Reviews for Busted
superhero and anime fangirl chapter 3 . 8/7/2016
good story
killer4853 chapter 1 . 3/18/2015
Polish chapter 1 . 10/23/2014
Man... 0.o yeah, we all agree, Pepper Potts is a force unto herself! D Ok, you win, this is one of the best chapters I've read so far! good job!
Goodvs.Evil2014 chapter 2 . 9/6/2014
Continue like now, thanks!
TheDeductionist chapter 2 . 11/15/2013
Love it! The Science Bro's part was cool. Update soon :D
TheDeductionist chapter 1 . 11/15/2013
BRILLIANT! Oh, my gosh, I love it! This is really, really good :D
MilkyWayGalaxy chapter 2 . 11/9/2013
I really feel bad for everyone else. They should get their stuff back and Tony should apologize.
IronSmoothieee chapter 2 . 9/10/2013
I love it! Can u have tony explain what happend hikself at the end?
jack2724 chapter 2 . 9/8/2013
AllIWannaDo chapter 1 . 8/14/2013
My first piece of advice would be to always do your research, especially when you're writing about a mental disorder or medical condition that you may not have firsthand knowledge of (and even if you do, it can't hurt to get expert knowledge through an internet search!). For one, PTSD stands for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, not Post-Trauma Stress Disorder (that's a minor issue, though, which could have even been a typo; I don't know). More important is that the description of the disorder that Pepper gives is somewhat...lacking. "When events happen, they can cause the PTSD victim to remember the thing that happened to them" doesn't really convey what PTSD is. Admittedly, most of your readers probably know what PTSD is, and even those who don't could probably guess from context clues, but if your character is supposed to be knowledgeable about something, she should sound like it.
That being said, you captured the symptoms of the disorder quite well in your description of Tony's movements and facial expressions as he was being held under the water.
Secondly, you should always proofread your writing for grammar and spelling mistakes. It can help to have someone else proofread your work, too, since people tend to autocorrect their own mistakes. There weren't too many errors of that nature in your story, but I did notice a few.
Lastly, you don't need the "three hours later" heading. I'm guessing it was included for the sake of humor (which is fine), but under normal circumstances, you can leave it up to the reader to gauge whether time has passed in your story. Or, if the specific amount of time is important, you can work it into the narrative.
Now on to what I enjoyed about your writing. The humor was good, although I didn't understand some of it, as you predicted. I also like how you vary your word choice and sentence length/structure: it takes a long time for some writers to learn to do that. My favorite passage was probably " Pepper, refusing to stop searching. Pepper, who never once doubted that Tony was alive. Pepper, who found him on a helicopter sweep. /Pepper Potts, the best thing that ever happened to him." Very effective use of repetition, with a lovely, romantic conclusion.
Overall, I think you're a good writer with a lot of promise. I wish you luck with continuing this story, if ever you decide to.
horrifyingvelciraptor chapter 1 . 7/5/2013
Iris' Daughter chapter 1 . 6/24/2013
Hahahahahahahahaha! The best. Especially Thor. "No pop tarts . . ." That's awesome! Just a few spelling and grammar errors, but otherwise, great. I hope u write another chapter!
Guest chapter 1 . 6/4/2013
Tony clinging to Pepper... And he called out for her just before he went under. MY HEART!
jack2724 chapter 1 . 6/4/2013
this was fantastic! i love the fact pepper GROUNDED them! haha awesome :)
Avengerscrazygal chapter 1 . 6/4/2013
It's PTSD—post traumatic stress disorder. Otherwise, I like :)
19 | Page 1 2 Next »