|Reviews for N7: Avengers|
| DenzinoftheMountain chapter 3 . 3/30/2016
I hope this isn't dead. I REALLY wanted to see Mordin get angry!
| Palaven Blues chapter 1 . 3/30/2015
Ohhhh, here we go. Mass Effect/Avengers. I am excite. Much excite.
Hmm, "science" sounds weirds talking about elevators. I know it is all science, but ... maybe tech, instead?
"Or not" needs a semi-colon after it.
continued to work." -your open quote moved over a space.
sniper's nest, possessive
*tremor of worry, not termor
comma because direct address. I'm not really sure about the characterization here. Kinda feels like you just put ME skins over the Avengers movie.
You've got a bunch of quotation marks messed up. Missing from dialogue, or shoved after non-dialogue. I'd go back through and proofread this, if I were you.
The being drawled-if it's the same sentence, it doesn't get a capital letter. Should be lowercase, the being drawled, for a dialogue tag.
There's a lot of saidbookisms here. There's nothing wrong with saying "said" most of the time. It's neutral, the reader's eye skips right over it. You're using a lot of synonyms instead, and then relying on them to carry the weight of your narrative. Instead, just let characters say things, and show us rather than telling for a stronger story.
"An admiral, is it?" -you need a comma to set off "is it," and you don't capitalize AN admiral, or the admiral, or anything unless 1., you're talking directly to him: "Yes, Admiral." Or 2., full name, Admiral Hackett.
"kissing them as well as their eyes" -this is awkward
"car races" -raced
finish the *sentence-typo again
"Anything else, sir?" -need the comma for direct address.
Okay, I really wanted to like this, and it's a good idea, but there are a few problems with it. One, as I mentioned, it feels like you just dumped a bunch of Mass Effect paint over the Avengers; there's no sense of the original characters in this at all. There's a lot of different ways to do a crossover, but if you've just slammed masks onto characters, it isn't really that much of a crossover. Calling them Garrus and Hackett doesn't make them Garrus and Hackett. Secondly, there's a lot of telling instead of showing. You're trying to make dialogue tags stand in for showing any emotion, physical reactions, description, everything. They really don't do that much. This could be a much stronger piece. Last thing I had a problem with is that it really needs to be proofed. There are a lot of errors in spelling and grammar that need to be caught and fixed. Again, I really like the concept, and I wanted to like the story, but it could be improved by a lot.
| Thats funny chapter 1 . 8/5/2014
I like how the cover shows James Vega in his "Hulk" mode
| Amidamaru88 chapter 1 . 5/14/2014
Before I go and give a more in depth review I have two questions to ask
Have you lost inspiration for this fic?
When do you think you will finish the story?
| TenDollarT chapter 5 . 5/4/2014
Gotta say, having fun with this. I think you've nailed the transcription of the characters onto roles. At first blush I thought Jack as the Black Widow was out of place, but...not necessarily. Natasha sublimated her insecurities behind icy control and indifference; Jack does the same with violence and audacity.
Different Means, same End. It works. Miranda would have been a safer choice, but she lacks comparable pathos. And of the two of them in Hackett's organization Miranda's just more useful as a second in command. Agent Zero's a fine field asset, but that's about it. She's just not even a part-time house cat.
As mentioned in other reviews the Loki/Morinth confrontation scene colored by Nev's thoughts was quite effective. Recasting the Quarians in the place of the Jews fits very nicely (it's also good that the Avengers narrative makes no commentary on the actual very messy, tragic politics of Israel).
The Tali/Tony divide is rough (though the phonetic similarity is funny). Why not Miranda? She's got the brains, the fortune, and the libido.
Well, besides that not having Tali around is a real loss. I like Tali Stark. It's an odd fit for the character, but I can buy that a liberated Quarian might dive head first into a libertine's hedonism.
Yay, Samara! Gotta say the Asari version of Thor probably looks like Lesbos Isle Community Theater as directed by Sappho, bu I'm ok with that. D
Below-the-belt-thinking aside this is another strong transposition with the Asari serving as the Aesir. I particularly liked the council of Tevos, Benezia, Liara and Aria (bonus point for Aethyta the Watcher: "Hey babe. Sorry, no sex -just washed the bridge") filling in for Odin and company. Visuals aside as a lineup for a pantheon goes they're a good fit for the various roles of Father, Mother, maiden, harlot, destroyer, nurturer, etc that gods tend to embody plus the paralells in both cultures being ancient, mildly decadent, wise and at least a little detatched from the concerns of "lessers".
Samara's considerably more mature then Thor, but far less open-hearted and trusting, so the role will bend a little, but I think it can be done right. Not that I expect it, but Samara reprising Thor's romance subplot in a different project could be interesting. There's no Mjolnir to be a plot catalyst, but Samara having to fight off a blooming romantic attraction might be engaging (Kelly Chambers?).
In sum: cool! Quite the enthusiast project, and I am unquestionably appreciative.
| jet the demigod chapter 5 . 11/21/2013
i love it keep going
| V-rcingetorix chapter 5 . 9/2/2013
"Grumpy old man" eh...lol. I sometimes feel like that in my labs; clever young students without a grain of common sense and just enough knowledge to make them dangerous.
Keep it up, if you can. Three or four stories at once is a heavy burden.
| Osage chapter 4 . 7/26/2013
I like how we're right in the middle of battle and get to see everyone's unique struggle against Morinth, although it was kind of sudden. Again, I'm just in awe of how well your casting choices worked and can't wait to see when poor Garrus will be liberated from that evil hag's control.
On a technical note my only complaint was how the transitions were a bit too sudden. With that much action on the page, it takes some time to get into the swing of a particular character's fight. So having us suddenly pulled into another character mid-way felt a bit disjointed. But other than that this was another wonderful chapter and I can't wait to see what you do with the Avengers!
| Osage chapter 3 . 7/21/2013
Another solid chapter! I was worried about Jack being reduced to the weak and vulnerable Black Widow I saw in the film, but you do her justice. She's cautious but still remains distinctly Jack in both dialogue and actions. I like how she didn't shut down at Mordin's little test and got enough gall to even test him back. If you're going the AU route it'll be interesting to see their future exchanges.
Poor Samara can never catch a break it seems. She's always throwing herself under the bus for the greater good, that's something you keep here but also manage to weave wonderfully into the plot.
My only suggestion would be to add a line between Mordin's awesome last line and Samara's first one. It was a little jarring to switch between the two scenes with no warning. But other than that keep the avengers coming!
| Blinded in a bolthole chapter 2 . 7/11/2013
So... Jack is with Garrus here?
| Bronzey the Mystical Foxxx chapter 5 . 7/2/2013
It's such great action! You did a really great job explaining the scene and bringing so many of the characters together.
I'm amazed at how well your character selection fits with the actual movie! Hell of a job FP!
| nobodez chapter 5 . 6/26/2013
I enjoyed the chapter. Good translation of the "requisite fight amongst the heroes before they team up", and I really like Miranda as the Coulson analogue, I'm just smiling looking forward to how you'll write the inevitable scene in the "hulk-proof" (or would that be Krogan-proof) prison cell.
| aDarkOne chapter 5 . 6/24/2013
Shepherd as Captain America oddly works.
| PrincessArien chapter 5 . 6/24/2013
The only kind of issue with this story I'm having is Tali feels a little off, I dunno, I feel like there's an imbalance between her own personality and Tony Stark's *shrug* Doesn't really detract from the story as a whole, but it's somewhat jarring...just a little tip on something that I think you need to work a bit on.
But otherwise, excellent story so far.
| CyanB chapter 5 . 6/24/2013
Thank you, this is just what I needed this morning.