|Reviews for Safe From Me|
| Catherine Rain chapter 1 . 3/24/2003
1) "he was not sure he felt such feelings for her."
That's a bit redundant.. How about "had such feelings?" ;; (I do this kind of thing all the time... bleah...)
2) "Still, he had difficulty assessing the situation in a non-objective way."
"In a subjective way" would be easier to parse, here (or simply "subjectively.") Since "having difficulty" is a sort of negation, you have to think about this sentence to know what it means, but if you said "subjective," it would be easier on the reader's thought processes (always a good thing, unless you have a particular reason to do it a more complicated way.)
3) Despite my two criticisms of this same paragraph, I really liked the way you put it at the end... how he had almost convinced himself, but couldn't deny the truth.
4) "Adieu, Kasumi. Ta ta, fare thee well. Sorry, I can't stay to chat- see this rune on my hand? It might eat you. No…of course none of those would work. They were trite, black humor, and just prompted bitter laughs."
Yes, that was exactly my reaction to it as well. ;
5) "Sometimes he thought he might return Kasumi’s feelings—but did he really love her, or was it just that the idea of loving someone was so appealing?"
Wow, I totally relate...
6) "Endless cascades of water shimmered over the statue of the late Empress Claudia, immortalized as the golden angel of the golden city."
A! Is it REALLY Claudia? I never noticed! O_o; I thought it was just a random angel... I never stopped to note whether it resembled Windy... *Does* it resemble her, or is this just something you added to make it interesting?
7) What is it with Suikoden and pigeon metaphors? Oh, and I like how Endrey laughed at himself for using it as a metaphor, even though by doing so, he actually did. I always want to smack myself for taking things too metaphorically, because I KNOW my brain goes so deep into such channels that the average person wouldn't know what I was talking about unless I explained it.
Also, I used to chase pigeons all the time as a kid, so it just amuses me in general.
8) "You’ve led men into battle, Endrey. You’ve looked death and danger in the face. Surely, you can do this."
But it's so different! And maybe just as scary. That's why people equate "love and war."
9) "you don’t even think of what you’re saying, because you’ve already forgiven me. Because you honestly believe I can’t do anything wrong—is that it? You’re too hard on yourself, Kasumi."
Ah, but I know just how that feels... when you feel that way about someone, you can't blame them for anything!
However, you should have capitalized "you" in this sentence. ;
10) "“I’m sorry I don’t love you.”"
AAH! *cringes* Ouch...
"Well, that was the direct approach. Way to go. Here’s your awkward silence."
11) "He waved his right hand limply, but pointedly."
I'm not exactly sure what he did... I'm imagining this gesture that looks like he learned it from Milich. ;; I see what you were getting at, but would like a more precise description so that I don't imagine something silly. P
12) "“Ninja Kasumi, as your former commander, I order you not to be sorry,” he said gruffly, putting on a stern face."
This is great. Fixes the mood so well. (All they need, now, is to apologize for apologizing...)
13) "Perhaps in the distant future, a campfire blazed at the base of a sandy hill."
I think it would be better if you definitively told us that it was in the distant future, because obviously it was. ;;
Ah! Poor Endrey, poor Kasumi, poor everyone~! *twitches*
| Kadessa chapter 1 . 9/10/2002
I must say that this is a magnificent work of fiction. It was beautifully sad.. yet somehow peaceful at the same time. Truly lovely writing.
| mizo ai no shi chapter 1 . 9/2/2002
This is a wonderful story, but it's just so sad! I hope you write more stories like this soon!
| Skyra chapter 1 . 8/30/2002
Wow ... this was great. It was so sad, but sweet ... keep writing!
| Spooky Fyre chapter 1 . 8/26/2002
Oh that's so sweet. I don't mind if it's in the weird mid-game limbo. Great stories are always aloud to do that.
| E. Feather chapter 1 . 8/26/2002
wuaaah~! hik hik sob~...what a sad sad story... i must say this is extremely well-written! i am a mcdohl/kasumi fan and i would love it if they had been together, but u made this story go very naturally...good work! hope to read more of ur work next time!
| Heather chapter 1 . 8/25/2002
when i read Safe From Me i got that terrible feeling behind my eyes of wanting to cry. Something in what you wrote nudged what lies beneath my conscious self and made it want to shed a tear or two in recognition for the characters' emotions.
| ShiningWind chapter 1 . 8/24/2002
this was so sad, though it was a happier version than some other fics based on this same scene. the characters seem right, even though the main character never talks. the last scene was a great way to end this story. keep writing!