Reviews for Animus
Catherine chapter 28 . 8/6/2015
I like your work, although I was confused with the beginning, especially with a part where Kanji had sex with Naotos shadow.
Anyway. I red this work last year and all this time Ive had a feeling like something was missing. Now I know exactly what is.
I think you shouldve paid more attention to the part where Kanji found out that his mom was killed by Naotos shadow. See, Naoto and his mom are the most important people in his life and now he has to choose between what is stronger: his love to mother (then he wants revenge and cant forgive Naoto) or his love to Naoto (then he forgives her but it means betraying his mother). See? Youve started the biggest inner conflict for Kanji... and ruined it in the next sentence where he just forgives Naoto. Its cool that he loves her but in this kind of drama as a reader I want to see him being torn among his love to both of them, to suffer for his love, to change from inside. To make a really TOUGH decision.
So I believe you should have added only one scene and itd have solved all the problems.
The best place is when theyve decided they need to rest before the final battle, so they come back to the hotel rooms.
Late night. Kanji is in his room alone, hes about to sleep. Hes angry, he beats the walls and close to crying. He feels that rush to beat someone but knows that who he is angry at is the person he loves the most. Suddenly he hears a knock at the door, opens it. Heres Naoto. She comes to apologize once again, since its obvious that the final battle happens soon and theres no going back. So she talks about how much shes sorry and implies that they both can be dead tomorrow, so if she is going to die she doesnt want to feel any regret. Her voice is shaking while she tries her best not to cry. He feels that shes scared. Part of him wants to hold her in his arms and to tell her that everythings going to be alright. Naoto keeps her composure and finally says that she loves him. Then she steps to the door to leave.
And Kanji suddenly realizes that nothing matters anymore: only her, here and now. That hes been fighting for this very 3 words from her for the last few years. And now hes just going to let her leave?
He shuts the door before she can reach it and grabs her. He kisses her and repeats: "I love you… I love you!". And HERE you can put a start for the love scene where Naoto finally realizes just HOW MUCH she loves him and how long time ago shes been prepared for this very moment. And she gives him all her desire and all her love. And he realizes it too: that she loves him and her shadow wasnt fooling him around. Theyre passionately kissing, throwing their clothes off... And somebody from the gang knocks the door and says that theyve found leads, the dark hour is about to begin… and YOU are welcome to continue the main plot.
This scene would help you reach a few goals:
1. You create and solve a big Knjis inner conflict: he makes his decision - and its a tough one. We see that love to Naoto transforms him, makes him forgive and the love to her is stronger than the urge to revenge.
2. You prove that Naotos shadows actions at the night with Kanji were Naotos real feelings toward him (I still doubted it by the end of the story because of how innocent Naoto was even being in one bed with Kanji).
3. You raise their love story side plot to the climax (I bet they both see sex as the highest prove of love) – so you get 3 steps plot: 1. Scene with confessing their feelings toward each other; 2. First kiss scene in Naotos bed... and there is no 3 step, which is the main one, the climax. But this scene wouldve fix that.
So just think about that, may be you could add it in this story or just use it somewhere else. But Im sure this scene would have made the story complete.
Anyway, good job!
sweetestofpeas chapter 24 . 8/1/2015
Oh. Well...shit.
sweetestofpeas chapter 9 . 8/1/2015
Ship em, Kage. Ship it like Amazon Prime Same Day Delivery. sick of these two sometimes.
Elizabeth senpia chapter 1 . 12/31/2014
Shadow Naoto x Naoto fanfic! PLS
Smallbell chapter 28 . 9/25/2013
This is a great story I loved reading it!
DemonRaily chapter 28 . 9/23/2013
Congratulations! For you finished Animus and you did it splendidly!
I did love the story as it lasted and I still love it after.
I really hope that neither our involvement nor your writing career on would end with it. And by that I mean that you will not get me of, I'm like a leach, you're stuck with me now XD
DemonRaily chapter 26 . 9/20/2013
The original review that the site posted as "guest":
Full chapter of exposition is full. Many things comes to light and I was right!
And my PC is almost dead, but not dead enough not to leave this review!

Well that was strange, for some reason I got guest'd by the site T.T
But it doesn't matter, I will have the 100% bonus no matter what!
And this is one of maybe two or three stories trough my entire time on the site I had on "always review no mater what" mode, so it should say something on how much I enjoyed it, no?
DemonRaily chapter 27 . 9/20/2013
I must ask you one thing, please explain to me why is dark hour back?

Anyway, the fact that Kage is most overjoyed about his lab-coat is quite hilarious. Naoto and Kanji are secondary concerns when it comes to looking good, no? Can't stop snickering XD

I am sort of sad that next monday will mean the end of the story, I loved it all the way XD
Plus for some reason my last review was anonymous, why? I was logged in and everything, but I must re-review 26 for the sake of completion.
Guest chapter 26 . 9/16/2013
Full chapter of exposition is full. Many things comes to light and I was right!
And my PC is almost dead, but not dead enough not to leave this review!
Jonny5 chapter 25 . 9/15/2013
I'm calling "OBJECTION!" on the whole adults can't use Persona thing. How do you explain Adachi (who had to be at least in his mid 20's in Persona 4) or the fact that Mitsuru and Akihiko can use them in Persona 4 Arena? I guess you're trying to work in Trinity Souls into your story but the games that came after Persona 3 clearly contradicts it.
Mr. Ursine chapter 25 . 9/13/2013
So things be happening mad style now. All these pieces coming togething and shit. Damn man ain't nobody goin' ta survive son. Yo yo yo... Shoot me now Naoto. Shoot me now.
DemonRaily chapter 25 . 9/13/2013
It's almost sad that the story is ending, for it is always sad when awesome things end, no?

I will laugh my ass of if it is that the two humans I thought to be the main bad guys(the Naoto-chan boss and her replacement) are genuinely trying to contain the situation and help and it is the shadow doing all along.

I am a bit sad that you took Trinity souls approach on the persona and how they are dispersing in older people, not that the idea itself is bad, but trinity souls where terrible and their existence was a sin, therefore the concept is evil by association.
Even more so that entire cast of persona 2 where grownups.
Mr. Ursine chapter 24 . 9/11/2013
Wonderful friction introduced at the end there. I really have been enjoying Kon even if I Prefer Kage and am sad that he is possessed by a demon. Also the grandfather paradox was an interesting twist I will say. In the words of Mitsuru "Shadow Science".
DemonRaily chapter 24 . 9/9/2013
So what bout the mystery drug? Was he in it?

It's a bit sad that Kage is no more for now, sad, oh so sad T.T

On less sad note, did you finish Angel Densetsu by now?
DemonRaily chapter 23 . 9/6/2013
Evil Kage is evil... And apparently suicidal as well.
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