|Reviews for Terminal|
| aliciaalexander2015 chapter 30 . 8/18
I love it
| AlainaAnnMarie chapter 1 . 12/17/2015
I know you wrote this a while ago, but it is kind of upsetting that you had Edward lose his virginity to someone other than Bella. That was one of the huge things in Twilight, was that he'd only ever felt that for Bella. I do understand where you're coming from though. It's your story, you've got the right to do what you wish.
| Deanne Marie Cullen chapter 30 . 11/14/2014
I loved this story in the beginning ...but towards the end ...you lost me.
*How could Bella have a whole in her hand and it be okay by the time she got home to Charlie and he not say anything about it?
*Why is everything okay with the Volturi?
*Bella has "Terminal" cancer but it hasn't been resolved in this story?
*You end the story without her being changed? with no resolution about if/when she'll be a Vampire?
There are too many wholes in the last 5 chapters of this story. What happened?
| TwilightCr8zed chapter 10 . 11/2/2014
I don't think she was being childish because she is a child. She's never experienced such feelings so she doesn't completely understand them. That's my opinion. Love the story.
| MandaMay1324 chapter 30 . 10/21/2014
I honestly think this needs a sequel! It ended very abruptly and had no real ending like does she get changed, how does Charlie handle it, do E and B get into a fight this next year, etc
| zpower21 chapter 12 . 10/13/2014
These characters are all over the place and wat too ooc to be believable. I don't normally complain when a character is ooc, but this is all of them and it's just too much.
| zpower21 chapter 10 . 10/13/2014
Edward is acting too dumb for his vampiric brain.
| zpower21 chapter 8 . 10/12/2014
So, you asked for it... I like the premise of the story. It has a lot of potential. It just lacks at this point. There's only surface skimming, no depth. The character and the plot itself lack something. It just has an off feeling while being read. It's hard to explain. Your grammar is ok, but it too seems off. Nothing technically speaking, really. Not glaringly.
With that said, it really does have a lot of potential. I'm not blasting you or your writing. You asked for input.
| BridieM chapter 30 . 10/8/2014
Thanks for ending their story. I wish you well with your future writing. : D
| BridieM chapter 29 . 10/8/2014
Good chapter. :D
| Jocelynlynn chapter 30 . 10/8/2014
OMG wonderful story but PLEASE PLEASE do a Future outtake... you can't just leave us hanging after all of that! one like 5 or 20 years in the future! Thank you for writing a great story!
| Debbie Hicks chapter 30 . 10/6/2014
here is a Longest but more monstrous Sample yet to come:
Chapter 1 all the Sudden from the Implantion of the movie eye contact lens and the tape Suddenly Violently went Craziest causing me to Suddenly to Pss Away too soon from Cancer and it really happened to me my open eyes Suddenly Turned a unholiest but Blood Red Color of my irises suddenly fused and took a unsteatiest but hard but good longst breath suddenly altering my hallowiest but godforsaking lungs with Alice keeping guard took a airless breath of undead life and Hissed very vicious but my new hair Grown back differently and had bangs but myskin was all-pure grantie but marble oh my GOD Bella you died and you are so iciest stone Cold but marble what are you I am a Vampire just a newborn kind turned my best friends and the Vulcans I Drained is their blood and you helped me and it suddenly Changing me into your species too late and my organs are frozen but safe-guarded I smelt more Vulcan all of them my eyes is Onyx oh my god we are the same race your hair it returned ican't hear your heartbeat it's gone you can't be killed you are now a Newborn vampire with lets go hunting both of her species then Sprang very but broken outside from the deceased body vanished spotless I with my reunited best friends finished but I was getting hungries again so deeply thirsty and all the sudden could smell everything then spied my prey with their own suddenly in a fit of pure newborn rage anger grief and sorrow and I Gave as Sharpest Command THRE TWO ONE ATTACK! The First and them all oif the Vulcassns and all the Humans with the very all of them and all of the Sudden suddenly went unstable totalliest alkl of the Sudden the scout of the Volturi barged into the Volturi palace Aro there is Trouble into America the Cullens with their own Allies they Are Carnivorous Exposure to our kind and they Killed them all of the very much more and all of them are Vulcans and Humans Gave Vulcan and Human venom all of them who Could not Control themselves are Now Rouge Vampire Outlaws to our race and the Volturi Guard Killed them in to flames and brought the Still Aliver with the other Nomads and Hulien and Joham with as all of them very much more Monstrous of them Master they were Hunting again found one newborn vampire Attacking it is Bella Cullen now WHAT?! She died of Cancer but these ones are Infected by human diseases from their last lives burst outside from their bodies are still alive are now your Brainwashed but trained prizes what the Charge Exposure of our kind and it is Death for Irina you Nomads withg you both arte not allowed to live GUARDS EXECUTE THEM NOW! It came too late all of the Sudden ourselves with as all of the turned broken free but Using my mental shield to escape and the Volturi were furious onto us but the machine took away our seeds with their own seeds to create kids born Vampire children Exploding with us/them lost the Bodies with their own but suddenly became a new breed of people with the kids were hybrids were Venomous like us/them in both genders broken Free and lost them but both bodies vanished lost to the Volturi killed us/them myself was so healthiest but it happened my organs were dead at long last I was now a Vampire then my hair looked much more healthiest but gained Planetary powers but my gift merged but suddenly I felt so different gained Muscle and I was leaner more Athletic became fit as a fiddle and felt a tail of a cat then Suddenly remembered the Words of my planet BETAZED CRYSTAL POWER! MAKE-UP! My roaring but more strongest but more powerful scream activated my planetary gift both were one grabbed it and transformed into a fiercer but battler-harden warrior of the planet Betazed suddenly own Speech came out more angriest than normal I Am the Pretty Suited Guardian of the MIND AND THE SOUL Guards over BETAZED! I Am the Swordswoman of the Holiest rings of RIXX! Oh the behalf of the planet BETAZED I Righty wrong and triumph over that's means YOU! Oh man she is one hot fox warrior chick then my own each teammates were done what are you Bella Cullen I AM SUPER SAILOR BETAZED THE GUARDIAN OF THE MIND AND THE SOUL IS HERE! Threw my mask off elegantly manga way like from the Anime she is our leader yes I am team we must train harder than normal your Majesties I knelt to her and her mate with the princess so they She is a new bred of sailor guardian is a Vampire slayer blue-green skirt long flowing gloves earring boots and blood red bows three things white bodysuit what this this your transformation brooch you joined us in death Werewolves of the 30th century wityh your mates and kids oh my god what happened to us oh man I feel so stronger mess with us you are sushi youmas we now can speak the Japanese language Mother I am glowing and creating a wormhole Daughter HENSHIN YO! BAJOR CRYSTAL POWER! MAKE-UP! Then Reneesme Cullen suddenly Exploded and took one final turn on her long arm and suddenly transformed into S
| MACMONKEY chapter 30 . 10/7/2014
Loved it and can't wait for the next chapter!(:
| Gasanechi chapter 15 . 8/8/2014
Meh, This fic has a good story line but it's not for me, I just wish you didn't add the whole Edward/Tanya thing. The one thing I loved about Canon!Edward is his inexperience,... so yeah, it kinda ruined it for me.
| sujari6 chapter 28 . 6/20/2014
He needs to change her soon.