|Reviews for Shattered reality|
| Lilly V chapter 1 . 4/21/2003
"Stories do need work" is an understatement.
First off, in order to get people other than yourself to review your stories, it would be nice if they made sense. Your writing style is...well, it's the kind where nothing you write makes sense. Get out an English text book. Find a handbook, they make many reputable ones.
Other than that...do you have any idea how many times this plot has been done? New girl enters federation and kicks butt? I don't care who she's going to fall in love with or what kind of a feud she's going to have with who, it's the same plot as 3/4 of the stories in the wrestling section.
Your Mary Sue...ugh. Angsty Raven-wannabe. And the name? Deathrose? Have you heard the name of the other women in the division? For example Lita, Trish, Torrie, Stacy and Victoria. Even the weird ones such as Jazz, Sable, Ivory and Felina aren't DEATHROSE. There are plenty of "dark" female names that aren't Deathrose. And let me tell you, the name Deathrose would never get past anyone in creative. Unless of course the girl was going to be Hurricane's arch nemesis. Then, maybe.
My advice? Read through your stories more than once before you post them. Spell and grammar check. Creative plot. A character who's not some angsty paperdoll named Deathrose.
Everyone needs work as a writer, but at least you recognize this. But do keep working as a writer, please don't let me discourage you. Everyone has to start somewhere.
| Sonar chapter 1 . 1/4/2003
stories do need work