Reviews for Be With Me
SYOC chapter 18 . 4/6/2014
Please. Write. More.
Smile or else chapter 16 . 11/26/2013
Smile or else chapter 14 . 11/18/2013
Aw! :)
Smile or else chapter 13 . 11/13/2013
Thanks for the update :) can't wait for the next one
Guest chapter 13 . 11/12/2013
P.S. the army in the avengers is called the chitauri ;) if this is the army Loki had in New York during the avengers .
Smile or else chapter 12 . 8/19/2013
The Kaitie Kat chapter 2 . 7/9/2013
I love this. I just think it would be better to put the special thanks at the end of the story.
Smile or else chapter 11 . 7/9/2013
:) update really soon, I can't wait :D
Smile or else chapter 9 . 7/6/2013
Nimbus Llewelyn chapter 2 . 7/5/2013
Okay. This is so bad it is painful. I am sorry, it just is.

I saw the summary - classic sue. Steve's life goal is not protect one random woman. His goal is to protect innocent people. She may be one of them. ONE.

Moving on, the first chapter. Short, but that isn't a crime in and of itself. The fact it starts in medias res, without any lead in, or any sign that it's a cold open (most tv shows use them, pre credits), is a minus point. What is Loki doing? Why is he trying to kill one random mortal? And why in the name of sanity is he using a nuclear reactor to do it? He could snap her neck in a heartbeat.

As for the character... okay, please, please, please tell me she's a parody. She's literally the classic sue. Dark and troubled, stereotypical self esteem issues (doubtless she turns out to be beautiful after all), is somehow judged to be a 'great Avenger' based on some weird brain scan. What does she bring to the team? What talents does she have? If she's so helpless against Loki and an insecure mess, why the hell would she be a potential member?

The last line doesn't make any sense. Cost more than a million?

And is English your first language? If not, fair play. If it is, good god, you need to work on your writing skills.

Look, I'm not trying to be mean. It may come off that way, but I'm not. I just want to help you. My advice, scrap the story, and rewrite it. Ask for help from other writers. Learn a bit. Everyone starts somewhere, and the fact that you're writing five figure length stories is only a good thing.


RedDwarf chapter 5 . 7/2/2013
nice story so far
LoserWhoWaits chapter 1 . 6/30/2013
wow... i have never read anything like this... awesome!
EpiclyStrange chapter 2 . 6/30/2013
Oh my gosh! This is the best story ever written and I am super shocked at how well you made this! Please continue and I am so Team Toreve!