|Reviews for The Path of Zero|
| Reymen chapter 24 . 2/13
I feel like you put a bit to much information in your descriptions. It feels dry when I read it.
| GGFBank chapter 27 . 1/25
Wow... later chapter is pretty dark. But If I want some dark fic, this is one to read.
Need to read some lightheart one after this though.
| AoiKishi chapter 28 . 1/10
| AoiKishi chapter 15 . 1/9
I am sorry asking this favour of you, but you are the only one I could trust? Blegh! When I
heard her say these words, I actually felt like vomiting.
hahaha... i can imagine how cute loise when say that words. hahaha... that hit my funny bone! haha
| Mary-Sue chapter 5 . 12/7/2014
Your writing is very good and well placed, your characters are a little OOC, but are actually more beleivable than in canon. Your story however is dangerous to young emotional persons!
It isn't the act of slashing wrists is too dramatic that's the problem, it's that too many stories romanticize the act! Young people are impressionable and suicide is a very mature subject, just like alcoholism, and yet your story does not have a mature rating.
Here you have your heroine attempt suicide twice, and each time it improves her life! What message are you sending?
Suicidal characters can be heroes, but look at how Piers Anthony portrayed Coleen in the Mode series; Her suicidal impulses were destructive and almost led to her dying before her love could rescue her.
In short your story could become responsible for some people deciding to take an out on life.
To be constructive I reccomend the following changes:
1) Find some other way that Louise was transported to Fairy Tale that interrupts her from actually making an attempt on her life.
2) Siesta discovers "Meredy" (Louise) wasn't playing games with her some other way than Louis "proving" herself with attempted suicide, but is almost too late as Louise's self-destructs.
3) If at any further place you feel it's appropriate to have a character attempt to kill themselves ask yourself "How would it look if this character were abusing alcohol instead?". If the answer is that it makes abusing alcohol look romantic then you should emphasize how negative suicide actually is.
| Guest chapter 28 . 11/21/2014
Have Mavis appear in Halk and teach her wayward child a lesson for killing people.
| Guest chapter 23 . 10/12/2014
| necroneox3d chapter 27 . 9/7/2014
Amazing story. Cant wait for next chpt!
| Lerris chapter 28 . 9/5/2014
Sadly, this had significant potential, but it seems, for lack of a better word unfocused. I'd have recommended focusing only on the Familiar of Zero world and leaving most of the happenings in Magnolia to the reader's imagination. Beyond that, well, I prefer canon Louise to the one portrayed here. She was not nearly so fragile. That being said, Louise's new abilities and such are interesting, as are the portrayal of her sisters. Finally Louise's thing at the end where she shut off her emotions and became a drone with a purpose, was well just not what you want to see in a heroic main character...
| random guy chapter 21 . 9/2/2014
almost forgot, void is completely different from the other four and doesn't follow yhe dot line etc thing
also, mathilda and tiffa are not related. the saxe-gotha family are retainers of tiffa's father. and tiffa's father is the archduke of albion, the youngest of three siblings. the oldest was king james of albion, wales' father. the middle brother was king henry of tristain, herietta's father
| random guy chapter 21 . 9/2/2014
this is a great story, the characters are well developed and aren't mary sues (at least i don't think so, louise for example has plenty of believable (read: human/social in other words, non magic/fighting related) flaws despite having so much skill in magic) but i know that a mage's class (dot line etc) is deftermined by how many elements they can stack. with 4 being the maximum of one person. if you can stack up to four then you are square. even if you only know one combination. it doesn't matter which elements you use as long as you use 4 then youare square. using your own element as one or more of the elements will make the effects stronger and will use less willpower (or MP)
| Mystic chapter 28 . 8/30/2014
This is really good, are you still updating :)
| praeceps29 chapter 16 . 8/30/2014
ok sorry but cant read anymore i mean seriously 24 chapters and you still haven't finished the whole albion letter retrieval plot
| praeceps29 chapter 6 . 8/29/2014
good story but the constant switching of viewpoints is highly irritating
| Starfox5 chapter 28 . 8/14/2014
Good chapter - funny, and ominous at the same time.