Couldn't make it past first paragraph too many grammar,spelling,and punctuation mistakes along with the biggest thing being you have this be a PURE Harry Potter fanfic and have the characters speak English but they use Japanese terms and phrases which makes me cringe. Next time think before you write something... you weeb.

Sorry but your story is unreadable.. It’s a jumbled mess, with no clear distinction of dialogue, and horrific lack of flow. I realize this is harsh but sometimes the truth needs to be spoken, and the truth is this a complete and total disaster of words. But you tried and you deserve credit for doing so.. Learn from your mistakes, read other fictions, learn from them and try again.

Disorganized with tremendous lack of readability. Slow down look at your story like your the reader..

Seems like I am not reading this... due to the comment below mine

The fic is ok but... you really need to use speech marks though. It’s very confusing. I can’t get past the first chapter because of it.

Oh Christ. This is going places, I can already tell.

Awesome!

I have to ask: why aren't you putting quotation marks around spoken words? This is standard for English, and the lack of it makes the story very confusing to read.

I know it's not done and is abandoned (and I don't usually read abandoned fics because it just breaks my heart when it's unresolved) but I just want to 1) thank you for writing this in general and 2) for writing it up to this last chapter. Because even though they still have to kill both Voldemorts, this seems like somewhat of a happy ending. I like that James got Remus and Sirius back and that Lily is here for Severus. All of the alternate universe jumping was confusing but I'm happy it all makes sense now. Expect of course that random scene in this chapter with the nameless brother and sister climbing out of the mirror.
(Just fyi, I didn't read all the author notes but I thought you did a pretty good job at disclosing that Severus went as Lily for the ball so that all the notes adressing that question were ridiculously humorous. I also think the note avowing that you won't abandon this fic around chapter 16 or so was pretty funny considering). One thing I've wondered is what Lily's reasoning exactly for leaving Severus was in Jamie's world. And how exactly would Severus be able to go back to spying if Voldmort attacked the Snape's in Harriet's world? Thank for writing.

Could you plz add speech marks is really hard to tell the difference between speech and actions

Okay, this kinda interesting, but I'm sorry I just cannot do this anymore. Your lack of speech marks is killing me. It's not only incredibly confusing, but actually PAINFUL to look at and to process.

Also, why is she called henrietta? Like, do you just like the name? And why is she otherwise known as Harry?

(Also I knew straight away that 'oniisan' was Malfoy, but I totally didn't think girl-Harry was a Malfoy. I just assumed it was because they were close, and Malfoy was several years older than her .)

So... Sorry. I just can't suffer the lack of speech marks any more.

Other times Dumbledore manipulates people/events like the best Slytherin, yet in other situations like the confrontation about he acts so-so-so Gryffindor! Well it will be very interesting to see/hear just what kind of explanation Draco will give to Severus and will he include Dumbledore in that explanation? Just how will Harry/Salazar along with Lucia/Harry get home back to Draco and they father Severus? Will Harry/Salazar be able to start building a proper father-son relationship with his father? Will Dumbledore regard Draco/Lucifier as a threat to the light side and Hogwarts?

If reference to Salazar Slytherin having the "green eyes" that started that family line - perhaps its more likely that particularly "shade of green" - that's so unlike other green eyes. So much closer to the green light produced by the killing curse - as this has been mentioned somewhere in the canon, I think!

Certainly didn't expect Severus, to faint upon Harry telling the poor wizard that he, Harry Potter was the son of Lily Evans and Severus Snape, as proved by the geneology charts in the school library. Just how will he take the news are he wakes from the faint?

Beginning to wonder just how the twist of the Severitus will get into this story? Severus doesn't seem to terrible upset about reaffirmation of the bonding (between friends) of Draco and Harry? Though I do wonder just how he might choose to answer Dumbledore, if the wizard did question him? Harry really doesn't seem to have much in common with not only his friends (Hermione and Ron) but also the rest of the Gryffindor house?

I think if Severus, was a animagus he'd be something like a panther (or the magical equivalent) - cunning, sly and great ability to stalk his prey (students) and always find his prey (the students when there out of the common room at night). Although any animal that's good at stalking/hunting and is so gracefull would certainly suit him as well. Certainly can't see him as a bat for an animagus - and certainly not like a fruit-bat, like I remember reading in another story.

Harry and his almost-twin Lcuia do almost seem as if there the two-sides of Harry Potter's personality? Whilst Ron and Hermione, claim that Harry's been distanting himself from them - they can talk they've been so wrapped up in themselves. Have they every thought that the reason Harry's so-grown up is because of all that he's experience since he started Hogwarts - just might have attributed to his change in his priorities. You'd almost think that they don't want him to change/or grow up at all but to stay the same. Both Hermione and Ron, have such narrow-views of the whole magical world as good/evil, black/white - despite the adventures (which Harry never wanted!) there views having not really changed. Hermione still relies too much on her respect/of adults and that they can be trusted with information. I truly don't think they have truly known Harry, at all they simply known a side of the boy - because I don't think that Harry truly allowed anyone before this year to see the true-him. Because I think once Harry, learned about he was considered a "hero/savior" of the magical world - once he was at Hogwarts/or on the train - he essentially created a "mask" for every to see children/adults/Professors. That Harry Potter, could not be good/excellent at all/or most subjects, he was expected to excel at DADA certainly not Potions. Severus, help cement that imagine/mask for everyone else?