|Reviews for The Kirita Chronicles|
| Cyberweasel89 chapter 1 . 4/24
I said I'd review this entire story, so I'm doing it! I'll write my thoughts as they come to me. This should be fun! :D
Nice to see you're going with proper Japanese name ordering of surname first.
Consistent mistake you have going here. It's not FullDrive, it's FullDive.
Oh, and you're using honorifics! Great!
Well, there is such a thing as "too much set up," and your dialogue often comes across as stiff, but I'm a patient girl and I'm sticking in for more chapters.
I noticed that, in the omake, Kirita, Akio, Kirito, and Asuna went to great lengths (artificial-seeming, even) to avoid using a pronoun for you. Are you non-binary? Because you could've just had them use "they/them."
| Cruchy chapter 23 . 3/23
Oho? Will Kirita replace asuna in alfheim?
Or will Akio do it? ( fangirling~ )
| TheDarkMan19 chapter 2 . 3/24
Two flaws noticed so far. 1. no one seems to use contractions or casual speech in your story, which makes most of them sound like robots. I get that the MC is a social retard more or less so it makes sense, but you have the thugs using proper grammar and sentence structure and it becomes flow breaking. 2. While your writing is technically sound, you spend too much time telling not showing. four paragraphs on social rejection could easily have been condensed into one with no loss of information. otherwise as I said, technically sound and moderately interesting. we will see how it goes when the game begins. One further complaint though it's more aesthetic. What is the point of all italics? it's just kind of annoying.
| Crevante chapter 13 . 3/21
Grimlock, grimlock looker her husband
Wan Shotto Wan Shotto immediately
Gotta fix that
| Crevante chapter 8 . 3/20
Lol didnt expect that Kibao Kira
| Ak4sh4 chapter 6 . 2/20
Finally I think I read enough to get a feel for the story and be able to leave a review.
I will start with things I dont particulary like, (but it is not necessary bad, just that my personal preference is somewhere else) and will end up on a good note so to speak.
1) a bit too much first person writing in italics
- dont take this wrong I just dont personally like excessive 1st person writing in stories or stories written in it all together, it just feel weird to me for some reason, but I will definitely not judge writing based on this so no stress
2) lots of fragmentation
- it is nice that you give other characters a lot of spotlight in the story, unfortunately it causes a lot of fragmentation where I am reading a part with Kirito and then suddenly there is half the chapter about someone else before it gets back to her. Coherence suffers quite a bit because of this
3) main character name
- I mean seriously? :D Kazuta and Kirita, couldnt you come up with something a bit more creative? (Asio or Heihachi is pretty good and then BAM this...) Not only there is zero creativity in it, it also sounds weird. I personally like the name used in another fem. kirito story "Kiriko" Not that much more creative but it at least sounds good :) Something else but this would be fine as well
now onto the more positive stuff
1) length of chapters
- like it, wouldnt mind a bit shorter occasionally but anyway, personally prefer longer ones because things are usually not ended halfway like with much shorter ones
2) giving lots of space/developing other characters
All in all, I am enjoying the story so far and will continue with reading so continue with the good work. It might seem there is more negatives than positives but as I said, most of the negatives are just my personal preference on certain stuff and it is nothing seriously wrong with the story itself.
| termapie chapter 10 . 2/12
Going back and reading this story again is amazing. You have a fantastic plot with superb character development and interactions. Love the work you do and keep it up.
| yaoiprincess101 chapter 15 . 2/12
Whew! Chapter 15 done! It really has been a while. I'm glad I came back to read the story again. You always write very well-rounded charcters. Suta for example, is a character that I wasn't very fond of, even towards the end, but she still has some respect because of the fact that she has the right intentions. Leonardo as well. I love how you write characters willing to help, but also add in complications that prevent them from doing so. It gives each character a certain dynamic that makes them be such relatable characters.
Lol, I'm probabaly starting to sound redundant. Another great chapter! And I liked the little reference to Kingdom Hearts with Zexion and Axel. ((...If it was planned.))
| ReaperOfOaths chapter 2 . 1/31
jeez that was a massive chapter and especially coming from me who makes it a parameter that there are at least 100k words in the story so far this is amazing and as I keep reading I hope amazing is a continuous theme
| Miyuki06 chapter 22 . 1/16
This chapter is just as awesome as the ones before and I've found many interesting parts to it.
As always, Grimlock is being as disagreeable and annoying as ever which I like as it really fits his character, so even though him and Griselda are married I've always felt that she should go for someone else.
Although I'm not sure if it's just me but somehow I like the parts of the story where Kirita and Akio are not guests or members of another guild, probably because it gives the feeling of more of a sense of freedom, just like in this chapter and so I really hope Kirita doesn't decide to take Delano up on his offer. However it's good that Klein's guild is getting stronger which means they might soon be able to join in boss battles where he will have the chance to meet Kirita and also be able to support her, I mean Kirita and Akio always being on the run gives the story a rather tense atmosphere and I think Klein as a character could serve to lighten the mood up a little.
I also liked the fact that the relationship between Akio and Kirita progressing even if it's little by little like when Akio gave Kirita the scarf. A suggestion if I may, I think that in future chapters when their relationship will (hopefully) be more developed, introducing some sort of romantic rivalry might give an extra edge to the story.
I thought it was rather funny that you didn't make the arranged marriage between Akio and (a female version of Sugou), but I guess that wouldn't be too suitable.
Thanks for writing this great chapter and I look forward to reading the next one!
| Tohka Yatogami chapter 23 . 1/15
Whoa... that part with Caynz and Yolko? That was really heavy, and one representation on a saying I've heard in the past, "good things come from bad.
I'm seeing why Caynz feels upset really well, also... Yolko really should have said that thing about Griselda and Klein through a PM instead of out loud, uh oh! ;
Glad to see Yui's not alone in this, even if she can't directly leave where she is, she has someone to depend on... and Sugou, I'm honestly appalled by what he said about sins. Not because he was the one who said it, but the fact it's implying that mindset exists even now.
Sounds like in this story, the New Year is truly the beginning of a lot of developments, let's see where they'll all end up going.
| harlequin320 chapter 23 . 1/15
great chapter as always, loved it;
first, great job in touching base with everyone, I believe it work well and was a smooth update on almost all our main characters;
second, loved the little bug you had here promoting a Griselda/Klein shipping, it was very interesting how you had Caynz and Yolko discuss the relationship situation and on top of that Grimlock overheard the conversation, that event feels like an important event that could become a catalyst to whatever fate awaits Golden Apple, and I'm looking forward to it playing out;
third, it was well decided point to have the guilds solidify their base members and prepare to expand, I look forward to seeing how that works out;
fourth, love the development between Kirita and Akio, they had a lot of good moments and I look forward to more to come, I especially look forward to Akio giving Kirita swim lessons, that should be quite amusing;
fifth, on a connected note I am looking forward the sixth floor spider boss mentioned in Kayaba's scene, with Kirita fearing spiders it offers an opportunity to both Kayaba and Akio, who will seize the moment? unfortunately, Akio probably doesn't have a chance here;
sixth, following on that, it was great seeing Kayaba again, I'm excited that he is moving so early on and I cannot wait to see how he interferes in events going forward, especially to see how he reacts to Sugou trying to obtain Kazuta's body;
great chapter, keep up the good work
| harlequin320 chapter 22 . 1/14
finally got a chance to read this one, great chapter as always;
first, I was a little surprised how you fast tracked the boss battle and the third duel with Delano, with the level of detail you were going in to before I did not expect that, but I guess if you dove that deep the whole time this story would never get anywhere, so I imagine you will only go to that level of detail when the battle is particularly significant?
second, great seeing Klein again, I look forward to seeing how he gets stronger, with what has been released for canon so far we just see Klein Day 1 and it fast tracks to when he is a front-liner, I look forward to seeing the Ultimate Bro become who he is meant to be;
third, as we have previously discussed I love what you are doing with Griselda, I'm rooting for her to make it to the front line, I am really curious to see Kirita and her meet;
forth, nice little Christmas expose, perfectly smooth character/relationship development between Kirita and Akio;
anyways, great chapter as always, hope you had a wonderful holiday season, and hopefully I will be able to get to the latest chapter in the next day or two and I'll be fully caught up
once again, great chapter and keep up the good work
| Miyuki06 chapter 21 . 1/13
The conclusion of the last chapter's cliffhanger certainly didn't disappoint, the details of the fight scenes were particularly good as they were not too long or too short and contained enough level of detail to it. It is also good to be able to see Akio becoming more skilled at combat and not relying on Kirita all the time like in the duel and how he finished the field boss all on his own. The fact that Ryota also used a rapier is also an interesting point as in the anime the only one I saw with that weapon is Asuna, and having another person using the same weapon makes the feeling of 'I'm the odd one out by using this weapon' less.
As I've mentioned before my favourite character is Yui and it's good to see her being brought up once in a while though I'd prefer if she is included in the story more frequently.
I'm also looking forward to Klein and Kirita's reunion and her possibly meeting Griselda and how that will turn out.
Although I am a bit worried about what you plan on doing about the length of the story, it is really great so far and I hope you keep up the quality.
Thanks for reading my review!
| Phoenix-Thunder chapter 23 . 1/5
I immediately said "Ohhhhh nooooo" When Sugou came up. If he does get custody of her body, it would be disastrous knowing her fear of men and how he ends up treating Asuna in the series. It would be the worse case scenario and, she'll probably end up trapped after the events of SAO knowing Sugou's other plans. The Yolko and Caynz moment between them was really nice since we've barely see these two apart either way and it's good that we're learning even more about them and their relationship. I did mention it in my last review about Argo and Sasha exchanging gifts and Kikuchiyo dressing up as Santa for the kids since I thought it was better to add it to that one instead of this review. It's very interesting how you're making Akio also learning the cooking skill as well and helping Kirita out was a very nice touch in my opinion and it's something I'm appreciating a lot. And also, it's really good that they are addressing how long it will take to beat the game and how long their bodies will last now instead of way later on in the game, because essentially that would be the most important thing to notice in a death game like SAO.