|Reviews for The Last Shall Be First|
| Pianist707 chapter 1 . 7/19/2013
(Too lazy to login)
This is a really surprising choice for a crossover. I believe this is the only one I got seriously hooked to. It has a few errors in grammar and spelling, but I don't mind. Keep going!
| captain noname chapter 3 . 7/3/2013
The idea of an Avengers/TLoU story is a bit far fetched BUT ITS GOOD UPDATE IT I hate cliffhangersc:-)
| NobleAngelique chapter 1 . 7/2/2013
This is really good and I love your style of writing. I also like the twist of some of the Avengers being in the story. Can't wait for the next chapter :D
| xoVanilla-Bean chapter 3 . 7/2/2013
Commas. COMMAS. COMMMAAASSSS. I'm just gonna keep on nagging you until you put them in before your quotations, haha. But I have to commend you for the other places you put them, because they are much more well-used than the last chapter!
Story-wise, you're really making it move. I love action sequences (you can't really tell by the things I write, haha, but still, I do). And it seems like you're comfortable with writing it. It was fun to read this chapter, and I enjoyed it.
Sometimes, I think some of your wording is overdramatic. It's always a kind of journey when you're falling into your own writing style, and
I totally understand that. I still experiment all the time, and I don't know if I'll ever truly have my own, licensed style, haha. With that said, I don't want to be overbearing in my criticism. If you would like my criticism about it, (your wording, tone, etc) just message me and just let me know! If not, tell me, and I'll let you do your thing!
| Biffy Slayer chapter 1 . 7/1/2013
This is definitely my favorite crossover yet. I love the villain you chose and who you decided to add so far. Good choices by the way. Please continue this because it is awesome.
| UnderminetheAuthority chapter 3 . 6/30/2013
HOLY shit. My heart just stopped. You are fucking good at making an interesting story! UPDATE soon!
| tigerbalm chapter 1 . 6/28/2013
Interesting crossover. Can't wait to see where it goes.
| xoVanilla-Bean chapter 2 . 6/28/2013
You've created good story progress - I like the introduction of a villain, and the tension it brings being so close to Ellie and Joel. Jimmy's jealousy is completely amusing to me. It makes me kind of feel bad for him, considering what you've given to us about his personality. He kind of seems like one of those pesky guys that you really don't want to have a crush on you. LOL. It'll definitely be interesting to see how both Ellie's react to one another. Being the same person, I don't' know if that'll mean they'll get on great/wonderful/awesome or if it'll bring total, angsty discord, or even both. Will Joel's affection be shared or will they have to vie for his attention? Oh, I know! They should just clone another Joel. ;) It also makes me happy that Maria's pregnant, and that Ellie's already learned how to play the guitar.
For my constructive criticism, I HAVE to point out how there should be a comma before each quotation at the end of a line of speech. Last chapter, I had thought it was an oversight, but it was in every sentence in this chapter that didn't have a question mark or a period. It's nit-picky, but it is one of the most basic rules in writing a story with speech. That's my main beef about this. It kind of compounded my irritation as I was reading through this, since I know that you're a better writer than that.
Another thing I noticed was the absence of commas in other places. It would really help the clarity in some of your paragraphs, like this one: "He immediately followed what in the wastes of the United States was the standard protocol for surrender." If you added a comma before 'in the wastes' and after 'States', it'd read and look better. When my eyes don't have a break in the sentence, it all sounds rushed and uncomfortable. And other places needed a comma, like when you start out a sentence with an adverb. The places where you did put commas were great.
I saw a lot of the sentences were fragments. While they can be good for clipped tones and intense scenes, I wasn't sure if that was the tone you were going for, or if you were just trying to convey quick thoughts and descriptions. I feel like there were too many of them to have a good, set chapter pace. It made everything kind of clunky, and while the chapter was still a nice read, I was distracted by the errors that I encountered.
I'm excited about what happens next. A big battle? Death? Blood and guts and so much carnage, I'm blinded by it? Explosions? Those would be awesome. Haha. Update soon!
| BenignViewer chapter 2 . 6/27/2013
Wow, things are heating up quickly, but I like it. You are developing things towards action, without rushing character development at all. I am very curious as to how the Ellie and Ellie meeting will work out. While Joel will be distrustful I'm sure, I can't see him rejecting her. The orignal Ellie will no doubt he weireded out, but I think she will enjoy having a sister - a twin, if you will - which is waht I believe their family dynamic will evolve to become.
It's interesting to see the duality of Johan Schmidt in this chapter, and Natasha's cold professionalism. the integration of other characters is also seamless and I like the way Ellie's clone tries to consider her own identity. Very well done.
All of this bodes well for the next chapter. Again the only flaws are with grammar. I won't go through it here, but I will gladly look this over when I get the e-mail. On the whole though, the number of errors is less than the opening chapter, which is impressive, and makes this all the more enjoyable.
All the best;
| xoVanilla-Bean chapter 1 . 6/27/2013
I know I already told you this, but this is a really interesting idea, super ambitious, and has so much potential.
Your writing is solid, and it's structured well. There are some easy grammar mistakes that are in here that you'd probably see on a second read through ('greats' should be 'grates' and 'paper thing' to 'paper thin', and several possessive mistakes). Those kinds of mistakes can take away from the reading, and sometimes the value of the story. I'm a grammar nazi when I read, sorry. ;)
The pacing is good, and I really liked some of your word choices. "Fleshy shadows" and "...no blood marinating" were both good descriptions. I don't think I've seen the words 'blood' and 'marinating' in the same sentence, haha. And that's awesome!
I'll be reading the next chapter, now(:
| LittleSlytherin chapter 2 . 6/27/2013
Oh, sure thing! :) Although... I gotta admit I know pretty much nothing about The Avengers. I'm pretty sure I was in the room when it was on, but I don't really remember much... But I know The Last of Us, so everything should be fine... And so far I'm not lost or confused. ;) But yeah! At this point it's off to a really good start! A clone of Ellie is a really fascinating idea and I can't wait to see how our two heroes are going to react to her. Especially since she has shared memories with the real Ellie. Should be interesting. And aaaah, the most dangerous man alive is in the town with Joel and Ellie?! You've left me in suspense. I really look forward to the next update. :D
| Princess Unikitty chapter 2 . 6/27/2013
i like the story, but why wouldn't you put it in the crossovers category?
| BenignViewer chapter 1 . 6/27/2013
I'd actually written a review for this story before I got your PM but sadly, my PC crashed before I could submit it.
It was a really lengthy and detailed review too, because I absolutely loved the opening your new story gave.
I'm going to give a somewhat lesser summary, and I will make more detailed feedback available for you if you continue to PM me.
Still in summary, I said this was the best opening to a fic I've read of the 57 and counting (I have read them all) fics in the 'The Last of Us' fandom. I said something along the lines of you being the Jesus of characterisation, and while I felt that you changed the nature of your story from the game somewhat, stripping back the altruistic illusions placed upon the Fireflies, and creating a dynamic of 'hope' in the form of superheroes that The Last of Us (intentionally) lacked. Yet I said words to the extent of not minding in the slightest, that despite the integration being noticeable (how could it not, after all, it's the Avengers!) you pulled it off with a deft touch that perpetuated the atmosphere of the game more than any other story in the fandom thus far, outisde of one-shot character studies.
Lets see, I waxed poetic for a bit, then came to teh negative feedback in terms of a few nasty grammar hold ups. However, I've always been the first to say that its not a story's grammar that will turn me off, but its style and plot - and if you haven't figured it out yet, I believe you have a really captivating stlye and the intriguing opening to a plot. I provided a caveat here - that I have not yet seen enough of the plot unfold to pass judgement, but I did say words to the effect that I was both hopeful and impressed by this that from the beginning this story seemed to have a certain weight and patience in its development, and although it is quite the statement to mkae from just the introductory chapter, that is the impression the story's tone left on me.
All the best;
| MEChuckster chapter 1 . 6/26/2013
Wow this is pretty clever! Never thought of doing SHIELD crossover. I'm looking forward to future chapters, maybe a bit longer and more dialogue? Though it is only the first chapter so there's a lot to build on.