|Reviews for Massed Up 2|
| Lfan8 chapter 13 . 2/28
It's absolutely awesome to see you back writing again. Can't wait to see where this story goes.
| Michae1ange1o chapter 13 . 2/27
Four years? crazy isn't it. I went to your youtube channel, that Firefall is nuts, maybe you should borrow the holographic wings idea eh? call em omniwings or something, small brifcase sized thing strapped to your back, the tech is simple using mass effect fields and cheese.
I'd have probably invested in thermal clip tech, maybe patented it before shit becomes popular, use your future knowledge to make cash and influence people dude. Blackmail the Asari with the Athame temple Prothian beacon, the Turians with the Tuchanka nuke, to get the licenses you need. Get Anderson to make a secret damn backup of the mars archive, hint it'd be one of the first places the Reapers would attack and check the last year in the archive to see if the Prothians were developing weapons, maybe suggest that if there was a beacon on Eden Prime maybe there is even more buried. Leave random posts in forums containing three words, (Heretics, Old Machines) and the Geth will be in touch. In Mass Effect 2 Tell Aria that Cerberus intends to capture Omega somehow.
I'm surprised Alex never recognised the voice of Nyreen on Omega. He does need those gene mods, you do realise they raise all your physical atributes to olympic athlete levels don't you? the increase is significant, that's like Batman levels, the illegal mods can add on top of that.
| V-rcingetorix chapter 13 . 2/26
Don't worry about update timing; life happens, and then we do stuff with it. So long as you keep writing, FF will keep sending notifications, so no problem is had.
Ok, review mode.
You've made your characters 3-dimensional, that is to say, rounded. That's good, and makes it easier in the long run. Of course, you could run with flat characters, but that gets old pretty fast. Incidentally, I love how you handle Wrex; an excellent mix of apathy and aggression, with a faint touch of sarcasm, lol.
Improvements; hmmm. Your writing style is decent, and the SpaG is good (Spelling and Grammar). That's half the battle right there. What I'd like to see is a little faster pace, but that's a delicate subject. If you push it too fast, then you have problems with scene-jumping, and time-skips. One of the worst fics I've read had the main characters spend 3 chapters struggling through a desert, and then in the final paragraph of the third chapter, he did a timeskip denoted solely by (3 days later), and a 50 word "yay we're out of the desert" paragraph. Bad. Badbadbadbad.
However, you can accelerate by far more sophisticated means. If you start a scene farther ahead than absolutely necessary, you can include 'previous' actions with flashbacks, reminiscing conversation, or simply treat it as if it were normal. A big part of writing is treating reality as if it were normal; having the characters gasp at every new thing, or analyze every minute detail just kills it. You are doing very well there, treating the ME universe as if it were normal, so don't worry about that.
You might want to join the Aria's Afterlife Forum, if only for their Review Tag (which is pretty good!). You can get some constructive criticism (mostly), and ideas for other writing projects there.
Keep up the good work!
| Mahiro55 chapter 13 . 2/26
Love the direction the story is going hope you keep it up. Can't wait for the next chapter :)
| Phoenix1222 chapter 1 . 2/26
OK. let me say this. I love Mass Effect and you... are fucking awesome. I was sold at your bio because I understand all those topics. If I could I would be doing the "we are not worthy!" bowing down to you from Wayne's World. But joking aside, love the fics. And I am sad to say that your grammar and spelling is better than some adults I know. And they are in their fucking 30's! But if you have any tips you can give me, that would be awesome. Thanks for listening to me babble like a idiot.
| FluffyPizzaPie chapter 13 . 2/26
I love Wrex. And I love your portrayal of him as well.
I'm glad you're actually taking the time to develop Alex, instead of just instantly giving him super-powers like most authors would do.
Keep up the good work!
| Shadow knight1121 chapter 13 . 2/26
Wow I had forgotten about this story. This was a long time conning. Great job this was a very great chapter.
| Ranger Station Charlie chapter 13 . 2/26
Welcome back once again, finding a stable job sucks.
| FtDLulz chapter 13 . 2/26
Hah, I honestly didn't expect this to update for a long, long while. Glad to see I was proven wrong :3
And wow, four years before the story started? I can still remember seeing it for the first time in your stories and being pretty excited.
Thanks so much for the new chapter, I loved it! :D
| StarSerpent chapter 13 . 2/26
Damn...that long already? I feel old now.
And while this will sound hypocritical, your update rate is slow. Like, Elcor-slow. Then again, so is mine...
Pot calling the kettle black aside, it's great to see that you've updated. I thought this story had died already, y'know...
| Tactus501st chapter 13 . 2/26
Been awhile I like the new chapter great job
| Gaga Hax chapter 13 . 2/25
You're right! You suck! Oh my god, you suck! Like seriously, you suck! And yet I keep comming back to read the next chapter whenever it's up. Just... Fuck you.
Seriously though, however painfully slow it might be, it's still quite an awesome read, I wouldn't be here if I didn't think it was. In this particular chapter I really enjoyed that conversation at the bar, especially the comeback at Jorrun. Speaking of him I hope the hint I've seen in there actually exists and the guy will be getting better treatment from Alex soon. I feel kinda bad for both of them when they talk to each other. Wishing they'd be less agressive. I know it's what guys usually do, but right now it seems like it could get out of hand, I'd hate that.
And by the way, I do like the interations chapters more than action-filled ones. :P
Anywho... Thanks for another great chapter. Looking forward to the next one. (Read: See you in a few months).
P.s. I WILL check out your channel, since you insist, but I have to say I'm not a fun of gameplay vids, prefer to play the games myself, you know? So uhm... yeah.
Good luck out there!
| Krulla Chief chapter 13 . 2/25
I do not have a slowpoke image macro big enough to express my feelings about this chapter. Also, I checked out you youtube channel, and while I like you content, most of the time I have so many other people and their stuff to check up on, such as Let's Play and The Runaway Guys.
Either way keep up the good work.
| The guest chapter 12 . 1/14
Please update soon this is really cool
| conan.lagace chapter 12 . 1/9
Kinda fucking awesome, can't wait for more, you do a great Job at making him weak enough yet still awesome