Reviews for sinking like a stone
AvidReader2236 chapter 1 . 12/19/2014
Good stuff.
Bleeding Destruction chapter 1 . 10/12/2013
You brought tears to my eyes with this one! Albus' emotions had me choking up... And the happy ending was beautiful. I liked how it wasn't cliché though it could have been if worded the wrong way (or right way, depending on how you look at it). Kudos to you for another excellent story!
starlight.moon.princess chapter 1 . 7/26/2013

This is just perfection okay?

[Until one day, he feels himself being lifted up.]
This line just is ALL THE FEELS OKAY?

I love this fic.
I really, REALLY do.
Because Al and Scor and the fucked up Potter family dynamics just makes me want to die.
And the fact that Scor is everything to Albus makes me shiver with pleasure.

[He had conned his uncle Fred into bewitching his room to constantly be pitch black when he was fourteen years old]
Though I'm not sure if you meant for Fred to not be dead here :P

pottergoose chapter 1 . 7/25/2013
One thing I noticed was the lack of Harry being aware of his son's depression, especially after his own experience during his fifth year, the pain, the anger, feeling excluded, etc. I would have thought he would have taken better notice. With that being said, this is a beautiful, yet incredibly sad one shot. Really attacks the feelings in the reader's heart as we experience the pain through written word that Albus was going through. You also had a great transition from the pain and hurt into the lighter side. Scorpius showed his true colors as a good best friend, unlike Daniel, and took him into his arms with ease. It was a beautiful scene that unfolded, and I was very impressed with the writing style and what became of Albus in the end. Fantastic job
percychased chapter 1 . 7/24/2013
This is perfect - the description, the imagery, the characterization, everything... ah, this is the best alscor I've read so far and it's just perfectly angsty and I completely love it. I like the whole 'sea' kind of thing - [ he feels like his lungs are filling up with water, like the tide is rising and he's tied to a post in the middle of the water, drowning ever so slowly as the water rises up around his neck and finds its way into his mouth.] Overall, I loved it!
articcat621 chapter 1 . 7/20/2013
First off, I love Albus and Scorpius. They are my favorite angsty romantic pair and you wrote them so well. This was just so beautiful. You described everything perfectly and it created such powerful imagery. The way you described Albus’ depression was so realistic, and as someone whose dealt with depression on a personal level, you’ve done it perfect justice. Seriously, this was very beautiful.

I’m glad you gave them a happy ending though. The last line absolutely warmed my heart and made me very optimistic for their future. Well down Nayla :)
APhoenixRising chapter 1 . 7/20/2013
I really loved the images I got from this! The way you described his progression from the bottom of the ocean to back on land was really good.
The whole of the last section may have made me squee a little more than necessary, but you wrote it so well! It was very cute!
I think you might be on the way to converting me to an AlScor shipper with this story!
Well done!
Exceeds Expectations chapter 1 . 7/19/2013
[He'll always be a freak, a loser, a spare person who is never wanted around.] KILL THE SPARE - ahem. Sorry. Had to.

Nay, this was beautiful. Firstly, I loved that it was about more than just Albus and Scorpius being in love; it was about Al and his struggles with his identity and that's a very real problem. Not knowing how to he who he is and how to he happy at the same time... Poor Al.

And I loved that Al loved someone else first. That he went through that heartbreak and everything, and that Scorpius tried to put him back together. It just adds this other layer of...idk. Maturity? To their relationship. Like they both know where they're at and understand each other, and that's great to see, especially since Al was in such a dark place before.

Speaking of, you showed Al's feelings really well, and the sinking like a stone thing that you wove throughout the whole thing was fab. I really just wanted to cuddle him :3

Great job, Naylie! :D
Montley chapter 1 . 7/16/2013
This was a marvelous piece with such strong development throughout, and poor poor Albus. My heart hurt for him throughout this whole story, and I loved how you recognized the difficulty and the prejudice that is in his situation.
The whole story was beautifully written and I really enjoyed reading it. Your writing style is really beautiful!
Fantastic work!
colorful swirls chapter 1 . 7/12/2013
This was very haunting and eerie and just... wow. The sinking metaphor, and how you used that throughout the fic but didn't overuse it, was wonderful. I also love the way you word things. AlScor isn't one of my favorite pairings, but I have a soft spot for it, and this was quite enjoyable for me.

Your Score:

/ SPaG - 8/10 Points

/ Characterization - 10/10 Points

/ Prompts - 10/10 Points

/ Enjoyment - 9/10 Points

/ Originality - 8/10 Points

45/50 Points.

Great job!
rebellsking chapter 1 . 7/9/2013
I think I might have just fallen in love with the way you write. The summary - the first paragraph - that was just so movingly beautiful. The whole thing was playing out in my head like a movie and the darkness was kind of frightening but compelling and I can really understand why he'd be so drawn to it.. because it was BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN, that's why! ;D

The metaphor with the water was very effective, the whole full circle-ness of it, and I loved the way you characterized Scorpius and the fact that he asked Albus out, and it was a form of reassurance to him.

Also I almost forgot to say, the Daniel scene was brilliant. I like that you intertwined showing and telling there because with just showing it might have been too intense, and with just telling it would have been too dull, so with both you made it very vivid and powerful and savagely, wonderfully beautiful :)
Ebaz chapter 1 . 7/7/2013
Oh, poor, poor Al... I felt his despair really strongly in the beginning, and the ocean metaphor tied in really well at the end. Al was heartbreaking, Scorpius was adorable, and the hopefulness of the ending actually made me smile. :)

There were a few SPaG errors, like in this—

["It's not going to eat you Albus, it's a portable fire, remember? It doesn't even burn things," Scorpius said, shaking his head at Albus in amusement as he wrapped his hands around his own jar of flames.

"So, Al," Scorpius says, looking sideways at his old friend, "Where have you been lately, I've missed you."], which should be "It's not going to eat you, Albus—it's a portable fire, remember? It doesn't even burn things," and "Where have you been lately? I've missed you."

—but nothing was too distracting. Overall, it was put together very nicely :) Well done!

autumn midnights chapter 1 . 7/4/2013
I love your characterizations of both Al and Scorpius here. Scorpius is so open and sassy and perfect, and poor Al is so broken and depressed, and I'm really glad that Scorpius helps Al to start feeling like himself again. I like the inclusion of your OC Daniel, as well, and the role he played in the story; he helped develop it a lot, explaining how Al got to be so depressed. Just one thing I noticed - Al conned his uncle Fred into making his room dark, but Fred died in DH; I think you meant either uncle George or cousin Fred. Al's depression is portrayed so realistically, it's heartbreaking to see; I'm glad this has a hopeful ending, though. Lovely job!
ProfessorSquirrell chapter 1 . 7/3/2013

Okay so I love that this actually started out as Al wanting an OC. And that your OC had a story and a key point in the plot without taking over completely. That was really well done.

And poor Al and the way he feels like he's drowning and the way you described his pain was utterly beautiful Nay. And then AlScor happens and Scor is such a good friend and Al doesn't want to screw it up and it's just so sweet and it makes me happy that they end up together and I am rambling because i'm tired and why did i sign up for fanfaves, nay? why?


I'm sorry my review is shit.
Fire The Canon chapter 1 . 7/2/2013
Something makes me think Daniel is just a closet gay and doesn't know how to react... that's my theory anyway.

I liked this too! Not my favourite pairing in the world, but I enjoyed reading it. But why angst? I will seriously set you a challenge "Nayla's Challenge" where you will have to write fluff.

But I liked it anyway... as I always do.

Well done!
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