|Reviews for Flight School|
| Rose-Aki chapter 1 . 8/11/2013
It was so cute that after Sam said she believes in Danny he was able fly. I really liked your one-shot :)
| Invader Johnny chapter 1 . 7/2/2013
I take it this takes place a few days after Danny gained his ghost powers?
If so then this would be the earliest DxS momento ever! heh heh heh.
Invader Johnny Signing Off.
| MushuFireLorde chapter 1 . 7/2/2013
mush and fluff and cotton candy, My old fav show was billy and mandy. The second line is very irrelevant, but I just added it to rhyme.
| thats-a-moray chapter 1 . 7/2/2013
Scattershots made me curious about your writing, so I decided to tag you again!
This was a really cute fic. You managed to do a lot with a minimal word count. A few things I noticed: twice, you described Danny as 'shaking' and 'trembling' respectively. I'm not really sure what that means in this context. Is he trembling/shaking because he's nervous/afraid? Or is he shaking himself off, as if in preparation for something, or to keep his head clear?
[...ghost instincts would kick in and Danny would simply slip through the ground of the secluded meadow before reappearing...] Minor nitpick: Consider dropping a hint about their location slightly earlier in the story. One way you could do this is when you mention how easily Danny gets distracted, you could give an example such as a squirrel or a bird, to give the reader a hint that we're outside.
On that note, I liked the time you spent describing Danny's strengths and weaknesses when it comes to flight. I liked that the only time he's able to hover is when he's not thinking about it. It reminds me a bit of Peter Pan, who can only fly when he's thinking happy thoughts. Again, this makes me interested to know how he's becoming distracted. Is he distracting himself with things around him or is Sam doing the distracting?
Speaking of details, this is one story where I think it would really benefit from having more descriptive details about the meadow. Where is it? (A far away location, like in the woods, would show how dangerous Sam and Danny realize these powers are and the need for secrecy; it would also show that Sam is willing to go a long way out of her way to help Danny.) How much litter is there, if any? (I was picturing an idyllic setting; adding litter would add a touch of realism to undercut the romantic mood, hinting that not everything is perfect.) What is the weather like? (The mood of this story makes me think sunny.) These are just a few examples of how you can use the setting to play with tone. What you do with it is up to you. :)
It was really cute when Danny hugged Sam. I especially liked: ["Danny… air," she gasped, not too bothered by the exhilaration.]
[After a long moment, she whispered in Danny's ear.] is interesting, too. The whispering in Danny's ear implies intimacy. What's clever is you've made it appear as though Sam is much more aware of the romance in this scene than Danny is. Typical boy. :P Good work!
[When Danny flailed (comically) for a forty seventh time as he looked down, Sam resisted the urge to drop her face into her palm in frustration.] the forty-seventh time (As an aside, consider removing 'as he looked down.' You already mentioned that doing this causes him to screw up and I think it would make the sentence flow much better if you took it out.)
[Popping out the ground mere feet from Sam, Danny raced to her and bundled her in a tight hug.] out of the ground
| ReadingBlueWolf chapter 1 . 6/28/2013
Okay, this is totally a blast from the past. It’s been forever since I’ve watched this show and you brought me right back into it. I seriously wish you had written this from a first person perspective because I could hear Danny saying these things. Or maybe even Sam’s perspective. You would do a wonderful job in that.
I like how you spoke on Danny having trouble with gravity. The fact he had trouble getting over the fact he was weightless was a really nice struggle to display and very realistic. I like the fact Danny could fly when he wasn’t thinking about it and when he was told to move he’d panic and fall. That was really cute. “"Common Danny,” I think you mean “C’mon, Danny”. The way it’s written doesn’t exactly make sense. I like that Sam says she believes in him. That’s adorable. The part about Danny’s eye flying open in joy seemed a little off to me. I’m not exactly sure why, but it seemed weird. The fact he flew because she believed in him seemed like a Peter Pan moment. I loved it. That was really cool.
I did like the fluff. I thought the story could have flowed better with more description and longer paragraphs. Overall, it was a really cute story.
| DjinniFires chapter 1 . 6/25/2013
This is a sweet little piece with good sharp details.
The world of Danny Phantom (of which I'm only vaguely aware) is presented without confusion - even such odd things as being a ghost boy with ghost instincts.
The tension between being "distracted" and being able to fly vs. having the common sense to be aware of gravity and falling is good. It's a nice parallel to Danny's spontaneously hugging Sam in exhilaration vs. leaping backwards in shame. This sentence is particularly nice: [Then he trembled in the air and that pesky gravity took hold of his common sense once again.]
The relationship between Danny and Sam is well-portrayed (so that this little scene could fit into a longer piece) - both how close they are and how far they have to go.
Perhaps group some of the sentences to make a few longer paragraphs for variety (so long as you're not grouping different speakers into the same paragraph).
Paragraph 10: The phrase "for a forty seventh time" should be "for the forty-seventh time."
Paragraph 12: Due to verb tense, the first sentence is a fragment. It probably should be "Slowly, ever so slowly, his frantic movements [grew] steadier and steadier to the point where they eventually settled and Danny was left floating freely in his own control."
Paragraph 20: a preposition is missing: "Popping out [of] the ground mere feet from Sam..."
Paragraph 23: an apostrophe is missing: "...the look of shame on her friend[']s face."
| chadtayor020 chapter 1 . 6/24/2013
Nice little fluff. Had some spelling mistakes though.
| DannySamLover20 chapter 1 . 6/24/2013
aww! nice job!
| Princess Unikitty chapter 1 . 6/24/2013
i liked it!