Reviews for Terminal
Deanne Marie Cullen chapter 30 . 11/14/2014
I loved this story in the beginning ...but towards the end ...you lost me.

*How could Bella have a whole in her hand and it be okay by the time she got home to Charlie and he not say anything about it?
*Why is everything okay with the Volturi?
*Bella has "Terminal" cancer but it hasn't been resolved in this story?
*You end the story without her being changed? with no resolution about if/when she'll be a Vampire?

There are too many wholes in the last 5 chapters of this story. What happened?
TwilightCr8zed chapter 10 . 11/2/2014
I don't think she was being childish because she is a child. She's never experienced such feelings so she doesn't completely understand them. That's my opinion. Love the story.
MandaMay1324 chapter 30 . 10/21/2014
I honestly think this needs a sequel! It ended very abruptly and had no real ending like does she get changed, how does Charlie handle it, do E and B get into a fight this next year, etc
zpower21 chapter 12 . 10/13/2014
These characters are all over the place and wat too ooc to be believable. I don't normally complain when a character is ooc, but this is all of them and it's just too much.

Z
zpower21 chapter 10 . 10/13/2014
Edward is acting too dumb for his vampiric brain.

,Z
zpower21 chapter 8 . 10/12/2014
So, you asked for it... I like the premise of the story. It has a lot of potential. It just lacks at this point. There's only surface skimming, no depth. The character and the plot itself lack something. It just has an off feeling while being read. It's hard to explain. Your grammar is ok, but it too seems off. Nothing technically speaking, really. Not glaringly.

With that said, it really does have a lot of potential. I'm not blasting you or your writing. You asked for input.

Z
BridieM chapter 30 . 10/8/2014
Thanks for ending their story. I wish you well with your future writing. : D
BridieM chapter 29 . 10/8/2014
Good chapter. :D
Jocelynlynn chapter 30 . 10/8/2014
OMG wonderful story but PLEASE PLEASE do a Future outtake... you can't just leave us hanging after all of that! one like 5 or 20 years in the future! Thank you for writing a great story!
Debbie Hicks chapter 30 . 10/6/2014
here is a Longest but more monstrous Sample yet to come:

Chapter 1 all the Sudden from the Implantion of the movie eye contact lens and the tape Suddenly Violently went Craziest causing me to Suddenly to Pss Away too soon from Cancer and it really happened to me my open eyes Suddenly Turned a unholiest but Blood Red Color of my irises suddenly fused and took a unsteatiest but hard but good longst breath suddenly altering my hallowiest but godforsaking lungs with Alice keeping guard took a airless breath of undead life and Hissed very vicious but my new hair Grown back differently and had bangs but myskin was all-pure grantie but marble oh my GOD Bella you died and you are so iciest stone Cold but marble what are you I am a Vampire just a newborn kind turned my best friends and the Vulcans I Drained is their blood and you helped me and it suddenly Changing me into your species too late and my organs are frozen but safe-guarded I smelt more Vulcan all of them my eyes is Onyx oh my god we are the same race your hair it returned ican't hear your heartbeat it's gone you can't be killed you are now a Newborn vampire with lets go hunting both of her species then Sprang very but broken outside from the deceased body vanished spotless I with my reunited best friends finished but I was getting hungries again so deeply thirsty and all the sudden could smell everything then spied my prey with their own suddenly in a fit of pure newborn rage anger grief and sorrow and I Gave as Sharpest Command THRE TWO ONE ATTACK! The First and them all oif the Vulcassns and all the Humans with the very all of them and all of the Sudden suddenly went unstable totalliest alkl of the Sudden the scout of the Volturi barged into the Volturi palace Aro there is Trouble into America the Cullens with their own Allies they Are Carnivorous Exposure to our kind and they Killed them all of the very much more and all of them are Vulcans and Humans Gave Vulcan and Human venom all of them who Could not Control themselves are Now Rouge Vampire Outlaws to our race and the Volturi Guard Killed them in to flames and brought the Still Aliver with the other Nomads and Hulien and Joham with as all of them very much more Monstrous of them Master they were Hunting again found one newborn vampire Attacking it is Bella Cullen now WHAT?! She died of Cancer but these ones are Infected by human diseases from their last lives burst outside from their bodies are still alive are now your Brainwashed but trained prizes what the Charge Exposure of our kind and it is Death for Irina you Nomads withg you both arte not allowed to live GUARDS EXECUTE THEM NOW! It came too late all of the Sudden ourselves with as all of the turned broken free but Using my mental shield to escape and the Volturi were furious onto us but the machine took away our seeds with their own seeds to create kids born Vampire children Exploding with us/them lost the Bodies with their own but suddenly became a new breed of people with the kids were hybrids were Venomous like us/them in both genders broken Free and lost them but both bodies vanished lost to the Volturi killed us/them myself was so healthiest but it happened my organs were dead at long last I was now a Vampire then my hair looked much more healthiest but gained Planetary powers but my gift merged but suddenly I felt so different gained Muscle and I was leaner more Athletic became fit as a fiddle and felt a tail of a cat then Suddenly remembered the Words of my planet BETAZED CRYSTAL POWER! MAKE-UP! My roaring but more strongest but more powerful scream activated my planetary gift both were one grabbed it and transformed into a fiercer but battler-harden warrior of the planet Betazed suddenly own Speech came out more angriest than normal I Am the Pretty Suited Guardian of the MIND AND THE SOUL Guards over BETAZED! I Am the Swordswoman of the Holiest rings of RIXX! Oh the behalf of the planet BETAZED I Righty wrong and triumph over that's means YOU! Oh man she is one hot fox warrior chick then my own each teammates were done what are you Bella Cullen I AM SUPER SAILOR BETAZED THE GUARDIAN OF THE MIND AND THE SOUL IS HERE! Threw my mask off elegantly manga way like from the Anime she is our leader yes I am team we must train harder than normal your Majesties I knelt to her and her mate with the princess so they She is a new bred of sailor guardian is a Vampire slayer blue-green skirt long flowing gloves earring boots and blood red bows three things white bodysuit what this this your transformation brooch you joined us in death Werewolves of the 30th century wityh your mates and kids oh my god what happened to us oh man I feel so stronger mess with us you are sushi youmas we now can speak the Japanese language Mother I am glowing and creating a wormhole Daughter HENSHIN YO! BAJOR CRYSTAL POWER! MAKE-UP! Then Reneesme Cullen suddenly Exploded and took one final turn on her long arm and suddenly transformed into S
MACMONKEY chapter 30 . 10/7/2014
Loved it and can't wait for the next chapter!(:
Gasanechi chapter 15 . 8/8/2014
Meh, This fic has a good story line but it's not for me, I just wish you didn't add the whole Edward/Tanya thing. The one thing I loved about Canon!Edward is his inexperience,... so yeah, it kinda ruined it for me.
sujari6 chapter 28 . 6/20/2014
He needs to change her soon.
Debbie Hicks chapter 28 . 5/23/2014
then suddenly my self felt something very too wrong Ws going into shock then Edward Did somingthing very Weirdest but strangest Had to Bite my Center of my Neck to Keep myself Alive then all the sudden the Burning Began too late and the heaviest doses of the Venom was too much and too monstrous and too massive and too biggest and too largest and too heaviest much more then kept myself very too quiest then Screamed I Was Transforming into a Vampire and then finally released my own neck very gently then all the sudden my hair grown back to normal gaining bangs and never grew back the way it was then then suddenly totalliest burned very too heaviest and it reached my own heart suddenly went silent I Relaxed afterwards then then Flashed open my Crimson eyes my skin was sparking in Diamonds like crystal gave venom to keep me healthiest and alive then it happened Broken outside of my own corpse then the machines stopped I Was deceased then the both was taken away dead of Cancer of 18 years old but myself was Sparking but glowing forever 18 years old unable to have kids could adopt children unable rest and my throat smelt something huge like Coyotes will be my rebirth Edward yes look at me we are mated at long last Bella we are Together in death we too Burst outside and Welcome how is she appears have no cancer you bit her at the center the only cure is your venom she is Cured with the rest of the your Bodies are Deported to Italy for the Volturi she needs is Blood see these planetary people they are called the Vulcans go forth you both and Bite and drain their blood of the both yes Sir then so we did all the sudden we Attacked each both My best friends and the Vulcans were with child were All Drained very way totally drained and then all the sudden all of their own Screams and then used a waych and used my mental shield to cover us up and then all the sudden the Denalis arrived then Attacked more Vulcans and then all of the Sudden each both of the planetary races were all suddenly drained of Blood and all Animal blood made us a whole lot stronger then their own screams then used my watch again then they all of them awakened then they all became Vampires and but all of their own bodies broken apart and then deported here and wrre into a Boat they later hatched out kids grown hybrids others kids then the Volturi were furious again then enraged of us hunting as much many animals and her own people drained the Blood all of their own systems became Wild Vampires gathering up all of the Vulcans was totalliest drained As Wild Vampires then all of the sudden then the 4 Pack were Silenced with their mated/infected women with us and them broken outrsider with as very all of the Interplanetarey Lycans broken outside as a Cursed people in both forms the Scout rain to the doors it terrible something changed their diet it's Both and they are Carnivorous vampires and Bella Cullen is blood mated to Edward we Captured Irina of the Denali had a replacement member what we do KILL HER DESTROY THE BODIES FIRST AND RIP THEM APART WITH THEM! so that was it we were killed and destroyed by the Volturi had us murdered and killed the seeds from the bodies and Women went into labor had medical skills and then finally their kids only eight of them aged to children too soon were kids then I Taught Garrett to hunt very proper but he was Converted became mated to Kate met the Poisoned others who broken outside of their own bodies with the Nomads as well were mated we Created a very low but titanic coven to call our own the Crystal Millennium with turned People then they later hatch out hybrids and the Vulcans went along their own bodies each both and all of them wrre now Vegetarians joined our unification of a one coven then could not mate or reproduce the bodies of us and them but the other bodies were taken to Italy then Destroyed us and as very all of them with the pack members with their Immortal children and hybrids then burned them all of the burned corpses but all of the very way all of them removed as very all of the Artemista and their own witnesses and much many more and all of the very last ones with the bodie of the Victoria and the 5 members burned released more of them then the now orphaned sibling became our adopted kids the others adopted families then they were done with us they very all of them reported they are still alive but undead unable but their coven the Crystal Millennium attacked more of the both with the Humans Exposed themselves had been Silenced bring More of our Artemista outside The Bodies must be CREMATED! So more Artemista were all removed and had us killed but destroyed then all the sudden then our Coven/pack was Much more monstrous but low followed a very different but alien law unable to reproduce or mate and it tri-bazillioned more our kind and theirs now I Am healthiest made me run very too fastest to get the newspaper the Headline said ITALY OVERCROWDING With Infected but Diseased VAMPIRES! byt the Great Fire of Rixx Alice what is it You died again but your blood infected the Artemita poisoned their minds bit as very all of the humans are dead vampires drained their blood by luring to their deaths then returned different but infected all of the Italian people had no use of them Alice oh my GOD You became his mate by Venom yes I Am cured and my hair grew back nice bangs very flaring and that chick looks hot oh CRAP What a Sexy Woman She become nice try I Am Taken Mongrel I Spoke sharp but clipped but coldest without feelings I Became a Paranormal queen bee of the both races unified Watch it Buster I Am trained in the Vulcan martial arts you passed a test Bella but you are unable to have kids yes it's a test but passed you bit her too deeply and she now took your Veins is fed of Animal blood her eye color is golden/black is a reanimated corpse of the former Bella Swan Cullen dead of cancer now as a Vegetarian vampire.
BridieM chapter 28 . 5/24/2014
What a come back. Missed you. Did your characters stop talking to you? From my perspective they seem to be shouting at you again. Brilliant chapter. Thank you I totally enjoyed it. :D

On your page you ask for some story recs. these are ones I'm currently following and totally enjoy. All vamps, as I'm a sucker for vamps. AH can be too close to home sometimes.

Masen Manor by drotuno
A Light in the Darkness by JenRar
New Eclipse by TrillionSchiffer
Fireball by 2brown-eyes, and
finally stories by the same author:
Safe by EmilyF.6 and her other one Wrecked. Alternatively check out my page I have lots gathered over the years. :)
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