|Reviews for scars & chains|
| The Crownless Queen chapter 1 . 7/19/2013
Interesting characterization of Daphne. I have to admit I personally do not see her like this, but I like what you did with her in this, how you described her as a tormented person, who sounds very lost.
This was a beautiful freeverse - though by the end of it I do wonder where the scars came from... Or does she consider her relations as scars? ( and I think you're missing an 'e' at to breath)
But good work with this, I really liked it ;)
| reminiscent-afterthought chapter 1 . 7/13/2013
I thought you could do more with "chains" than just bolding it; bolding scars makes it stand out, but in the interest of ffn freeverse it doesn't do much for chains.
[- together -] - I think it would look better without the spaces in between the dashes, even if that is normal english convention.
I also thought the first half of the second paragraph could have been played with a little more; regarding the freeverse style you didn't do much until the line "Of him, him /and/ him." Perhaps also utilising underline and italices? I never write this sort of freeverse but it could be worth trying.
[but it's hard
you're trying to breath
but it's] - this part would be worth breaking up as well to show the difficulty in breathing.
Concept wise it was quite interesting; you have a character that's not particularly well explored in canon and you've used it in a very interesting way, particularly as the way you've illustrated it means that it could be physical or metaphorical and that changes the whole meaning. It's also nice to see her slytherin side, the side of her that's in Pansy's gang and an individualist part of her all rolled into one.
| bloody muggles chapter 1 . 7/13/2013
Wow! That was so beautiful and heartbreaking, and just so sad! You can feel Daphne's emotions, and how self-loathing(?) she is. The first paragraph just completely won me over! It was really well written, poignant and tells you some much about Daphne's current state of mind. I haven't written any freeverses, I suck at them actually, but I always enjoy an awesome one, and this one is! Good job.
| FandaticForeverAndAlways chapter 1 . 7/12/2013
Wow! That was quite something! I have written and read few Daphne stories, but never come across anything like this. You did a great job with the free verse - I loved your use of punctuation. It showed perfect emphasis of words, and even the ones in brackets, though maybe considered as unimportant were given right meaning. It was short, but quite effective. I loved how you started it - Your scars are your chains - It was a catchy line. My favorite part was - Every memory
Of him, him /and/ him.- I never imagined Daphne to be so broken, but this suited her well. It seemed you used the prompts very well.
It was well-written, effective, and got the emotions to the reader.
Good job! :)