|Reviews for The Space Race|
| Lu Bane Na chapter 42 . 11/24/2014
Man, can't believe I finally caught up with this story. I've been alternating b/w this and two other stories that are 150 word lengths.
| Lu Bane Na chapter 40 . 11/24/2014
First a biotic Thresher Maw, now a Thresher Maw husk fitted with armor, particle weapons and cannons? Damn, son, you're on a role here.
| Lu Bane Na chapter 34 . 11/24/2014
Just a little thing I noticed at the end. Liara seems to fancy naming her crew after Greek heroes and deities. I recognize Agamemnon, Paris, and Hector from the Trojan Wars. I guess she hasn't found anyone badass enough to be called Achilles.
| Lu Bane Na chapter 1 . 11/16/2014
Loving this so far, especially how the USA and USSR were merely two kids trying to show each other up instead of actually fighting each other to the death. I liked these original species you introduced as well, especially the insectoid ones. I'd imagine they'll cause the Citadel to have a heart-attack, hehe, and it seems the Asari have some competition in the Ataviri.
| HTM chapter 32 . 10/30/2014
Okay, so, up to and including the first third of chapter 32, you did splendidly. It wasn't perfect by any means, of course. You jumped perspective far too often, you tried too many things that failed (Liara becoming half-Prothean? Really?), and you seem to have only two out of five fingers gripped on the concept of writinf combat. But despite those flaws, your story deserved reading. I can tell that a lot of passion has been invested into this story.
I especially enjoyed your story when it focused on the more political, cultural, and military subjects. You did a good job on those fronts, and I would have loved to see more of it.
When you introduced the Collectors, I thought that things would become better, more "Mass Effect", with Shepard running and gunning to kill them and trying to convince the nations of the galaxy to follow her. Although I actually knew that wouldn't happen, I hoped for something of great quality, something comparable to the rest of your story.
You introduce a new species, a species that can literally inexplicably manipulate crystals with their minds. There is quite honestly no reason I should feel any sympathy for this seemingly doomed race. Your perspective change to these crystalline species was so utterly jarring that it made me genuinely think I had switched to another story. One that had little thought put into it as well.
That you misspelled a name that shouldn't even be there was just the cherry on top. It is Yggdrasil, not Yggadrissil. Yggdrasil is a human name, not an alien one, and the fact that you used it reeks if ass-pulling to me.
And that is not even mentioning that your race (for it is very clearly *your* race) is simple wish-fulfillment. Organ failures being common for babies? There is literally no race that evolves like that. From sheer inattendance, the babies can *die*. What if it was the heart that failed?
And I did read this chapter, chapter 32, that said that the Collectors your race fought were Collector made viruses. If that is the case, then it is possible that the real versions of your race's babies' organs didn't fail at that early a stage. If that is the case, then the fake babies' organ failure is due to malfunctioning code.
Now, there is a problem with that. A huge, a massive one. In order for Collectors to appear in your race's dream world, the Collectors would have had to program their malware to be projected as Collectors, and thusly be able to be destroyed. There is literally no reasonbthe Collectors wouldn't just pull the plug on the life support systems to kill them all.
And it is obvious that the Collectors would want to kill them because they are going to kill them all via orbital bombardment.
Speaking of the Collectors, I recognize artistic liberty, I recognize that through fan fiction a fan writer can do whatever with the source material.
That does not mean I condone the Cokkectors having literally hundreds of cruisers when in Mass Effect 2 they had only one cruiser, and only one base.
In conclusion, I don't like that this story took such a quick turn towards the cliff. I really wanted to enjoy it, but I simply couldn't overlook the piles of dung.
I am truly sorry about that.
- Posted via phone, please excuse any typos.
| Lord Asmodeus chapter 2 . 9/14/2014
Would be a lot better if the rivalry wasn't friendly, I find that extremely unlikely and naive. It would also be better if the USSR and USA didn't suddenly become the beacons of light on Earth, they are both ambitious and only follow their own self-interest. Their interests also conflict with each other. How the hell are they actually in a 'friendly rivalry' anyway?
Strangely enough, this is another one of those times when one has no choice to support for the USSR lest they passively support the abomination that is the USA.
I do wonder though what happened to Europe, since Europe still holds vast powers even now.
| Unknown4804 chapter 8 . 8/9/2014
I like the name you chose for the little Prothean girl.
| Lord Asmodeus chapter 1 . 6/22/2014
I would have read this...
If it wasn't for the bestiality in this story...
How disgusting how could you pair a human with a lizard of all things?
| Lotska chapter 11 . 6/10/2014
I'm really enjoying this story for the most part. It's very creative and thorough, and shows great potential. There are obviously things to be worked on; you have already started an intention to tighten it up, which is great.
But this is really, really important; calling slaves whores, sluts and bitches is fucking disgusting, morally bankrupt and, above all, incredibly moronic.
Sexual slavery does exist in the real world. If you don't know about it, that's understandable, but you can't possibly misunderstand that any sex with a slave is, by definition, rape. Even or especially brainwashed slaves. Being raped does not create whores. Please look more into the issues surrounding rape, sexual slavery and cultural ideas of male violence that perpetuate these crimes.
Even if you disagree or think that this is an over reaction, I'd like to point out that using those terms in the manner that you have is going to alienate readers- not just "femnazis" but anyone who finds blaming the victim or glorifying sexual exploitation distasteful.
For a clever but succinct talk on this, please look up a TED Talk by Jackson Katz called 'Violence Against Women- It's A Men's Issue'. It's less than 20 mins long. And please keep writing. :)
| Amidamaru88 chapter 42 . 5/14/2014
any progress with the rewrite?
| FinalGuardian chapter 13 . 5/9/2014
I absolutely LOVE the scene with Grunt and Liara, now we get to see the woman who became the Shadow Broker.
| thepkrmgc chapter 19 . 5/9/2014
a lab in a reaper ship is a bad idea, wrex is/should be smarter then that
| thepkrmgc chapter 18 . 5/9/2014
and mirandas pulled a jack, while jack is being raised by the loving zorah family
the shakarian bit got weird, i think i prefer the epic mshep/garrus bromance
| thepkrmgc chapter 17 . 5/9/2014
ok so the stonemason is aligned with the reapers,
the quarians are part of the earth bloc, and presumably the geth with them, has geth entered galatic socety yet?
| thepkrmgc chapter 16 . 5/9/2014
i can buy into turians enjoying the beach differently but to be amased by skipping stones (where did she find them anyway on the fine sand beach?) is a bit much, this is an age of space travel and the interwebs, a skipping stone pales in comparison