Reviews for Sixteen Years
Ichangemynamesometimes chapter 5 . 1/7
So if Ryan has yet to visit WWW, and the DA was just from last year, I'm assuming this is set in 6th year. This is kind of confusing, since you kept saying 16 years in the first chapter. The Potters were attacked when Harry was a little over one (Oct 31), meaning that if this took place 16 years later, Harry would be 17 and about to start seventh year.

Some minor errors in earlier chapters- Harry pays for the hotel in dollars instead of pounds, cauldron is misspelled twice after you spelled it correctly the first time, (Lucius Malfoy's name?) etc. Other than that, there have been some grammar errors that stuck out, but I'm liking the story ideas and overall execution so far.
Himanshu.99 chapter 8 . 12/26/2016
This story is weird. Why was Sirius sent to prison and seriously someone crashes a bike in Hogwarts and nothing.
Himanshu.99 chapter 4 . 12/26/2016
"How long 'as she been one?" Hagrid asked.
"Since last night," Harry replied.
"Tha' long?"
"That long," Harry confirmed. I don't know why Hagrid said that long here? Its just a single night and someone who lost their parents, even if a child is sad not skipping like the Willow girl.
Himanshu.99 chapter 3 . 12/26/2016
Bloody Hell! Village of 1500 raged in a single day. That maybe the reason why muggles started hunting wizards in the first place. I always knew it was Dumbledore who was responsible for so many deaths even in canon by not doing anything. Here also, he is just a manipulative bastard just like canon.
mckertis chapter 19 . 12/17/2016
I keep reading (or rather skimming it over), and i still cant see the actual story. Did you have a plot in mind, at all, when you started writing this ?
RMT1161 chapter 33 . 12/10/2016
Absolutely love this story. Your writing is a cut above the rest.
English Major chapter 28 . 11/2/2016
I love the pacing of your story, and the way you have upped the power of all the characters was a wonderful way to increase the excitement. However, your grammar needs some attention. There are missing words, extra words, many misplaced commas, unfinished sentences, and sometimes you use entirely the wrong word (ie. an 'abdominal snowman'? Does he have great pectorals?). You also contradict yourself; in one paragraph you say the dragon is a 'fully mature mother' then in the very next paragraph you say she is still 'young and growing'. A more thorough read through is required. I know it is very difficult to proofread your own work, so I would recommend a beta, or try reading what you have written aloud, that will often bring to light any inconsistencies. Your characterizations are great and you have done a fabulous job of interspersing action with emotion. Your writing is good, and paying more attention to every word and sentence you type can only improve it. I hope this helps point out errors you are making and will, in turn, make you a better writer. I look forward to seeing what you produce in the future. Thank you, again, for contributing to the wonderful world of Harry Potter Fan Fiction.
English Major chapter 3 . 11/1/2016
You have some truly excellent ideas and some unique plot twists that I really enjoyed. However, your English skills need some strict attention. One cat: cat. More than one cat: cats (NOT cat's). One Potter: Potter. More than one Potter: Potters (NOT Potter's). There are no apostrophes in pluralizations. This is Primary School English you need to review. Belonging to one Potter: Potter's. Belonging to more than one Potter: Potters' (or Potters's). The possessive requires an apostrophe. Thank you for your contribution to the world of Harry Potter Fan Fiction.
Simianpower chapter 1 . 10/26/2016
Between the writing errors and appalling characterizations this was so offputting I couldn't even finish chapter 1. Not continuing.
nire47 chapter 33 . 10/17/2016
This is a good story. I like it. Poor Neville.

I will patiently await the next chapter.
Fangirl2themax chapter 33 . 10/16/2016
I love it! Please update soon and I absolutely agree on the increased romance scenes! This is such a great story - you really are an amazing writer.

FG2TM ;)
Kingofpop12345 chapter 33 . 10/13/2016
NEW CHAPTER ASAP! LOVE this story, it's incredible.. but i don't like how you kinda turned Hermione into a... jerk.. into like Marge dursley except not as crude but just plain rude,.
Fangirl2themax chapter 15 . 10/13/2016
I am re reading the whole story again! its soooo good!
MadmansDeath chapter 20 . 10/10/2016
James is Sirius-ly Harry. So... that was weird. Anyways... marauders? Marauders.
MadmansDeath chapter 19 . 10/10/2016
Wow Kallah, kinky.
796 | Page 1 2 3 4 11 .. Last Next »