|Reviews for Darling|
| fattummyturtle chapter 1 . 12/30/2014
Was this supposed to be about rape?
| huh chapter 1 . 12/22/2013
Luffy stutters too much. Like the rest of the story though.
| natalie chapter 1 . 7/29/2013
duuuuuuuude. yaoi is sooooooooo aaaaawwweesome.
| Anonymous chapter 1 . 7/21/2013
This is not a flame, this is constructive criticism: while you may have had a good idea somewhere, it was lost. First off, your editing is off. Spellcheck will catch most of the errors, but certain words, such as "herd" and "heard," just require a second read to ensure correct usage. Your scene transitions probably could be done in story rather than as narrative direction. Something like, "I remember it happened a few months ago," instead of just writing that it's a flashback, or an establishing clause like "I walked all the way back to the ship with him in my arms." The second flashback could have been just in italics. The second flashback, however, is out of place- what was the point of describing that? When did that happen? Why did the audience need to know about it at that moment?
The rape is the real issue here- if you're going to write a story about rape, write a story about rape. Let the characters recover and deal with it. Show the aftershocks. Do not just use it as a device to drive two characters into getting together. Rape is not a turn-on. Even if he would have reacted to their stimulation, a traumatized man generally would not have wanted to perform a sex act after nearly being raped. The problem is that you haven't really depicted rape as a traumatic event that changes the life of the victim- it's just a thing that happened to the non-dominant male, and while you by no means depicted it as positive, you did not give it the weight it deserves.
On the bright side, I do appreciate the protective relationship Zolo and Luffy share. That's usually the way I would view it and depict it. Luffy generally isn't in need of protection, but Zolo's personality makes him want to protect, and you did capture that. However, I cannot agree with the reasoning behind it here.
You are not a bad author, but you have made some mistakes. If this is your first story, then kudos on it- I've been writing for years and I still make some spelling and usage mistakes. This is not a bad story, it's a flawed story, and you can do better.
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/15/2013
| Rageaholic Anonymous chapter 1 . 7/12/2013
:'D so sweet! i loved i!it was perfect!
| XxMotleyCrueFanxX chapter 1 . 6/29/2013
Omg. Zoro! You fantastic man! I have new respect for ya!
Seriously though, this was awesome. I love how Zoro is in it. :D
| goldluka chapter 1 . 6/28/2013
this is lovely3
zoro had done well killing the stupid gang
| gaarablack chapter 1 . 6/23/2013
Luffy was cute, and innocent in this fic! I just loved it! vary good!
| ChowHound chapter 1 . 6/22/2013