|Reviews for Temple's secrets|
| Denito chapter 1 . 7/10/2013
You want make a workhard naruto or doujutsu naruto? You seems lost your focus, come back to your original idea, don't turn away from it.
Also your plot too fast, and paragraph also too long.
| BR0TH3R MENACE chapter 3 . 6/17/2013
good plot, but you really need to fix your grammar. try getting a beta or something.
| trood chapter 2 . 6/8/2013
Good chapter. Can't wait for the next chapter
| xXxRevanxXx chapter 1 . 6/4/2013
your author's note at the bottom of the chapter is better written than your entire chapter.
there are so many mistakes i don't know where to start. you need to take more time to go through what you have written and proof read everything.
make sure that use punctuation and don't write one sentence then decide to change it and write the second half of it differently.
"I saw your summoning earlier the one you did for that pink haired girl. It was good, but maybe I'm trying to teach you wrong, Naruto do you know how to about the mindscape?"
the first sentence in this speech is fine, but when you get the the next part you get halfway through jiraiya next sentence and write this... "Naruto do you know how to about the mindscape?"... it seems to me that you got the "how to" in the sentence and then you changed the sentence in your mind to say something else and typed that instead.
it should of read something like this.
Naruto do you know how to access your mindscape?''
the last half of the sentence should of made sense if you deleted the 'how to' and just put together... ''Naruto do you know about the mindscape?''
hope this helps and remember to PROOF-READ!
| BR0TH3R MENACE chapter 1 . 6/4/2013
you need to re-read your chapters a few time before posting, cause there is just too many grammical errors and such. also get a beta A.S.A.P