make another chapter!