|Reviews for Like a mirror|
| Toki Asamia chapter 78 . 6/2
I feel a shudder just thinking of Heimdall watching Tony and Loki having sex. Creepy! As for the rest, again, interlude feeling. But, Tony, you kinda asked for tip in the balance just reached, didn't you?
Well, I got side tracked. Corrections!
'[...], because he knew too well and for personal experience how stubborn Stark was.' Make that 'from personal experience'.
'[...], when he used to walking around mute and almost lifeless like a ghost.' It should be 'walk'.
'Loki gave his back to the wall [...]' I would say 'turned his back', sounds better.
'[...] and instead he reached his bed.' A bit jumbled: '[...] and went to his bed instead.'
'[...], lifting one hand to let his magic collecting in his fingertips, [...]' Rephrase that maybe like the following: '[...], lifting one hand to let his magic gather at his fingertips, [...]'
| Toki Asamia chapter 77 . 6/2
Next one up:
'[...] he didn't have any difficult in recognizing it.' That should be 'difficulty'.
'[...] and then returned laying on the bed, [...]' Insert a 'to' in front of 'laying'.
'[...] a threat that could destroy the universe whole.' Hm, I suggest 'entirely' or in its entirety' instead of 'whole'.
'Fury and I agreed to a truce for a few hours [...]' Make that 'on a truce'.
'I didn't want to keep it to you, [...]' Maybe 'I didn't want to keep it from you, [...]'?
And that's it! Great work! Now, let's see:
Whoah there! Thor actually thinking of killing Loki in the end? That is kinda scary! I hope Frigga will have something against that - have I mentioned that I love Frigga? Somehow I like to think that Loki was always her favorite son even though adopted. And yes, I agree with Thor that maybe part of Loki never came back from the void. I just hope that Tony can help him either remember or to evolve into someone exceptional in every way and not just some maniac.
So, Phil. :) Oh, Canada!
| Toki Asamia chapter 76 . 6/2
Next chapter here we go! As always, corrections first:
'[...], given how the window where he had broken the spell was still showing the New York's sky.' I'd leave out the 'the' before New York.
'[...], Loki couldn't avoid looking at his body in the exact point where he had been wounded, [...]' Either '[...], Loki couldn't avoid looking at his body at the exact point where he had been wounded, [...]' or '[...], Loki couldn't avoid looking at the exact point of his body where he had been wounded, [...]'
'[...], muffling a pained moan when he felt a stab on his ass.' I'm pretty sure it should be 'in his ass'.
'[...] and the skin took some long, exhausting minutes to return unharmed.' Uhm, 'unharmed' seems wrong here. Either you rephrase it like 'to return to a state where it appeared unharmed' or just change the word entirely: 'to return to full integrity', 'to return to an unblemished state' or something along those lines.
'He passed one hand against his eyes, [...]' 'passed' should be 'pressed', right?
'The green of the god met his face with a resentful stare, [...]' Yeah, it works, but sounds weird. I'd change it to 'the god's eyes'.
'Loki laughed, returning abruptly the psychopathic god that loved [...]' I would put a 'to' before 'abruptly', just sounds smoother.
'[...], trying to put order in his thoughts.' I get the impression that some grammar in Italian is different from English (and very similar to German X) ). I toally understand what you say, but it would sound better like this: '[...], trying to put his thoughts into order.'
'[...] and the inclination towards the melodrama was a good idea [...]' Either 'towards the melodramatic' or 'towards melodrama'.
I can't tell you why the following rubs me the wrong way, it just does: [...]; however he had never been as less threatened as now.' I suggest rephrasing it: '[...]; however he had never been less threatening than now.'
'[...], so we can change our relationship from enemy to allies with benefits.' I loved that, by the way! I would just use the plural of 'enemy' since you use the plural of 'ally' as well.
'[...] and the concern the god had showed him [...]' That should be 'had shown him'.
Just a minor missing 'e' for 'breathe': '[...] his ability to breath [...]'
'Be careful to what you say, mortal.' Make that 'of what you say'.
'[...], showing startle with his only reaction and forcing soon after to relax, [...]' 'startle' is a good word but doesn't fit here. I can't suggest a perfeclty fitting one though. Maybe 'surprise'? My suggestion: '[...], showing surprise as his only reaction and forcing himselt to relax soon after, [...]'
'That not counting the corpses scattered around your living room.' Works, but I'd say 'That's not [...]' would be better.
Hm, just a question about the set-up: '[...] and -I really can't believe I'm the one saying this- we [...]' Usually you go like 'xxx - yyy - zzz'. This time around it's 'xxx -yyy- zzz'. Is that on purpose?
Wow, those are one hell of a lot of corrections, or rather suggestions... Don't kill me now! I truly mean well!
Anyways, this chapter had the feeling of "inbetween" written all over it. I can't decide whether I like that breather or not, but I have to admit I loved the picture of Loki punshing the door. I can picture that perfectly in my mind and it's rather beautiful. And thanks, Tony, for standing up to Loki, even though he's still a bitch about feelings.
| Toki Asamia chapter 75 . 6/1
Last chapter for today, let's hope there will be more not too long in the future! I'm just like 20 chapter behind and in serious need to catch up. Anyways!
'[...] and his regular breathing reassured her on the fact he wasn't having nightmares.' I'd say it's 'of the fact'.
'[...], while taking the glasses the AI had been so thoughtful to have bring him.' Either 'to be bringing him' or 'to have brought him'.
'But better than I ever hope I could be.' Make that 'hoped'.
“He'll help me looking for Tony.” Just 'look for Tony'.
'[...], but between the fear and the shock that were fighting for dominating his expression, [..]' It should be a noun in there: 'dominance'.
'Clint hazard a pat on his shoulder.' Past tense: 'hazarded'.
'Not the time to play modesty, Doc. Steve wouldn't have made it without your helpt and Thor... ' The following would be better: 'Not the time to play modest, Doc. Steve wouldn't have made it without your help and Thor... '
I really don't know what you want to say precisely in this one: 'The know in her throat threatened to break her voice.' Maybe you mean 'knot' instead of 'know'?
'[...], but she smiled anyway, Her gaze ran towards the other Avenger, [...]' Make that: '[...], but she smiled anyway. Her gaze shifted towards the other Avenger, [...]'
Okay! I totally forgot about that whole disaster of that confrontation. Somehow I gotta say I'm glad you waited to put a chapter like this in until the whole Loki/Tony story was at a point where I wasn't about to kill you due to a cliffhanger. You know, I can see Pepper as the chaperon of the Avengers. And yes, don't put her into the fight, let her have the fights in the background where she's better than anyone else except maybe Tony.
Now, until next time! And thanks for the hint with AO3! It's so much more relaxing doing the corrections now!
| Toki Asamia chapter 74 . 6/1
Yeah, smut, what else is there to say? I gotta say, I liked the frame (if I may phrase it like that) you have put around this chapter: Tony realizes the entire surrounding scene just in the beginning and then again at the end. Both times he couldn't care less sue to Loki. I don't know if that was intentional, but it's a nice touch anyways.
Corrections! Not a lot and more things I kinda stumbled across?
[...], a triumph that wasn't only the narcissist satisfaction of having made even a god fallen for him.' I think this isn't wrong in any way, I would just rephrase it either like 'having even a god falling for him.' or 'having made even a god fall for him.'
Hm, I trying to figure out whether it should be 'Yinsen's and Pepper's voices', but I really don't know.
| Toki Asamia chapter 73 . 6/1
*shiver* But! more about that later! Corrections!
'Only you could be killed by chance, slaughtered by an enemy you had never seen before, only because you were in the wrong place at the wrong time.' I'd exchange 'had' with 'have'.
'[...], wheezing, broken sounds broke the silence.' I would use 'disturbed' instead of 'broke'.
'[...], while the holes left by the bullets became abyss.' Either 'an abyss' or 'abysses'.
'[...], but now another perception had interfered in his search for oblivion.' I get what you're saying, but it sounds better like this: '[...], but now another perception was interfering with his search for oblivion.'
'[...], if he had to believe to his eyes, [...]' Just leave out the second 'to'.
'Instead, he focused on taking a slow, regular breathing rhythm, [...]' I think 'focused on taking on a slow' is correct.
'[...] and all he could see were confused flash of the battle that didn't even reached his mind, [...]' Plural: 'flashes'. Oh, an just 'didn't even reach'. Don't ask me the tense...
'[...], while the staff of his enemy was sticking out his shoulder.' 'was sticking out of his shoulder' would be easier to understand.
'The god stopped his attempt to sitting up with one hand, [...]' I'd say 'to sit up'.
Oh, you have a ways of taking away my breath with your last sentences now. What is it about that? Thanks, Loki, for everything. I just dread his reaction to Tony's attempted and failed escape. Well, we shall see, won't we? :)
| Toki Asamia chapter 72 . 6/1
Here we are again:
'It will be sitting on your dead body that I shall bring my greetings to your master.' I'm not sure what is wrong with this one. I really can't tell, but something is off. Maybe like this? 'It will be sitting on your dead body that I shall bring as my greetings to your master.' Arg...
Same one here: 'His magic defended against the wave of dark magic that reached for him, he created a shield, and the Other's spell shattered against it without even making a crack.' Too long? too short? I offer this one: 'His magic defended him against the wave of dark magic that reached for him, creating a shield, and the Other's spell shattered against it without even making a crack.'
'[...], where the satisfaction of finding himself superior to an hated enemy was faltering, [...]'Just 'a hated enemy'.
I really enjoyed how Loki was unfocussed, always having Tony on his mind during the fight. The funny thing is that he always uses Tony' last name and calls him his prisoner. He's way past that if we're honest. There are so many phrases I like but the following is my favorite:
Then he went deeper in the mortal's core and began another fight to take Stark's fate back into his hands.
It has something so determined, so possessive, yet somehow fragile about it... I simply really like it. Nice!
| Toki Asamia chapter 71 . 6/1
OH! MY! GOD! I found myself in your comment! You're amazing! Thank you so much!
So, then I must continue my "work" with my corrections:
'[...], if the wound he had inflicted him had been lethal.' Just insert a 'upon' in front of him.
Uhm, with the following there are two options for the meaning: 'An old enemy seeking revenge, his power so deep and dark that is a threat to all Asgard.' Either 'An old enemy seeking revenge, his power so deep and dark that he is a threat to all Asgard.' oder 'An old enemy seeking revenge, his power so deep and dark threatening all of Asgard.' Not really a big difference, so the choice is all yours. :)
'[...] and he couldn't do anything but watching, shocked at the unexpected consequences of his own plan.' I loved that whole part! So just change 'watching' inti 'watch'.
'[...] and there was Stark, there, but he still wasn't able to leave his mother.' What's the second 'there' doing there? X)
You use 'reign' at one point. Do you really mean that in the sense of 'regime'? Or should it rather be 'realm'?
'He managed to elbow an alien in full face and with a tug he was free again. He only managed to stand up, [...]' I suggest the following due to the fact that two times 'managed' is one too much: 'He managed to elbow the alien straight in the face and with a tug he was free again. He only accomplished to stand up, [...]'
I really like that entire sentence, no corrections there: 'This time he wasn't even able to scream, [...]' Just a question: There was never a comment about Tony screaming the first time around, was there?
Now! What the hell? If I had been reading this without the option to just skip to the next chapter I could have spewn every complain about cliffhangers there ever was! This? Tony! No! After “It seems I have no use for you anymore, mortal.” I did see that coming though. I really liked this chapter for some reason, especially the Tony part in it although Frigga has a special place in my heart.
| Toki Asamia chapter 70 . 6/1
I'm back! At least partially. ;) Anyways, no change in rhathm: Corretions first.
'He began attaching the components together, then he ripped off two cables from the lamps in the living room, hoping to finish the job before Loki returned and realized how he was changing for the worse the interior design of his house.' Yeah, okay, I suggest the following: 'He began attaching the components/He began putting the components together, then he ripped off two cables from the lamps in the living room, hoping to finish the job before Loki returned and realized how he was changing the interior design of his house for the worse.'
'[...], when his life was depending on a car battery and even a few drops of the water they tortured him with would be enough to kill him [...]' Just make that a 'would have been'.
'He had showed his Reactor to Loki – Loki, the psychopathic god that had made him sleep chained to the floor like an animal and that had been the reason the Avengers [...]' Gramatically correct would be this: 'He had showen his Reactor to Loki – Loki, the psychopathic god who had made him sleep chained to the floor like an animal and who had been the reason the Avengers [...]'
'After the first few moments when nothing happened, the air become suddenly heavy, giving him goosebumps.' That should be 'became'.
'[...], given how unexpectedly pleasant had been the god's company in the last few days.' Again, I think the word strukture could be changed: '[...], given how unexpectedly pleasant the god's company had been in the last few days.'
Now! The chapter? Let's just phrase Tony's thought at the end: Well, shit. And that pretty much sums it up. Nice to see Tony's mechanical genius working again.
| 8OrangeMatilda8 chapter 71 . 5/29
I am not sure if you are still writing or even in here. I just found your story yesterday and finished it today. I just wanted to say that I loved it. I loved it so much I stayed up way too late reading it lol. I really hope you write and post the sequel you promised! You did an amazing job with this one and I hope to read more!
| sami1010220 chapter 96 . 5/25
Absolutely fantastic! I hope hope hope that the sequel is finished!
| Kainka chapter 96 . 5/22
I love the story and the ending. I seriously consider this my favorite Frostiron fanfic. Great job ;)
| Teska chapter 96 . 5/20
BEST FROSTIRON FANFICTION EVER!
| Bhavie chapter 96 . 5/18
Where is the sequel
| kutoki chapter 96 . 5/17
I loved this story. This is one of my favorite Frostiron fanfics by far. I can't wait for the next one. Good luck on exams.