|Reviews for Smile|
| GillianDrake chapter 1 . 10/4/2015
This was really nice to read - really, really sweet _
| wineandwhiskey chapter 1 . 1/26/2014
Dawww so cute! and funny. great job!
| Guest chapter 1 . 11/30/2013
| SqueakyDolphin6 chapter 1 . 7/3/2013
Love it! Really, really love it! I wish DarcyXLoki was cannon. Sigh...
| bL00D pRINC3SS chapter 1 . 6/20/2013
I loved this! It's cute ]
| interiris chapter 1 . 5/28/2013
loved it -it was fluffy but hot
| Story.Lightning chapter 1 . 5/26/2013
I like it! I can't imagine Loki saying 'love' though, but all in all, pretty good!
| together25x3 chapter 1 . 5/26/2013
Love it! That was awesome!
| Plays in the Moonlight chapter 1 . 5/25/2013
Cute Loki Wishing i could read more :)
| Donna Lynn chapter 1 . 5/25/2013
Even though I like my stuff more graphic this was still great to read, loved it, well written.
| RhizOneill chapter 1 . 5/25/2013
Aww so cute.
| Whitelion69 chapter 1 . 5/25/2013
This is a very good one-shot.
| 3twhfangirl163 chapter 1 . 5/24/2013
Aww yea. Love
| Username Unknown chapter 1 . 5/24/2013
This was awesome! Thank you!
| Cindy Svensson chapter 1 . 5/24/2013
Here comes a essay ;)
Hi, I liked the prose, the way you described the room, how you conveyed their feelings. Spoken sentences need to be followed by a comma and small letter though. “blah blah,” she said, not She said. Also, perhaps don’t change character focus in the middle of a paragraph like in the third from the bottom, start a new one to make the reader ready for a possible change. It worked fine here, but in some works it turns confusing. Perhaps it’s best to nbot use that at all, and start new paragraphs when a new character has a thought?
I liked how Loki’s infatuation was described, showing his character, but there was a clear element of creepiness. I get that this was meant to be fluffy, but the dom/sub aspect in this story does reflect on a negative part of our man-dominated culture, since it seemed like neither character seemed to consider what happened was “creepy”.
Let me explain; Darcy said no. Darcy was scared. Loki meant to scare her. Darcy turned submissive quickly. The fear was brief, ending in playfulness, so this was no non-con story, and I don’t feel comfortable labelling it as too questionable. I just want to point out that this pattern is very common in supernatural romance, and how easy it is to write something like this without considering what can be read between the lines.
I assume Loki is a better person in your story than in the movies, time has passed after all, but that sort of evil is never completely cured. He wanted Darcy scared. He seemed to think he had the right to scare her. There’s a possibility that in the culture he grew up in, a prince could rape any unmarried woman and there’d be no fuss, maybe just frowns and a slap on the wrist.
Why didn’t Darcy consider this? Is she too naïve to remember Loki’s past? Or was there a deep trust between them? Was that why the fear disappeared or is Darcy really the kind of woman that doesn’t care too much about full consent, thinking a bit of manhandling is okay? And more so, is it realistic that a woman would relax that easily beneath a man she didn’t know is she should be scared of?
This is just food for thought. The story ends with playful struggling, no panic or fear. But Darcy’s attitude is something to think about.
To make it easier, I will quote the lines that made me a bit uncomfortable:
“He was hovering over her and for once in her life, Darcy was actually a little terrified.”
See, if this was me, even with someone I knew, I would be intimidated for a lot longer than three seconds. Specially if the throwing and hovering was followed by aggressive kissing(by a ex-massmurderer). That would probably make most women more scared. I’m not a expert in these sorts of situations though, it’s just my guess.
“Darcy tried to wriggle her way out from under the onslaught of tongue and teeth and lips but found that she was quite powerless to do so.”
So she stopped being scared, but is still struggling? Yet she was/felt powerless? And soon she will bury her face in his neck, seemingly giving in again? See, your use of words like struggle and onslaught and powerless is important, because it paints a picture of dominance and unwillingness.
“"But for now, you're mine." He growled in her ear.
Darcy didn't know whether to be excited or scared. She opted for the former.”
This now, this is definitely creepy. He had thrown her down, kissed her, she had struggled. And now he strongly implies that if she wants to get away, he might not let her. She seems to know this now, but chooses to not be afraid. Does she push the fear away? Does it evaporate completely? Or does she not take him seriously?
I hoped I would have shoved him away for real. I hope I would have said no on principle to make sure I wasn’t about to have sex with a man who wouldn’t stop if I said no.
But there are plenty of things in the story implying Loki was just playful, nothing else. It’s just the uncertainty that bothers me, the reflection of that “Man ‘convincing’ woman, woman gives in,” that is often celebrated in our culture. But I’m often told “No one else said there was any sexual consent issues, you’re overreacting”, by authors, and perhaps that’s true.
And also, if you are aware of the dom/sub thing and it floats your boat, go for it. After all, I like non-con in my porn (hate it in my romance stories, don’t ask me why) so why should I judge someone for writing stories where the characters might have a unequal power balance, but are still happy? (This is of course assuming that what I’m suppose to read between the lines is that they both know they would never hurt each other like that, and I missed that in the story).
I hope that wasn’t too confusing. Parts of your story were really lovely, but I feel like – whether you agree with me on the dom/sub thing – that the character’s intentions should be clarified. Then again, the story as it is now is short and to the point, with a good pace. Perhaps that shouldn’t be messed with.
I would really like to hear what you think on this. Complete rejection of everything I just said will be respected. :)