Reviews for The Boy Who Wouldn't Grow Up
DeejayMil chapter 3 . 8/6
[It had rained all the day before, breaking the heatwave with heavy lashes and gusts of wind. But by the time Sherlock arrived back at the hospital at half-past ten in the morning it was shaping up to be a bright summer day, with cool breezes and blue skies and high puffs of snowy clouds.] - lots of description here. Almost too much - you could tighten this up a little by removing some!

[John would probably have conveyed his firstborn child home in a hermetically sealed bubble, if such a thing were practical.] - this line ahahaha. I laughed. And it's so very perfectly both John and Sherlock, fantastic!

[Charlie out, snuggling her up against her chest. ] LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOOOOOOOVE. CHARLIE IS MY FAVOURITE LITTLE GIRL NAME, I AM FINE, I AM ABSOLUTELY FINE, I'M NOT FLAILING THIS IS FINE.

[ that literally hurt Sherlock's eyes. ] - I don't think Sherlock would subscribe to this use of the word 'literally' myself, no matter what our contemporary dictionaries might say, but this personal belief XD

[Ex Libris Charlotte Mary Watson

Presented on the occasion of her birth, July 22nd, 20_.

Sherlock Holmes] - emotions. Oh oh oh oh. What a perfect little ending, I'm fine. *flails a little more*

I loved this 3
DeejayMil chapter 2 . 8/6
[All children grow up, except one.] - oh :( although it took me a moment to realize what time-frame we were in with this one, once I realized this line *hurt*

[Sherlock's coffee mug still sat innocent and still on the table. It was half-full of manky instant-roast, as if he was going to run up the stairs any minute now. Take a sip. Gag. Absent-mindedly remark that he was 'just drinking that two minutes ago.' Be reminded that it was actually two days ago… deny it. Make another cup. Leave it on the counter for another two days while he rushed off to the morgue again] - Aha hello Sherlock. Great characterization!

[All children grow up.

Except one] - *cries a little*

Emotions indeed :(
DeejayMil chapter 1 . 8/6
First line is solid - they can't all be 'Mrs. Dalloway bought flowers ;) - but doesn't do a whole lot. Which it doesn't always need to, so take this comment as you may.

[He'd been poring over the contents of the bookshelf for almost ten minutes before Sherlock, clad in his pyjamas (even though it was almost eleven o'clock in the morning) had wandered in with a cup of tea.] - I think there's a little bit of funny comma usage going on here. Perhaps just after the parentheses to offset the additional information of 'clad in his pajamas'?

[This was an improvement on no response at all, which John had already learned he could count on if he interrupted Sherlock's thinking process.] - Sherlock's characterization on point ;)

[John sighed and shook his head. Sherlock gave him a confused glance, clearly wondering why the headshake.] - there's a lot of this in this one. 'In beleaguered tones, he murmured, he said softly'. A bit more body language, emoting, description. Draw me into the story! Dialogue heavy pieces can be impactful, or they can crash and burn, and it all relies on the body language and the emotions that are put across in the way that the characters speak to each other. The little moments. This story, while the voices are spot on, lacks the immersiveness to draw me in at this point.

Lots of : and -. These are generally a lot better off used as sparingly as possible. When overused, they distract the eye instead of creating emphasis.
Otaku and Proud chapter 1 . 6/23
Sherlock's always going on about the downfalls of sentiment, and here he is treasuring Peter Pan like the rest of us. Yaaay :D
unfulfilled-baby-elephant chapter 3 . 11/6/2014
Oooohkay...I must admit that I'm crushed by the complete lack of Sherlock/Molly pairing. It's an opinion, but I felt it needed to be stated.
And nice heart melting with the gifting of the book! Wonderful emotional hook.
This was brilliant from beginning to end!
unfulfilled-baby-elephant chapter 2 . 11/6/2014
I love that you used the word "innocent" as a description for the cup of coffee. Very nice! I think these emotions are hard to write out for a chapter like this, and you did very well imho.
Peter Pan! It's perfect! Gahhhh! Amazing!
unfulfilled-baby-elephant chapter 1 . 11/6/2014
I like the continuation from the last story...cool unique. So I'd like to officially retract my criticism of your opening of Smoke and Mirrors. ;)
Half fried egg roll chapter 1 . 10/29/2014
Hey Edhla! I'm back after quite a while, I know. But it's great to be reading your works.

I really like the first paragraph, especially the part: 'But for all the man's faults…not selfish with his belongings.' It gives us an insight into John's perception of Sherlock, and also gives us a hint as to what the story is about!

You manage to portray John's hesitation quite well. Especially while asking Sherlock's permission to borrow his books and how he 'gently' tugs out the 'Shackleton expedition'. However I feel the 'E' in expedition should be capitalized?

'But john like a child given unlimited privileges in a room full of toys, did not know where to start.' I really love this line too! Especially since it portray's John's childishness and points to his love for books. I would perhaps act the same way inside a manga store XD!

Enjoyed the detail in: 'He wiped a light layer of dust off the glossy, emerald-green cover with the heel of his hand.' This level of detail is a staple of all the works of your's that I have read. So it is expected.

'Sherlock turned again, then leapt up like a shot…plucking it out of John's hands.' It was a little surprising to me as to why John became so impulsive all of a sudden. Perhaps I was just as surprised as John? Also love that you mentioned, that John had managed to upset Sherlock previously, so perhaps picking out that book was not going to earn him any browny points, hehe.

This chapter although light-heared, did not really give me a sense that it was going anywhere. but the last line 'Dear Sherlock, with lots of love from Mummy x' Ohh man! Brilliant way to open things up there Ed! It stoked my interest in the next two chapters!

Thank you for yet another wonderful read!

-HFER
GeorgyannWayson chapter 3 . 8/28/2014
This was a really lovely conclusion to this short story, Eddy. Now everything has come fill circle :) heartwarming to say the very least. Thank you for writing this, it was truly wonderful *huggle*
GeorgyannWayson chapter 2 . 8/19/2014
I said I would come back to this one day, and here I am!

I have honestly never read Peter Pan/The Boy Who Wouldn't Grow Up, but I have seen references to it and such, and it's interesting that this particular book is so special to Sherlock.

...oh, I didn't realize that this is picking back up after Reichenbach. My FEELS, EDDY! ;_; my poor little soldier; come here and let me huggle you! Everyone's world is literally in limbo- Harry, Mrs. Hudson, even Lestrade. Initially, I was like 'how the heck did he get the book without spooking Sherlock?' boooo...

[Grief John] I'm wondering if there is a comma missing here? There might not be, but I was initially confused as to what this was saying. I'm okay now, though :)

[Fear of a world] this entire section is pure poetry, dear. Particularly enjoyed the line [...fear of what it would be like when he woke up...].

[still sat innocent and still on the table] this line is a little awkwardly worded, but I think I get the gist of what you mean - that his coffee cup was stlll on the table, maybe untouched or something along those lines.

[...the smell of order and logic and sense and reason] if I could frame this line and put it on my wall, I would. Beautifully heartbreaking.

This ending...oh, my feels, Eddy. They so hurt...of course it was worth the pain, but now I must go hide away and recover ;) Wonderful continuation, love. See you around!
GeorgyannWayson chapter 1 . 7/26/2014
Taking a small break from Four Little Bottles, hope you don't mind :)

How interesting that Sherlock is open with his belongings. I actually never thought about that as a part of his character, to be honest with you. I mean, don't get me wrong, he doesn't strike me as the horribly selfish type, but like I said, it's an interesting side of his character to explore. He's certainly open with using other people's stuff (John's laptop, for instance), so hey, why not make it go the other way? :)

Awesome that Sherlock collects books. We would get along great on that regard; my house is flooded with so many books, it's quite sad at times lol. And of course Sherlock is reading in Japanese because why not? He's Sherlock Holmes, and he can do that :)

[...luminous grey eyes.] - Beautiful description, but very very very small aside: aren't Sherlock's eyes blue? Though I suppose the lighting of the set could mess with this fact (and we've had a discussion or two about this, already, so just ignore me *waltzes away*).

[Norman Bates] What the, how does Sherlock not know about Norman Bates?! Then again, he's culture-selective/deprived, but come on! Norman Bates is only one of the most prolific serial killer characters in film history...

Oh, The Boy Who Wouldn't Grow Up is an untouchable book *oooo* poor John, it's like walking on eggshells with Sherlock sometimes; never knowing when you're going to see him off. But the inscription is certainly a clue: a gift from Mummy Holmes. You know I love seeing the Holmes parents in fanfiction, so you immediately have my interest and have it gripped tightly. Why did he get this particular book from Mummy? What could it possibly mean to him? What's the overall message here? Why am I asking all of these questions in a review?!

I shall be back around to see what happens next, my love. Thank you for writing this gem!
SavvyMagic chapter 1 . 4/25/2014
Okay, Edhla, you have a nice story here. I am not familiar with the fandom, though I have heard of Sherlock. The idea is nice, and shows that John has an interest in books, and not very fond of libraries. I did not expect Sherlock to grab the book out of his hands like that. I liked that you let the reader infer as to why Sherlock took the book from John, by adding in the inscription that was written on the book. I inferred that the book was from Sherlock's past or childhood.

There is one thing that seemed off to me though. The sentence : "His gaze finally came to rest at the end book." It just seemed a little off to me, the wording. It didn't really flow right when I read the story.

Overall, I only think that that one sentence was a bit off putting for me, anyway I did like it somewhat. Continue to write your stories in this fandom, and do not let my opinion discourage you in anyway.
jack63kids chapter 3 . 3/18/2014
Oh! Thank you - wasn't expecting that, but grateful - feels like a present to read that. I'm a little gutted for Mummy... but he so would do that. And I feel inspired to cut something out of life - food? husband? washing? sleep? - to spend more time with your fics! ;-D I'll let you know how that goes.
jack63kids chapter 2 . 3/18/2014
This is so understated that it is more moving than a parcelful of eulogies. The part with the abandoned coffee is glorious - details, simplicity of the 'event' - all perfect. So glad I had the opportunity to reread chapter 1, but apologise for my usual tardy arrival at the party.
And so many parallels between the boys who don't grow up. I'd forgotten about the crowing.
bkwrmnlvnit chapter 3 . 12/1/2013
Oh, I forgot to mention... the shade of pink that literally hurt his eyes. I had to laugh at that one. Poor Sherlock...XD
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