|Reviews for The Hourglass|
| RionaEire chapter 6 . 8/14/2013
I think you did better here than you thought you did, it sounded good. I personally find it helpful to get some perspective about events that is coming from other places besides River, to round out what River experiences so the lucid reader can reckon it out. But that isn't really necessary. Its obvious that River is figuring out what she should do and I think she's going to try to save Simon, probably by giving herself up. Your River seems to know a lot, beyond thought reading and empath stuff. Some people interpret River as being able to see the future, some don't, I'm flexible I suppose, though I don't think River should know _everything that will happen, but knowing a bit doesn't really bother me. I personally take the idea that she can't do much future reading, but if people write her to be able to do some it doesn't bother me and I'm fine with it. Especially since River's abilities are left rather open ended in the show.
| RionaEire chapter 5 . 6/26/2013
Pretty good, these types of rescue stories are always interesting. You're doing ... okay with River. I'm totally cool with River piloting on days when she's lucid enough, but she is touched enough and in such a way that there would be days when she wouldn't be lucid enough to do it, Miranda or no Miranda. Way logic figures it all Miranda would have done is A give River the realization that she has super fighting skills that she can use to save her family when needed. And B, possibly decrease her nightmare load a bit, but not all the way, the trauma of her academy experience is enough to give her plenty of nightmares. "A completely coherant River means writers don't deliver" Kat Taya. That being said its ... okay so far. I think you might tone down the dialect a bit when writing from Mal's POV. Sure some dialect is warranted, but not as much as for Jayne. Looking forward to seeing what happens next.
| Guest chapter 4 . 6/25/2013
love the story. If you want to see into Jaynes motivation watch Ariel and the last half of serenity. he's more complex than he looks.
| femmefan1946 chapter 4 . 6/24/2013
I think you are doing a decent job with the voices. Telling each crew member's story in the appropriate voice is a good plan.
I will enjoy following this story.
| schur655 chapter 4 . 6/24/2013
I like the way you portrayed Jayne, as more complicated and explaining his motivations during the Ariel episode, besides the obvious. You did his voice well also. I am glad you have Jayne accepting the Tams without the romance angle.
| TheAmazingDave chapter 3 . 6/23/2013
Well, I'm interested! I can't wait for more!
| schur655 chapter 3 . 6/23/2013
I like this so far, the voices are good. It reads easily. Your view of Post BDM River seems different than mine so far. I am interested to see what you do with her. I like the Mal/Inara connection and Zoe seems spot on to me. The scene between Simon and his father is good. I like that Simon recognizes that strange mix of Core and Rim that calls Serenity home is more of a family than River and Simon ever had growing up.