|Reviews for Of Death and Fate|
| AndrewWolfe chapter 7 . 12/6/2017
If you're at all still on this site, this is an excellent beginning and your handling of a non-standard storytelling structure is excellent. Can't fault you technically, and you've handled the characters beautifully.
Oh, and Richard, if he was a medic with the Royal Marines, would have been a naval rating. The RM doesn't have its own medics, it borrows medical assistants and officers from the navy, much like the USMC.
| Hadrian Eveningshade chapter 1 . 9/25/2017
Too long and poetic for my taste
| babiluv22 chapter 6 . 8/30/2017
It's been a little over 2 years since I read the story the 1st time I really hope that you are OK and doing well I really hope that you come across the the story one day and decide to finish it
| Shu Ouma GC chapter 2 . 7/12/2017
This is an interesting writing style.. splitting the chapter into parts.
| LostDragon49 chapter 7 . 2/19/2017
Just found this story and I have eenjoyed the characters development along with their development in releationships. I see you haven't updated any of your writings in quite some time. I truly hope you will continue to add more to this work in the future as to leave this wonderfully developing story unfinished would be a shame.
| Cateagle chapter 7 . 2/9/2017
A most interesting chapter with some gentle character and plot development. The way the different bonds look to be setting up, I would not be surprised by an eventual fully equal triad bond between Harry, Hermione, and Daphne; I'm certain that would set certain parts of wizarding Britain on their ear, in more than one way.
I definitely look forward to the will reading and seeing what further bombshells are buried within the document.
| J.A. Gould chapter 2 . 1/29/2017
I think the biggest problem with stories like these which keep canon but add on a whole new relationship that wasn't there in order for your threesome fetish to manifest is this: Hermione betrays Harry by hiding her friendship. Not only does she lie about her friendship, she betrays details about her other relationships asymmetrically. She'll tell Daphne things about Harry that she wouldn't tell Harry about Daphne (not to mention, Harry doesn't even KNOW Daphne or that there's this other relationship to be concerned about). That level of deceit, in my opinion, will never logically allow the maintenance of Hermione's other relationship (with Harry). In a sense, Ron is right to be angry with Daphne and Hermione. He is justified. And Daphne is - in this way - the snake Ron claims she is (as is Hermione), despite that - under your narrative's logic - he's doing so for the wrong reasons. This also makes Harry's tears of guilt even more unbearable to me. He feels guilty for this situation when he should be furious at not only the betrayal but the brutal way he's made out to be the bad guy in the situation. "I had to cheat on you! You didn't respect my feelings!" Meanwhile, Hermione never gave indication that Ron wasn't her friend or that she had needs that weren't being regarded.
My second problem with this story goes to narrative structure and style. Your writing is incredibly wordy to the point of being boring. The first chapter is brilliant in its ability to tie in those abstract personifications without ruining the story by introducing a million plot holes or making the premise too much of a deus ex machina. You leave Harry ignorant which is important for major shifts like these. When I read that, I was impressed, but I was also nervous that the problem there stays here: you lack a focused POV. You jump around characters too often while maintaining the same chronology in the narrative. So, you repeat a lot of the events without adding enough to the plot to justify it. That kind of writing (multi-POV) requires good technique, but you overuse it. You should reserve that style of writing for important events to slow the exposition and draw out the drama, but if you always write like that you're giving the reader way too much to chew. (Think of how in the GOF Rowling introduces the graveyard in chapter 1 through the POV of the caretaker and then Voldemort and then revisits that location later with the cup scene, drawing out the drama that way.) You needed to be concise in this chapter, since you laid the groundwork for major changes, there was going to be a lot of happenings from major to mundane, and you gave yourself way too much room for it all. Tighten it up!
Overall, you showed great technique but your narrative style is putting me off of continuing to read this. You would do much better to be concise around the boring stuff and draw out the exciting stuff. The scene of a battle in the tent field should be longer than a scene describing how and why Hermione feels justified in betraying the people she pretends to be friends with (Ron) and people she isn't a good friend to (Harry).
| Faery66 chapter 7 . 1/27/2017
Hope to read more soon.
| ElizabethAnneSoph chapter 7 . 6/11/2016
Please please please please please continue this brilliant, interesting, amazing and utterly priceless story! I do hope that Harry will realize how happy he could be with Hermione or Daphne of course! Harry do clean up very well with the right hair cut and clothes! Well done! Please do continue! *poppy dog eyes*
| izobelle chapter 7 . 4/8/2016
I'm normally put off with involving other mythical characters like Death and Fate but I like how you just had them at thebstart and not meddle throughout.
The pace you're setting is slow, I guess you were truthful in saying that you liled that pace of Heart and Soul. I just hope you update soon, it's been almost 2w years. Hopefully you haven't abandoned the story!
Some people might find the different POVs bothersome in a way that some parts of the story keeps repeatibg itself, tbh in the beginning I wanted to skip some parts but the way you presented the different views have been so interesting!
I hope you update soon! I want to see whether you will have Hermione and Daphne come together first (it did seem that way at the beginning) or Harry and Hermione recognize their growing feelings, or maybe even Harry and Daphne first. No idea of how you'd get them altogether at once if you were ever planning that.
Anyway, sorry just had to get that out there. Hope you come back soon!
| Fredrick Bismarck chapter 3 . 10/27/2015
Very long chapter... Some of the elements are common in Harry Potter fanfiction but I like your take and the picture of the world you paint. The lords and ladies, posh posturing, slights, etc. are a little much as in others, but still enjoyable. More looking forward to more with Harry's new future with Hermione and daphne. Free from fate and all that.
| Fredrick Bismarck chapter 2 . 10/27/2015
I'm really surprised by this story. I think I like where this is going. The introspective atmosphere of this chapter was nice. Some emotional release and making things right. Though the well spoken tone and maturity of Hermione and daphne are a little hard to believe, it can be forgiven. The flash back and manner of their friendship and Harry's reaction are appreciated.
| Fredrick Bismarck chapter 1 . 10/27/2015
Usually with these primordial powers and functions personified, it can get matter of fact, exposition heavy, just plain cheesy. I think you did well. Still left the mystery notch turned up. Gave the personifications some fun personality. Some crazy imagery and slow build up to Harry's freedom from fate instead of laying it on thick. I'm excited to see what comes.
| Sarek5959 chapter 6 . 10/24/2015
This has been a great story! Unfortunately, it also looks abandoned.
Here's hoping your muse will give you a kick. Thanks for writing!
| SuperVegitoFAN chapter 3 . 10/8/2015
2 of the 3 words looks similar to danish ones... unsurprisignky really.
though id use beloved and unbeliveable as direct translations for those 2, but the lnes you used work as well