|Reviews for Sonic & Sega All Stars: Subspace Unleashed|
| Mega M chapter 45 . 3/27
Continue great story
| Guest chapter 1 . 12/4/2014
Make more chapter please!
| Luna Goddess of the Night chapter 17 . 9/9/2013
Well, now that I've had a look, I can provide some concrit.
""Then that settles it! Everyone can start mobilizing to make sure that Operation: Subspace Unleashed is commenced," said Eggman as the villains followed his orders. Reala created a portal for him, Mishaela, Neff, and Max D. Cap to enter for the necromancy of more members. Trouble Bruin hops into his pod shaped mech and fly towards the robot labs for the eventual recreation of Warhead and Mr. X with the material he found. Satan and Greedy hover out side the hole with a few containers of subspace to create the henchmen. Everyone other villain steps outside to tell their own separate henchmen the overall plan and how to cooperate with each other. They included soldiers, Morolians, Badniks, KapuKapus, zombies, Nightmaren, ninja, thugs, Puyo, Orbs, rogue dinosaurs, samurai, aliens, demons, monkeys, giants, gunmen, ogres, and many more. Eggman supplies Dr. Bad Boon and Dr. Z the material they need to replicate the bombs in the robot factory downstairs. This gave Eggman the opportunity to start building the warships they need for the invasion with the help of Golden Silver and Purge. Meanwhile, Rokkaku and his massive police force arrive on the scene to impress the others despite being tardy to the party. Within 3 weeks, things were set and ready to launch as things really get serious. The warships were parked outside the base for each person to handle as the henchmen carry the Subspace Corruption Bombs into them. Satan releases the shadowy beings that would later attack Sonic and friends into the slots so that they can be dispensed in a form of smoke. Mishaela steps out of the portal with a few familiar faces like Selvaria Bles, Azel, Father Balder, Dark Raven, Zeed, and the Vortex Queen (who required a bigger portal to leave). Trouble Bruin hovers towards the last warship with the new and improved Warhead and Mr. X, both which looks even stronger thanks to his technology. Eggman hovers towards the Legion of Subspace in a black outfit with a black mask in a new black Eggpod he made."
I pulled this peace out, as you have multiple paragraphs that need to be seperated. Reading a huge wall of text can hurt the eyes, and turn readers off. Also, you use the numeral, instead of the written word for the number 2. Instead of writing numbers, write out the whole word, like "two, three, etc."
You seem to have problems with past and present tense. This can also turn your readers off. Best to pick a POV, and stick with it. That way, there should be no problems.
And I don't mean to offend, but at times, this did feel like a video game. But where was the emotion? Emotion is a key part of any story, and that is how you get your readers. I would suggest to put on some music to help you capture the emotion while you type.
Commas, remember commas. If you need help figuring out where to put them, read your sentences out loud, and see where the pauses are. Always helps.
I didn't really see anything I liked, nor did I know the fandom very well, so I am afraid I couldn't comment anywhere else. I'm sorry.
-Luna, The Council
| Very-Bored-Anon chapter 14 . 8/14/2013
Ryo Hazuki is 18 YEARS OLD!
| Very-Bored-Anon chapter 5 . 6/21/2013
It's an awesome fanfic, I hope you'll continue writing. I've been dying to read this kind of fanfic for years!
| Drake Kylocke chapter 1 . 6/21/2013
I can't review everything from characters to story, but I'll give some constructive criticism.
For each person speaking, start a new paragraph.
"I love you Sonic," said Amy.
"I love you too," said Sonic.
"Congratulations!" Alex clapped.
"Grand Upper!" Axel yelled as he throws his punch towards Akira.
Good luck in the future with all upcoming projects.
Moderator of Pen to Paper