Reviews for Bloody Roar II: A Killer's Seduction
Demitri Ivanov chapter 2 . 9/19/2007
"The Stubborn never learn"... I love that quote, which is so true
Demitri Ivanov chapter 1 . 9/19/2007
I like the first chapter, very spooky and like the way Busuzima is somewhat manipulative towards Kenji Keep up the good work
Indigo Siren chapter 38 . 9/19/2007
An engaging and yet dark chapter. Those guys made me so angry - poor Uriko, she's not having a good life at the time being. Things going from bad to worse - I feel something might make it all better soon. Damn that Kenji, but thank God he was around when he was.

Very nice stuff! Big thumbs up! :-D
Leebot chapter 38 . 9/18/2007
Okay, sorry this review's not going to be longer, but I wanted to get something up for you while the chapter is still relatively fresh in my mind. Unfortunately, I'm now feeling even worse than I was yesterday, so I'm not up for much.

Well, your characterization of the internal struggle Uriko is going through here seems pretty good. Really have nothing to criticize there. What I would like to bring up, though, is the encounter we the four guys. First of all, their speech style seemed a bit over the top. It resembles a lot more a caricature of street speak than how people like that might actually speak. They also seem to go from zero to rape really quickly. All in all, they feel too over-the-top to be real.

Sorry to be a bit of a downer in this review, but it really did stand out to me how unrealistic these guys seemed. Please don't get too discouraged; I'm still in a crappy mood from a migraine-strength headache that's lasted for hours, so that's weighing in on my attitude a bit.
The Headcrook chapter 3 . 9/17/2007
Wow. You really know how to put on the supense.
Andrew Glasco chapter 38 . 9/17/2007
This chapter feels a lot like Uriko's breaking point. Talk about one hell of a bad day. () I'm looking forward to the next chapter and seeing how you wrap up the attack with those thugs. I have to say, they were crude even for thugs. oO "Assholes" doesn't do them justice...

Anyway, looking forward to chapter 39!
V Guyver chapter 38 . 9/17/2007
O_o She is out of luck this day, just really out of luck. I had a lot of anger grow in me as I read this because of the vile attitudes of those men. Men like them who deserve a brutal beating for me. I did expect Kenji to save her in the last second (no point in lettign her property fall into someone else's hands and be used liek that.) I was correct about Kenji winning, but didn't expect Uriko to be hunted down by more guys for a perverted gangbang act... the comments those guys made are going to make me pissed for a while. This was well written, great job Tiger, and truely as dark as you said it would be. Just wasn't expecting this to look to turn into one of those disturbing Rape doujin scenes.
Leebot chapter 37 . 9/5/2007
Heh, the scene with Uriko trying to guess Kenji's beast form is just so out there, it's funny. It's a pretty damn ridiculous thing to do in the middle of a battle, but I guess the Rule of Funny lets you get away with it. Er, it would if this were a humor fic, at least.

Now, is there any reason why Uriko didn't simply morph right away? It seems kind of pointless to keep fighting in human form at this point. I know in the games there are some preconditions to morphing, but I'm not sure how that really applies in the world. Even if she couldn't maintain it for long, she should realize that it's her only chance. I guess, maybe she thought she'd have a chance outside it and tried to give that a go briefly.

I have to say, at least this battle has something new going for it with them being in their animal forms. All the hand-to-hand combat from before was getting to be just more of the same, but this is something a bit new. Still, combat isn't quite my thing in reading, so it is a bit hard to really get into it.

Little grammatical nitpick in "...the sight of his attained beast form...": "Attained" means he just got it; what you want is "retained," which means he kept it.

And I'm now done, and I for once will have to wait for you to finish writing before I can see where this cliff-hanger will end up. However, your title for this chapter doesn't quite fit with what's happened so far. No one's gotten a victory quite yet, evasive or otherwise. I'm wondering if you meant to have that be in this chapter, but pushed it off to the next. If so, the title might have unintentionally spoiled what's going to happen then. Anyways, keep at your writing and I look forward to reading the next chapter when it's up!
Leebot chapter 36 . 9/5/2007
As always, you do a good job with writing out the combat scenes. However, at this point their presence is kind of wearing on me; it's simply not what I want to read about. However, it could well be what others really like, so I won't complain (too much). I also sometimes wonder if people could really last this long in combat. The human body is more frail than a lot of movies and video games make it out to be, and it's very easy to incapacitate or kill someone with a single, sufficiently powerful blow. Though, I guess these people aren't quite human, so maybe that gives them more endurance.

One thing I'm starting to notice in your writing is that a lot of the simple grammatical mistakes you make are problems with tense (ie. "she agilely flipping backwards"). I'm guessing that what causes these to show up is that you have the idea in your head, but try a few different ways to work the sentence, resulting in one word being left in the form proper for the wrong version of the sentence. Try to keep an eye out for this, and whenever you finish a sentence you've reworked, check to make sure all the verbs are in the proper tense.
Leebot chapter 35 . 9/5/2007
So Long was Uriko's master, eh? I guess that gives at least some tie to the events here, though I'm still not completely sure of the relevance of that section. Ah well, we'll see.

Ah yes, I think I remember this scene here from an e-mail you sent me a while back to illustrate Uriko's character. While that helped a bit, it makes a lot more sense seeing it in context. I have to say, Uriko is really making a good case here. She's not relying on any religious or emotional basis for the value of virginity (as many I've heard have), and making a relatively solid argument. The catch there is that it ends up being a personal situation. If she sees it that way, then the argument works for her. But if someone else sees it as meaning something different or nothing at all, then the argument won't faze them.

Personally, I see the whole thing as one huge rite of passage. Sociologically, rites are very important in the development of a person. They provide definite benchmarks where they can look and say "There, I'm definitely growing." The forms of these rites vary between societies and over time, but they all have them. With the universality of sex, losing one's virginity is one rite that's ingrained into almost all societies. The problem is that due to general prudishness, it doesn't get any societal respect. It is, however, an important individual rite, even if you don't have a big party for it (well, in this society. There have been societies that did have some manner of ceremony for it). But still, the importance of different rites is a largely personal thing. While one person might find this important, another might deem it less so. It's up to each individual how they wish to view it.

Wait, there's actually a character here named "Agent Espionage"? That's almost as bad as Hiro Protagonist from Snow Crash (though in fairness to Snow Crash, it was intended as satire). Please tell me you took that one from the games.

And it looks like we've got another scene with no apparent relevance. I figure you're probably building to something here, so I guess I'll have to wait and see.
Leebot chapter 34 . 9/4/2007
Ohh, this scene with Uriko bashfully showing Kenji what she likes is just so precious! That one actually got me shivering a little. And the rest of it, up

through her climax, was incredibly well-written and paced as well, with a few more shivers along the way.

It's good to see that Uriko hasn't completely given in to him at this point. I can see her being convinced to go this far, but being forced any further

would be a much bigger deal. I'm just disappointed in Kenji that he didn't wait for her permission this time. But then again, he's not exactly the nicest

person around, now is he? On the other hand, I can understand the frustration he must be feeling, being denied his own release.

I'm not sure how best to describe the rest of the chapter, but I can say that it felt right. It was just what I would have expected to see from the

characters in their current moods. I guess this means you're doing well with keeping up a consistent characterization here, so props to you for that.

Hmm, sorry that my reviews are starting to shrink again. I got out a lot of what I could say in the first one and didn't really want to repeat it. But

anyways, you can take this as a good thing, as it means there's nothing that really stuck out at me as being bad. I'm running out of internet time here, so

I'll get the rest of the reviews up later. Also, if I have time, I might give you a call tonight. Talk to you later!
Leebot chapter 33 . 9/4/2007
Okay, love the title. Unless you're trying to be misleading here (which I can't see you doing), this should be a good one. Well, good at least to me, which is all that matters, really :P.

Was Uriko subconsciously groping around for Kenji there? Makes you wonder what exactly she'd been dreaming about.

Alright, so it's been another couple of days. If my counting is correct, we should be pretty close to the time when Uriko was supposed to come back from camp, right? So I'd expect we should start seeing some people worried about her absense soon.

And once more they're both at the lake. How do I know how this is going to end? I'm serious, they should be testing that water for the presence of aphrodisiacs. (Okay, maybe I'll delay that judgment until I actually see it happen this time.)

Silly Kenji, you actually think admitting to being a voyeur is going to get you anywhere with her? Well, I guess it's quite true that he doesn't know anything about women.

Alright, I just had to read the rest of it straight through without pausing to comment. It's just as sweet and sensual as ever, and though I still don't approve of Kenji forcing Uriko to start this, at least he has clear consent to continue this time.
Leebot chapter 32 . 9/4/2007
A kiss! Who called it? What, who's that? I was talking about me! I called it. No, I'm not having arguments with the imaginary Tiger I've concocted while on internet withdrawal. Seriously, I'm not. Okay, fine, maybe I am.

I will not mention "younger youth" again. ...Dammit.

Aww... nervous Uriko is so cute! I can see why Kenji likes to make her this way; I might have done it myself in his place... without the abduction, fights, intimidation, kinda-rape, etc. Just to warn you, if I end up falling for Uriko because of your fics... well, something! Seriously, something!

Hmm, wasn't this also the same place they shared their first mutual kiss? They really should check that lake for aphrodisiacs in the water.

Nice to see that you and Uriko haven't completely forgotten about the past events during this. It gives a nice sense of continuity, and it's just what the character should be thinking about at a time like this.

As always, very good writing on the sensual parts. You're getting me all wound up here. No, not that way; I mean romantically wound up. Yes, such a thing exists, at least for me. Yes, I am talking to imaginary Tiger again.

Little thing here: In "...the primitive, albeit natural urge to mate...", "primitive" and "natural" don't really go against each other - in fact, they go with each other often - so "albeit" doesn't really work here.

I don't really have much that I can say about the Jane/Long section. Not knowing the characters, I of course can't comment on characterization here. The writing and dialoge still seems generally good though. Although, I'm baffled as to how this ties into the main story, but I guess you'll make that clear eventually. Still, once you're this far into a story, you shouldn't be bringing up new subplots without making their relevence clear. You can do that at the beginning of a story (people expect it), but near the middle or end you've gotten the readers hooked into the plotthreads you've already established, and you don't want to bring up new ones from nowhere without giving them a good reason.

So Kenji's saying here that he wouldn't disobey his master for this girl... but didn't he already open that door up with the terms of his deal with her? He'll be disobeying his master if she wins the third fight and he lets her go (which he probably would, with great reluctance). Of course, he probably doesn't consider losing an option worth considering.

Overall opinions on this chapter: Started out very sweet and enticing, but then it kind of got distracted with an interlude that has no immediate relevence. The end had some nice introspection for Kenji, though.
Leebot chapter 31 . 9/4/2007
(FYI, I've decided that since you'll have to wait so long for these, I'm going to make my reviews extra-long to make up for the wait. This unfortunately means that a lot of it will be taken up with things I think you could improve, as I'm best at finding those. Don't get discouraged, though. I still love your story; I'm just not so good at expressing what parts I like.)

Alright, first thing that caught my eye was a spat of redundant redundancy near the beginning. At the beginning of the second paragraph, there's "Awake and albeit GROGGY, Kenji was lying down on the cot within the cabin, appearing a bit GROGGY..." and at the beginning of the third paragraph there's "verbal statement" (it's not like we expected him to give her a written statement). Being flowery with your writing is one thing, but be careful not to just tell the reader things they already know (or should by all rights know).

Now, going to a paragraph near the middle, the one that starts, "While her overly happy demeanor..." I understand that some of your readers might not be picking things up when you're being subtler, but to those who do, a paragraph like this feels like you're beating us over the head with "Look how this character has developed!" I don't know if there's a medium where you can make it clear to everyone while not pounding it in; you might just have to decide what level you plan to aim your writing at.

Alright, paragraph right after that: "A bit more dignified than his younger companion..." Don't just tell us that Kenji's dignified; it's generally a bad idea for a writer to simply state any attributes that are subjectively judged (known as "Informed attributes"). Instead, either show us what makes them this way, or have some character making the judgment. Here, you could have it be Kenji considering himself a bit more dignified.

I'm also noticing a lot of run-on sentences in this chapter. The problem these lead to is that readers often will try to absorb the message of a sentence as a single unit. If the sentence goes on too long, they may forget where it started and have to go back and reread (a VERY bad thing). There are a couple tricks you can use to cut down sentences that are running on. First is to replace some instance of ", but" with ". However,". It's arguable whether that's perfectly acceptable grammar, but most people won't bat an eye at it. If you can't do this, then simply find some place where clauses are connected with an "and" and turn that into a sentence break. Try to limit any compound sentences to two clauses - three if necessary. Beyond that, people will get lost.

Hmm, Kenji is really surprising me here. Maybe something about the lake brings out his softer side? Or maybe he just doesn't have the energy to be mean at this time. Whatever the reason, his manner of teasing her here and her reaction is quite familiar to me from some other relationships. It's not necessarily romantic, but in some cases it was definitely a way for the teaser to relieve some of their sexual/romantic tension.

And here's one little thing that bugs me: "Sigh...". People don't say "sigh," people sigh. If the structure of the writing around that point won't let you simply say they sighed, use something like "ahh..." or "argh..." depending on the mood of the sigh.

On the upside, that paragraph was a much better way to show character development. You're not bludgeoning us upside the head with how Uriko is viewing Kenji differently, but it's quite clear. (There's a little more informed attributes in her curiosity being "innocent," but that one's just borderline and not a big deal anyway.)

A little more redundancy here: "same vicinity." The "same" is completely superfluous here; people are only going to have one vicinity, so it doesn't make much sense to describe it in those terms.

I have to say, the scene with Uriko washing Kenji's bath is definitely quite sensual (as you probably intended it to be). I don't know what it is, but something about lovers bathing each just seems so innocent and yet intimate to me, it can't help being sweet. Of course, these two have a LONG way to go before that point, but the hints of it are there.

Hmm, and with the last line, I guess Kenji's held his libido in about as long as his sanity can take, eh? I wonder what he'll ask of her, though my bet's on either a kiss or some sort of embrace (or at least something to lead to that end).
Snafu the Great chapter 2 . 9/3/2007
Damn. Sorry about the bird.
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