|Reviews for Doctor Who: Descent Into Madness, Part I|
| A Bean chapter 10 . 7/5/2015
Wow! This is actually really good. I love the way you set it up just like a Classic Who Episode with the same start and end to the story! I also love the Seventh Doctor; he's one of my favorites. I love the way you portray him in the story- like a majestic Lord of Time that Time Lords really think they are. It's very well written out. Wonderful job, 10/10.
| Starburst16 chapter 10 . 6/4/2014
Von Skittles, my friend, you speak my language! If only yhere were a Doctor Whooves / Alice in Wonderland crossover somewhere (Which, BTW, I am writing). A toast to Whovian-Brony/Pegasisters-Wonderlanders everywhere!
| aronpuma chapter 1 . 11/21/2013
I love the narrative voice, I think it is often neglected in stories on this site, so it's great to see it here.
| saess chapter 10 . 8/3/2013
Aaaand now I understand what I was reading earlier.
| saess chapter 9 . 8/3/2013
Every time someone mentions a Wonderlandian king I think about the tiny short man from the cartoon. Can't help it, it's burned into my head.
| saess chapter 8 . 8/3/2013
Not too much of a Sylvester Mc Coy fangirl and yet he's still pretty awesome, even here. :D
| saess chapter 7 . 8/3/2013
Tulgey Woods always gave me the creeps when I was a little kid. Although everything else about Wonderland I blissfully adored. Which may or may not have creeped out others.
| saess chapter 6 . 8/3/2013
It feels so weirdly good reading a Doctor Who'd Wonderland fic.
| saess chapter 5 . 8/3/2013
Bored, bored, bored, bored...bored.
You said it.
| saess chapter 4 . 8/3/2013
| saess chapter 3 . 8/3/2013
Love how you've written for the Queen. So creepily yet blissfully insane. XD
| saess chapter 2 . 8/3/2013
This is why I need to read books before sequels. -.- Silly me.
| saess chapter 1 . 8/3/2013
Yay for umbrellas! :D
| Niphuria chapter 2 . 6/6/2013
First, the minor things that I felt as I read -
This popped out at me as a reader -
- ...came up behind him, and made to lean on the control booth.
I don't think I've ever heard of a control 'booth' but rather, a panel. Truly, tho, has the new TARDIS been redesigned? It was always a rather flat panel. If it has changed design, ignore me! As a reader of this, and being familiar with Who, albeit Classic, I automatically think of the TARDIS police box shape as the "booth" and it throws my mind to that when I read.
...slamming the console and yelling seemingly into thin air.
To me that sounds like he's slamming the console onto something, or against the wall. Would it be better say that he slammed "his fists" or something like that onto the console?
- "I don't understand," he mumbled. "The TARDIS usually doesn't take this long to analyze a location."
I am wondering as I read that if the Doctor really means "analyze" in the sense of determining what the conditions are of the location there are currently in, or rather, does you mean something more like "identifying" a location, which would mean that the TARDIS does not yet know WHERE they are? Maybe it's nothing, but that jumped out at me as read and I had to stop and wonder if that was the right word.
This also sounds weird to me -
...pacing impatiently around the control board.
That sounds awfully odd. I sort of cringed when I read that (just a reader's reaction!) because it felt to me more like something a younger writer or teen would write.
THIS I LOVED! :D
"Everything's insane here..." the Doctor whispered, more to himself than Ace, his eyes vacant in expression. WONDERFUL!
- "Nothing, nothing," the Doctor said softly, shaking his head fast.
Again, the wording just sounds funny to me, "shaking his head fast." I couldn't help but pause and think, "Wouldn't 'rapidly' suit this sentence more?" But this is REALLY minor, and doesn't jar me out of the story.
I really enjoyed this chapter! I now feel that I am knowing this Doctor better just by the gestures he uses and his careful choice of words to Ace. The banter about "right, or yeah, right" is priceless and, of course, fitting!
I do adore her pet name of "Professor", too. Nice quirk, that she has! You use it in all the right places to gradually continue to "introduce" her to we noobies to her, and a nice sense of nostalgia to readers who already know her.
As readers, we know that Ace isn't going to stay behind as the Doctor ordered her to, but she is so endearing that not only do we expect her to go, we WANT her to go. You've captured that feeling perfectly here. And, to be honest, long, long, ago, when I first saw pics of Ace when she was new, I didn't know if I would ever take to her. There have been Companions I did not care for, but not many. She just looked too...I don't know, too much like the writers were trying to foist a more modern Leela on us. But you are making me see her as probably a very enjoyable Companion that I missed out on when, due to RL, I had to fall away from the Series.
Besides that, you've left an intriguing ending to an equally intriguing chapter. It's not often that I recall the Doctor, ANY incarnation, be concerned about where he is, let alone worried and frustrated. This is a lovely change of pace and a nice and easy gliding into...heh...Underland?
I am continuing to do my best to tell you, as I read, what jumps out oddly. Just those few things above do. The rest feels seamless and right to me. The story is flowing nicely. Not hurried, not stumbling, and certainly NEVER boring. Your breaking points are, imo, perfect so far. :)
| Niphuria chapter 1 . 6/4/2013
Gods, please don't kill me! I love this! But the following are just my nitpicks that may or may not be appropriate. I'm just giving my impressions. Unfortunately, some are the wording!
I'm no language expert, but the very first sentence has the word "till." Tho I believe it is now considered a correct spelling, it still tossed me out of the story. I grew up with 'til, which indicated a shortened form of "until" with the " ' " indicating to the reader that a letter or two is missing. The very first thing that popped into my mind, even tho you are describing a mental journey, was a reference to farming. I could not help but stop at that very word and wonder if "till" in the context you used was correct! I actually Googled it to be certain.
But since that is only a matter of opinion nowadays, feel free to ignore me on that one. :)
Second sentence, this part - everything that has been and everything that will come to be.
This is fine, but my imagination automatically suggested that the last few word be "and everything that will be" as a continuation of the previous "that has been." It could be just me, but the "that will come to be" seemed a tad wordy. IMO, what you have is fine, but I think "that will be" flows more smoothly. Sort of a "less is more" of words.
Then - spinning like a gyroscope as it pierces through the vortex.
Lovely, but "pierces through" is redundant, imo. I personally think "pierces the vortex" would be better.
- The control room itself is held by four large arches meeting together
Again, that is fine, but the word "held" jumped out at me as not being quite the right word, unless it is somehow Whovian or AiWian. Supported? Cradled? Not certain, but "held" leaped out at me and threw me a tad out of the pleasure of the description.
- might be looked upon as some act of sorcery by species much like our own
- by "a" species?
- I also would prefer "wondrous machine" but "wonderful" works well. My humble opinion prefers wondrous, because it somehow seems...well...more wonderful! But again, a matter of personal taste. :)
- A fob watch was hooked onto his lapel, snuggly placed settled in his left breast pocket.
- As I know it, "snugly" is appropriate to use for "a tight fit" while "snuggly" is closer to being "snuggled" by someone. Like a "snuggly" little teddy bear. Right? Or not? Or, does your use of "snuggly" imply that the doctor has a snug fit and is also snuggly, so that snuggly fit better? Lol! I can see that being a possibility!
- However, some found this creed of unacceptable
s/b "creed unacceptable."
- He has fought these creatures with the weapon of wit and sheer intellect
Perhaps s/b "weapons" as you have two such weapons following, wit AND sheer intellect.
Goodness, I hate being a "word Nazi!" But I throw in my views because they may help. If others don't see what I do, then it's fine to ignore me. But if they read it as I did and feel jarred once in awhile, then perhaps small tweaks are indeed in order
Now, nitpicks aside (grin) this was a great opening chapter. I am not familiar with McCoy as the Doctor and have only seen photos of him and of Ace. This chapter did a great job in introducing them to me without overt wordiness, and, thru almost speech alone, the personalities of the two. I am pleased that this story seems like it will stand on its own even to those unfamiliar with this particular pairing.
I enjoyed the fantastic opening drawing the reader into this fantastical adventure and neatly and tidily giving us glimpses of the personalities of the Doctor and Ace. I do not feel lost and I can see this easily being an actual episode of the show. Well done!
The following are basically memories and how "the Doctor always stands for right" sentence brought back both the justice and the doubt of that statement. I actually am pleased at the flashbacks I've experienced in my own, and possibly fallible, memory. But some instances I remember clearly.
As for the Knight in Shining Armour Doctor some people recall, I also recall when he was not such a shining knight. Well, he usually is, but sometimes the Doctor did not behave in the best interests of the Earth people or others he encounters. Sometimes it was unwittingly, sometimes not.
I know this is an aside not really pertinent, but I recall the Silurians and of the 3rd Doctor insisting that the Earth could be shared by them and the humans. It was obvious that was not the case, and I think the Doctor realised this altho he acted in the hope that it was not so, and the Brigadier ended up acting in the "right" for the people of Earth by sealing them off and thwarting the Doctor's efforts to free the Silurians and unwittingly unleashing them upon humanity.
Also, the original Doctor, Bill Hartnell, who was believed would be the one and only Doctor at the time, not infrequently behaved and exuded a firm and confident "the ends justify the means" manner. After all, in the Pilot, he was about to smash in a caveman's skull with a large rock to make things easier for himself, his grand-daughter, Ian and Barbara. Ian was the one who stopped him, pointing out that the caveman was unconscious and not a threat.
Also, the Doctor used an Aztec's woman's affections for him to use her in his own aims and self-preservation without care of her later hurt and callous betrayal by him.
And was it "right" of him to decide FOR Susan to abandon her to the Freedom Fighters world? She begged to continue on with him and he shut the door on her, forcing his own decision on her regardless of her true wishes and the way she wanted to live her own life - and with whom.
I'm sure there are other examples, but overall, yes, he fights for what he perceives as Right. Wait, doesn't McCoy's Doctor end up manipulating Ace all along in his future plans for her to turn out as he wants her to? Doesn't he ignore her free will in lieu of his own view of what should happen later that intimately involves her?
The Doctor usually stands for right, but he can, and is, as flawed as the rest of us. :)
With some trepidation, I now hit the "Post Review" button. :D