Reviews for Bite Me
annahudsonnz chapter 1 . 8/22/2014
Great start!
Cordelia was always my favorite Buffy character and I think you've really captured her and the other characters well. I like that you have used lots of dialogue to tell the story.
Anna chapter 1 . 8/16/2014
Great start!
Cordelia was always my favorite Buffy character and I think you've really captured her and the other characters well. I like that you have used lots of dialogue to tell the story.
Alkeni chapter 9 . 10/23/2013
I hope you get back to this soon. Its very good.
Joe chapter 9 . 9/10/2013
Good story was a little interesting how you kept some things but changed others, I was expecting Cordelia to get other lines than Buffy got more frequently however adding Buffy as Darla's lead was a twist as well as so far Jesse being human.
Looking forward to pairing hoping it'll be Xander/Cordelia but you seem more towards Angel/Cordelia.
Hope you update soon its a good story.
Coldstar84 chapter 1 . 8/16/2013
Absolutely love it. The reveal of Drusilla at the end of Chapter 9 was a complete surprise. I can't wait to read the next chapter. I also want to congratulate you on finding the voices of the characters. As I was reading it, I could almost hear the actors speaking the lines. One of the best pieces of Buffy fan fiction I've read in years.

I would love it at some point in the near future if you wrote an AU season 1 rewrite of the episode "Angel" using the same characters etc.

Look forward to reading the next chapter.
Jeremy Shane chapter 9 . 7/29/2013
Great Chapter & More Please
fullhans1 chapter 9 . 7/28/2013
Good chapter.
Sw0rd Slinger chapter 6 . 7/8/2013
Hi there,

I just finished reading through to Chapter 6 of “Bite Me”. First of all, I want to say that other than some minor things, that may or may not be cultural, it is very well written. You have defiantly captured Cordelia ’s personality—but remember, even in season 1 there was more to her than what we saw. This may just be the memories of a then hormonal-twelve-year-old talking but I could have sworn that Cordelia seemed to know more than she let on. But who knows?

Anyway, back to the review. One thing I can defiantly say you need to work on is this: Unless you are using First Person POV please do not narrate with “I”. Also, when you write a scene, pick a character to follow and stick with them. Switching between perspectives—especially in the same sentence—acts sort of like a speed bump that slows and disengages readers. It’s really not that big a problem.

The “roaming” or “wandering” POV is called Second Person Perspective. 2nd person is rarely brought up because it is easily mistaken for third person. The difference is that third person is “fixed” to a certain character’s POV for the entirety of the scene. If need-be it’s alright to break and rewrite the same scene from a new perspective—just don’t go overboard and write the same scene from ten different POV’s. Like everything else, there is an exception to the rule of not changing POV in the same scene. And that is shifting to a new character when the original leaves the scene. As an example of this, we the audience could follow Xander into the library but stay with Willow when he leaves to get a snack or something. (I won’t harp on this, because I tend have a wandering POV from time to time as well.)
Grammar is a difficult animal to tackle. But the best advice I ever heard was that it was okay to be wrong if that was the intent. As far as I can tell you’ve done an excellent job—barring a few missing words and/or possible typos.

As I said before watch out for British term creeping in. It’s alright to use them when the story is following Giles’ or later Spike’s POV. And something else occurred to me: Also watch out for modern terms and slang. I don’t remember the “neg” and “pos” portion of the locker room scene, so I can’t accurately judge that. ::Imitating Giles:: I’ll have to consult my DVDs.
Although you haven’t gone off the deep end of it yet, I would suggest you keep a tight rein on the swearing, and moderate it to correspond with each character’s personality. I have seen several fics that were ruined because characters like Willow suddenly develop an almost addictive use of the F-bomb and other profanities for no other reason than “artistic license”. Typically, I use the levels of foul language from the show as well as a character’s personality to determine what would be acceptable. Spike I can see dropping the F-bomb (he does it in the show anyway, only he says it in British so the sensors let it go), but not Willow—I can see her using mild expletives as Dark Willow. Also, take into account HOW a character swears. You can swear up and down all day and not be profane—it may not seem like it, but every time Giles says “Oh good Lord”, he’s swearing. If you like we can discuss this more in-depth in PMs.

One last thing: Remember that you’re writing an AU and because of that things WILL change regardless of how small, unimportant, or irrelevant they may seem. For example, Amy could become a member of the scoobies. Or Aura and Harmony. Or Oz may not get bitten by his cousin. Principal Fluty might not get eaten. Kendra and Faith may not be called. Miss Calendar could die from something else. Spike may get staked his first night in Sunnydale. Xander may not become the “Zeppo”. Costumes for Halloween may be very different. Larry may not be gay. Glorry may be a redhead. There is no end to the changes that can be wrought because Cordelia is now the Slayer. I mentioned this because I’m sick of reading AU’s that change everything, but don’t really change anything—what I mean is most authors don’t fully examine the ramifications of their changes and focus only on what they think will directly affect the original storyline or where their own may lead because of it. Some will change something in one episode, then skip seven or more and throw up a previously on… that reads more like a synopsis with a list of changes to the timeline. Others change so much that they are no longer Buffy; I read one that gave Xander superpowers, put him front and center, then wiped out his two most important character building episodes, and morphed from Buffy the Vampire Slayer into Xander: Savior of Man. And all the while he used a AN that translated as a week, sniveling “But this is how Buffy was supposed to be…”

Sorry for the mini-rant. But it galls me to no end when writers with poor story concepts justify them with even poorer excuses.

Other than some nitpicks and whatnot, there’s not a lot more for me to say.

As for who I think the “dark-haired vamp” is—I say it’s an OC; it can’t be Dawn because she would be Cordelia’s sister. Also if you’re going to use Dawn you had better throw her in fast, because as I understood how the spell the monks cast works, Dawn was in seasons 1 to 3 but the show was so focused on Buffy that we never really saw her. (Support for this theory exists in the fact that Dawn was to be featured in the planed “Buffy the animated series”, which was to be set during seasons 1 to 3, of the original Buffy.)

Well that’s all for now.

Signed: Sw0rd Slinger
fullhans1 chapter 8 . 7/8/2013
Good chapter.
KittiesOfEvil chapter 7 . 6/30/2013
Good chapter. If you decide to go oc for a 4th I would do someone completely opposite cordy not one of the former cordettes. I don't know you could bring Oz in earlier or maybe Amy or Marcy could join. Maybe Amy never did the rat thing and ended up being the big magic user instead of Willow. I missed her being the geeky hacker later on. Why wasn't being a super smart kick ass hacker chick cool enough?
fullhans1 chapter 7 . 6/29/2013
Good chapter. If you're looking for someone to take over Cordy's old position... I think Harmony could do that. lol
fullhans1 chapter 6 . 6/20/2013
Good chapter. I have no idea who the dark haired vampire might be. lol
LivingInTheClouds chapter 6 . 6/20/2013
It couldn't be Dawn, right? She doesn't exist yet!
Ltlconf chapter 6 . 6/19/2013
Howdy!

Nice story.
Go OC on the brunette vamp as I'm sooo looking forward to Faith interacting with Cordelia as a fellow Slayer. So different yet so alike as well. More so than with Buffy.
Cordelia is an athletic girl with stamina, precision, and always learner a move after only seeing it once...and that was before she was a Slayer! You showed the tenacity and toughness of Cordelia. Good show on that!

The Cracker
Chi Vayne chapter 6 . 6/19/2013
Maybe the dark haired vampire is Jenny Calendar?
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